Always A Tiger

The First Major Fallout From This Site

2012-01-09T11:51:00.000-05:00

I suppose it shouldn't come as a surprise, but a couple of my posts here have ruffled some feathers among my family. When I decided that I wanted to use this site to give light to my inner-most thoughts and ideas, and vowed to do so will complete honesty, I understood that this outcome was possible. Probable, in fact.

This post could go a couple of different ways right now. I could issue a blanket apology and make everyone happy. Conformity is always the path of least resistance, after all. Or, I could hold my ground and hide behind the idea of complete honesty, as if that gives me carte blanche to piss of as many people as possible. It doesn't.

Instead, I think I'll try to find a middle ground, because I don't think that either of the above options are the right way for me to go. And if this blog is to be for my children someday, I don't want the lesson learned here to be either of the above. To follow either of those paths would be to allow society to determine your behavior. In situations such as these, you should always be true to yourself first.

Let me start by saying that the issues I have discussed here in recent months did not necessarily need discussed. Which is to say, I guess, that those issues did not need to be made public. In my opinion, they did need discussed, if only with myself. Again, I understood when I began this writing project that there would be the risk of alienating some people. That's not what I want, but it also would be going complete against my goals here to hide from my thoughts and feelings. This site is intended for my kids to get to know me; the real me. To see what's hidden from public view. I don't promote this site at all; I don't care one lick if no one ever reads it until my kids are old enough to do so. But the fact is that there are people who are aware of its existence and some of those people have been offended by what I have written.

I was told that I owe apologies to certain people and I've given that a lot of thought. What would I be apologizing for? I don't mean to come off as crass here, that wasn't a throw-away line at all. If I am to apologize, I'd damn well better understand that something I did was wrong. I spoke my feelings, even if they were in an agitated state. Those feelings were truthful at the moment I wrote them. Does that mean that those are always my feelings? Of course not. Just the same as you may love pizza but can't stand the idea of eating it on a given day. People's ideas and feelings about other people (or pizza) change and shift in multiple directions seemingly at all times. So I really don't think I should apologize for that.

The other option, again, is that perhaps an apology is warranted to airing these feelings publicly. I assume this is why I was told to apologize in the first place. Certainly, my sister did not ask to be included in my ran the other week. I probably shouldn't have been directed as much toward her as it was, either. The people I truly should have been ranting to and about were Dad and Vickie. It is, after all, their house that was involved. It was their trip home that stirred all of this up. Does that mean it was all their fault? Not, not at all. I fully recognize that my reactions to the outside world are completely within my control. If a situation or a person is upsetting to me, it is not the fault of the situation or person; it is my job to adjust my reaction, as I will not be able to change the outside condition.

That said, the fact remains that I did write and publish a piece here that called out my sister and placed some blame at her feet for a situation that she probably didn't completely cause. So I will issue an apology for that much. I was agitated and took to my keyboard, not caring if I had my facts straight, though I believed at the time I did. I should have been more diligent about my research there.

I also understand that my post caused some tension between Dad and Vickie. That certainly was not the goal either. When Dad hit town and began making plans to see my family exactly once during the 10 or so days he would be around, I was hurt by that. Writing the post that I wrote was probably equal parts a need to get the feelings off of my chest, and a passive-aggressive way to alert them of how I felt, without the unpleasantness of a confrontation. It was a childish was to solve a problem, but I'm happy to say that my message was heard, at least somewhat. While Dad, it seems, focused too strongly on the discussion of material items (for the record, I don't WANT anything. The idea of splitting goods came from the Hershey talks. I guess I just assumed that hadn't changed. Either way, they were still moving out.), he was able to determine that it wasn't okay with me that my kids would see their grandparents once in a seven month period, not when they'd be in town for that length of time.

As it turned out, we saw them four times in total. And it was great.

My blog post caused at least a couple of fights and probably quite a few hurt feelings, but if it also caused me and my family to spend three extra days worth of visits with my parents before they left town again, well, then it was worth writing.

Naming the PTBNL

2012-01-06T12:32:00.000-05:00

For those of you who follow baseball, you know what a PTBNL is. That's the back-end of a trade, usually a minor league player; a throw-in on a deal. Many times, a PTBNL (Player To Be Named Later) will be selected from a small list of players, chosen by the acquiring team.

In this instance, however, the PTBNL is a little boy who will be joining our family in a matter of three months or so. Valerie and I have done some things differently with this, our last, pregnancy. We kept the news a secret for as long as possible, we've quietly discussed names between only ourselves. This is a pregnancy for she and I to share, in as much as a pregnancy can be shared. She is, after all, the only one actually carrying the baby.

Anyhow, after a LOT of back and forth, each one of us vetoing suggestions made by the other, we narrowed the working list down to a few names. Valerie and I were watching a game show the other night and casually mentioning names to one another. The contestants were being introduced and Valerie said "okay, we'll name him whatever the third contestant's name is." She was joking, of course, but the laughing stopped when the third contestant's name was revealed (you're on the edge of your seat now, aren't you?). This name was one Valerie and I had mentioned before, and we had both kinda liked it.

Given our history with this name, and the "sign" we were given by having it pop up when Valerie made her off-hand suggestion, it just felt right to go ahead and decide on that one.

So we spent the next however long discussing a first and middle name combination and eventually settled, I think on what our PTBNL will be named, when he's named... later. Nothing is etched in stone (or on a birth certificate), so there remains a chance that we could change our minds. But for now, anyway, I think he's got a name.

In just about 10 weeks, the world will get to meet a little boy by the name of......

I Don't Even Know Who I Am Anymore

2011-12-20T11:30:00.000-05:00

In my capacity as Director of Development for FanSided MLB, I have taken up covering other baseball teams as needed. My old site has really taken off with all the new staff members there and we had a few holes elsewhere, so I took over our Padres coverage at the beginning of November. That lasted only about two weeks before an editor was hired and at that point, I became a Rangers writer.

Covering the Rangers has been much easier to do for me as at least I was familiar with the major league roster. Afterall, the Tigers had just played Texas in the ALCS, so I knew who these guys were. I've been at it for a little over a month now and a strange thing has happened. I didn't really notice it until last night, but I think I'm becoming a Rangers fan (gasp!).

No, don't get me wrong, I still love my Tigers, but since I'm not covering them anymore, I've become much more invested in Texas. Yesterday afternoon, the excitement I had for the Rangers was all based on the traffic to my latest site. Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish had been posted and the Rangers were one of the teams rumored to have placed the high bid. The anticipation caused my traffic to spike to an all-time high, which I was very proud of.

Then a funny thing happened: the Rangers were announced as the high bidder. My reaction was anything but un-biased. I was genuinely happy and excited that Darvish would be pitching for Texas. The Rangers, a significant threat to the Tigers' chances of getting to and winning another World Series, just got markedly better and I was happy about that? I feel sick.

I hope I can attract a new editor for our Rangers site soon. Otherwise I may have to shell out some serious dough for the MLB Extra Innings package. You know, so I can watch my new favorite team. Ugh. Let me get back home to Detroit, soon.

Won't Anyone Think of the Children? Oh Wait, Those are Dogs

2011-12-19T14:32:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, the purpose of this humble forum become a bit cloudy. Sometimes, I feel like I need to write something here for no reason other than to vent. This, I'm afraid, is probably one of those times.

My dad and step-mom, Vickie, moved away from Lima some 15 weeks ago. Vickie is now a traveling nurse and her new job takes her all over the country. I speak with my dad often on the phone and apart from being obviously bored, he seems to be enjoying his retirement. They have a break of about two weeks before Vickie's next assignment and they have come home to their old house for Christmas. That great, right? Of course, but it's very obviously not how I envisioned things happening three months ago.

It began in early September. They made the announcement that they were leaving and all of a sudden they were gone. There had been plans in place for my sisters and I to split up many of the bigger items that our parents own, as most of that couldn't fit into a fifth wheel camper (their new home). As the only son, I was to have gotten all of Dad's tools, which made sense, since most of those he got from his father. Unfortunately, the move was so quick that a time couldn't be arranged to gather anything. That wouldn't have been an issue but for my younger sister moving into Dad's house. I have no problem with that, of course, I have my own place and someone certainly should keep that place warm in case Dad and Vickie were to decide that this new life of travel wasn't for them. I could always just arrange a time to come to Jen's new home and gather what I needed.

Very quickly, however, that proved to be a problem. I needed an edger and Dad has one. Of course, he didn't take it with him, so I called Jen to see when I could come and get it. The neighbor had borrowed it and long story short is that between getting a hold of the neighbor and finding a time when Jen would be home, I had to wait more than two weeks to edge my sidewalk. It happens. Not a huge deal.

Then our grill finally really began to fall apart. We have a small two-burner model and a family of six (soon to be seven), so when the rust began to give way to gaping holes, Valerie and I decided it was time to buy a new model. When looking through the ads, I recalled that Dad had a giant stainless steel grill in his back yard. I was certain he didn't take that with him so I called and he assured me I could have a grill from his house. He didn't specify that it would be the same one, I guess, but that's what I assumed.

I called Jen to see when I could come get it. Of course, no matter what day or time I suggested, she wouldn't be home. Finally she agreed to leave it out for me (she had installed a locking fence after our parent's moved out, so I could no longer simply access the shed in the back yard.), but when I got there I found a small two-burner model not dissimilar from the one I already had. Gee, thanks, Jen. She is not married, she has no kids. I took her old grill home and while it works great, I still have to use the old one as well in order to cook for my entire family at once. She cooks for one, maybe two if her boyfriend is over. But yeah, obviously she needs the jumbo grill more than I do.

The biggest gut-punch came about three weeks ago, however. Jen stopped by my work to drop off stuff for my wife. While she was there, she asked how Dad was going to host Christmas, as that had been the plan. Dad and Vickie would be living with Jen at their house (at least I assumed it was still their house) and we were all going to come over for the holiday. But Jen has pitbulls and I don't want my kids around them. Jen noted that her dogs would be there, so Dad couldn't host Christmas. I knew where she was going with this and I didn't bite on her attempt to engage me in an argument; we've gone rounds on that one before. She would be unwilling to put the dogs in a bedroom or a cage or the garage or anywhere else for the hour and a half that the grandchildren would be at "her" house. I simply smiled, biting my tongue, and said I didn't know how that would work out.

A few days later, Dad called and told me that they would be coming to my house to visit and drop off gifts when they got home. He said it was because our van wouldn't hold all the gifts and all the kids together, but it sure felt like a convenient excuse to allow Jen's dogs the free reign she wanted for them. I know she is certain they would never bite and they probably wouldn't. But if they did, my kids would be mutilated for life, or worse. That's not a chance I'm willing to take. If they did bite, her dog would also be destroyed, and I can't believe that's a chance she'd be willing to take. But whatever, I guess. I mean, I get it. Her dogs are like children to her. But the thing is, they aren't children; they're pets. She can leave them home unattended; if she did that with kids, she'd have them taken away from her. There is a difference whether she likes it or not. But I digress.

Vickie sent me a text this morning that informed me that Dad has a kidney stone that's being removed late this afternoon. Once that's done, they'll be home, to their old house. I didn't respond to the second text, the one in which Vickie told me where they'd be. I'm sure that Dad will be in no shape to travel, even the 20 minute drive to my house. I would love to bring the kids over to see them instead, but if Jen isn't willing to put her dogs up for a full-family gathering like Christmas, I'm sure asking for an impromptu visit is out of the question.

The sad thing is that the tools and the grill, those are just things. I'll never fight about things. I didn't have them before, so I won't fight about having them now. If it means so much to her to keep them, then let her have 'em. It's silly and childish, but if it makes her feel more loved or favored or whatever, then she can have 'em. But Dad and Vickie always told me, no matter what I did or needed, I'd always be welcome in their house.

Now, that's not true either.

My parents will be home for just a couple of weeks. I wonder if we'll see them for more than an hour while they're here. I'm beginning to think not. And that's not the way it should be.

The End of My Rope

2011-11-23T15:18:00.002-05:00

Thanksgiving is upon us once again and while the start of the holiday season is often times a joyous occasion for many, it has become a time that only causes stress, disappointment, and anger for me. Don't misunderstand, everything in my house is always great. I wouldn't say I enjoy the loading up of the kids to rush from one house to the next, hoping while we are wherever we are that they'll behave well enough to avoid a scene, but I understand it as a necessary evil and the time spent among family is enriching nonetheless.

No, the issues that I have during holiday time aren't related to my wife or my kids, not to my in-law or their families either. The problems arise when dealing with, talking about, or even thinking of my mother and her side of the family.

I don't want to get into the whole back story here; suffice to say that my parents were divorced when I was very young and though my dad was just down the road (literally), my mom raised three kids basically by herself. For much of that time she struggled to find work as a teacher, but eventually landed a full-time job. We never had much money, but we had enough. She did a wonderful job of instilling morals and all the other things a mother should teach her kids. I am forever grateful that she was as hard on me as she was; I deserved every spanking I got.

To say that my mother and I had a close relationship wouldn't be accurate, I don't think. I had thought that we did, but when it came time for me to move out and go off to college, it became evident that I was wrong. In the 10 years that I lived in Bowling Green, which is situated an hour north on I-75, my older sister lived in Florida and then in North Carolina. During that time, my mom must have traveled to see Courtney at least twice a year every year, often times more. She came up to see me in BG exactly once. In 10 years.

I eventually moved back to Lima, just a handful of blocks away from her in fact. Things didn't change much. I'd see her when I went to her house or at my Aunt's place every now and again, but that was it. When I got married and started my own family, we grew even further apart.

A couple of years ago, it became evident how little my kids would see their paternal grandmother. My younger sister has two kids of her own and she frequently leaves them with Mom. My kids, however, have never been there together without my wife and I. She comes to birthdays and we were expected at holidays, but apart from those handful of times each year, we neither see nor hear from her. I have tried several times to arrange time and days for us to visit her, but no matter how much notice we give, it rarely happens. In fact, I think the exact number is once. Eventually, I gave up trying.

Last year, I drove to Lima on Thanksgiving day, with every intention on going to my family's gathering. Instead, I chose to go shopping and return home. My mom called me at one point, asking where I was. I told her I wasn't coming. I saw no reason to do so. If she can't make an effort to see the kids during the year at all, why should I bring them to her, begging her to at least get to know them?

So, of course, as it's that time of year again, she sent me a text the other day asking if we would come to Thanksgiving. But my wife has to work and the two older kids have to be with their bio-dad during the day, so I declined. It was not an easy decision at all. I suggested to her that we could come to her house during the week leading up to Thursday, but as a teacher, she had conferences and wouldn't be home. Knowing bio-dad would be in the picture again on the weekend, Valerie suggested we could visit her on Friday evening instead. I told my mom we wouldn't need fed and that we could come by around 6:30 pm that night.

She responded that she would be busy shopping and then putting up her tree. She asked again if I would just come on Thursday and then asked if I was coming to Christmas. My response: "No. Just forget it." Clearly, she can't be bothered to make any kind of time, so why should I?

The sad fact is that when Valerie and I were discussing things the other day, Sebastian overheard us. He couldn't contain his excitement to go to Grandma Judy's house. More sad is that Amity, who is almost 2, has seen my mother less than three times in her life (excluding birthday parties when there are dozens of other people there). Leyton, I'm certain, couldn't pick his grandma out of a lineup.

I have a wife and four kids, two of which also have to make time for their bio-dad. She (my mother) has only herself. She doesn't work weekends or evenings. But her life is somehow too busy to include seeing four of her six grandchildren even once a month. That's really all I have ever asked of her. She always thinks it's a great idea, but the idea never ever comes to fruition. Instead, she's apparently comfortable seeing my kids only on their respective birthdays. I really see no point in continuing to try. I'm no longer going to beg her. I'm no longer going to present my kids to her as if she's a queen. I'm far too busy and my efforts only lead to disappointment.

The last time she saw the kids was on Leyton's birthday (in October), when she came and was at the house for about a half hour. Before that it was at Sebastian's party in July. We live 15 miles from her house and we are more than willing to come to her, but she can't be bothered.

Obviously, shopping and Christmas tree assembly are vastly more important than seeing her grandkids. I just don't know what else I can do at this point.

I want to be clear here, just in case she reads this, that every single time her name comes up, I feel only sadness. She's my mother. I miss her. I want her to be a part of my life and my children's lives. But I cannot make her want to be a part of our lives. She has always come to the birthday parties dutifully, but I know she does it only because she's supposed to. How do I know that? Because unless it's a birthday, we won't see her. She operates toward us as if she lives 3000 miles away. My life is full and complete and busy and satisfying. I want her to add to it, but every time I even think of her, I am no longer happy or satisfied; only sad and disappointed.

Unless something changes dramatically (and by that I mean that she contacts me and sets a time and actually comes through on seeing the kids), I won't be going to Christmas, either. Beyond that, however, I no longer have any plans to keep her informed of what's happening with them. I no longer plan to contact her regarding birthdays at all. When my wife gives birth to our fifth child in March, I have no plans to alert my mother. I'm sure it would just be a bother for her to come to the hospital anyway.

If there's one thing she's made perfectly clear to me and my family over the past few years, it's that she can't be bothered to make any kind of significant time for us.

I miss you, Mom. I can only hope you realize someday soon that you are missing out on getting to know some incredibly great kids.

Those Who Blame Joe Paterno are More Than a Little Misguided

2011-11-10T12:32:00.000-05:00

It appears as if I jumped to some incorrect conclusions in my last post regarding the issues at Penn State. It that post, I basically stated that Joe Paterno didn't do when he needed to do because he didn't alert the authorities. It turns out, I was wrong.

Upon hearing whatever it was that he heard from Mike McQuery, JoePa contacted not only the Athletic Director, Tim Curley, but also the University Vice President, Gary Shultz. Why is this significant? Because Shultz was the "overseer" of the University police Department; in effect, Shultz was the Chief of Police at Penn State. So, no, Paterno didn't pick up the phone and call some desk clerk at State College PD, he called the man in charge of the Campus Police (and anyone who has spent 50 years on a campus anywhere would have called campus police and not the city cops).

I've done my best to try to remain as objective as possible here. Obviously, the magnitude of the situation involving the (alleged) sexual abuse of minors by former Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky is one that brings about great emotion. But the bloodlust of the national media and seemingly anyone with a twitter account has gone well past too far. Paterno is the one being burned for these crimes; though he's not the one who committed them. If I can find objectivity, I can see how, if I were in Paterno's shoes, I may have reacted the exact same way he did. He's known Sandusky for 30+ years when McQueary came to him. There are people who say "how could Paterno not have known?" as if child molesters divulge this information to their friends. Guess what? They don't. For all any of us know, our best friend might be doing the same thing Sandusky was doing and we would never know it. It's not something that is advertised.

They say that Paterno, upon hearing the news, should have followed up when nothing was done about Sandusky. But if it were your friend, a person you've known and trusted for 30 years or more, that you heard was involved in this (and we still don't know how many, if any, details Paterno was given), wouldn't the natural reaction be one of disbelief? "Surely," you'd think to yourself, "this can't be true. Not this guy. That doesn't sound like the man I know." But doing what he should have done, Paterno did report what he had heard not only to his immediate supervisor, but also to the defacto chief of police. I can only assume (as we all can on this) that he was told they would look into it.

But, nevertheless, the Board of Trustees decided yesterday that Paterno had already coached his last game, ending a 62 year career that was filled with nothing but dignity, honor, and goodwill. They also fired the University president, Graham Spanier. Meanwhile, Curley and Shultz, both facing charges in this case, have been placed on leave from the University. McQueary, the only man (apart from Sandusky) that actually knows anything for certain, as he is the only one who saw what was happening, has not been fired. McQueary didn't intervene with Sandusky when there was an alleged rape in progress, he didn't call the police, he simply phoned his father and waited until the next day to inform Paterno of the situation.

If Paterno was fired for failing to do enough to protect the children that Sandusky (allegedly) abused, and he actually did inform the police, why then does McQueary still have a job? Paterno didn't abuse the children, he didn't witness the abuse, he didn't call a relative and gossip about it. All he did do was what he should have done, what, I think, most of us in his same position would have done.

McQueary walked in on a 10-year-old boy being raped by a hulking 55-year-old man. He didn't stop the assault, he didn't yell or scream for help, he didn't call the cops in his horror of seeing what had taken place. Instead, he waited until the next day and went to his boss about it. Of all the people who had the chance to end Sandusky's reign of terror over these young boys, McQueary was the one who could have made an immediate and lasting impact. The Grand Jury report states that the victim and Sandusky both saw McQueary when he entered those showers. Can you imagine how much more magnified that child's horror would have been when he saw McQueary turn and walk away instead of helping him out of that situation?

How is McQueary punished for literally turning his back on this assault, on this young man? "His status is unchanged", says the Board of Trustees. McQueary has kept his job.

You can place the blame a lot of places in this Penn State debacle, but if you want a hierarchy, it had better start with Sandusky, and the next name on your list had better be McQueary. Joe Paterno's name might also be on the list, but given all the actual factors, it should appear at or near the bottom.

Nothing Happy About Happy Valley Right Now

2011-11-08T09:56:00.001-05:00

I don't know exactly how or when it all started for me. I can recall spending time at my Grandpa's house and he would have a ballgame on the TV and another one on the radio. This was common during baseball season. Grandpa was also a football fan, but not to the extent that he loved baseball. I guess I'm much the same way.

Somewhere along the way, it became obvious that, in Grandpa's world, there were a few rules when it came to sports. He didn't seem to mind whether or not you followed "his" teams, but you'd better not be a fan of his rivals. When it pertained to college sports, that meant no Ohio State and no Notre Dame. (Aside: there have been very few times in my life where I've ever lost any respect for my father, but when he became a ND fan because his wife is an ND fan, I felt a bit of shame. Grandpa would not approve. C'mon Dad, you married a woman, not a football team.)

Anyhow, whether it was the colors that so closely match those of my beloved Detroit Tigers, or the history and tradition of the uniforms and the ageless head coach, somewhere in my earlier years, I became hooked on Penn State football. I remember the Fiesta Bowl win against a heavily favored Miami team, I remember the days when Penn State was independent. I grew up being proud to sport that Lion's head deep within Ohio State territory. I wore it like a badge of honor.

When the news broke a couple of days ago that former longtime Defensive Coordinator Jerry Sandusky had been indicted on charges that he sexually abused young children, I was shocked. That type of news is always difficult to swallow; it's a subject that makes anyone uncomfortable at best, and downright sick at worst. While I've never met Sandusky, I did almost feel as if I knew him for all those years. Years that I had extolled the virtues of his defenses and told anyone who would listen how great he was. It wasn't ever just Joe Paterno, it was Paterno and Sandusky (and later Tom Bradley) that made Penn State so wonderful on the field.

In reality, however, "on the field" is all any of the fans ever knew, ever saw. Perhaps it was the innocence of my childhood, or maybe just the blindness I chose to have because I was a fan, that lead me to believe that these leaders of men were infallible. Much the same way a son looks up to his father and doesn't see the flaws, we do the same with our sports heroes, right or wrong. In this case, it looks like I was wrong.

I drove into work this morning in a great mood. I had just finished voting and was feeling pretty good about myself; like I had somehow made a difference. Listening to the radio, I was besieged by nothing but stories coming out of State College. This was the first time that I had heard some of the more damning details. Mike McQueary, a former Penn State quarterback now wide receivers coach, apparently witnessed an incident involving Sandusky and a young boy in 2002. McQueary told Paterno, who told the Athletic Director (who has been charged with perjury in in this case) and that was it. But, you know what? I'll get back to that in a moment.

Much of the coverage by the media here has centered on Joe Paterno and, to a lesser extent, Mike McQueary. There seems to almost be more outrage directed at them than at Sandusky. This seems backwards, but I do understand the mentality. It's almost as if we accept that Sandusky is a monster, but we want to vilify the Penn State officials for not doing enough to stop said monster. We aren't blaming Godzilla, we are blaming the Japanese citizens for not being able to kill the monster before he destroyed their city. I think it's important to remember that it was Sandusky, not McQueary or Paterno, who (allegedly) abused those children. It is Sandusky who should bear the brunt of the ire that is reigning down of State College.

I think it's easy to say that if it were me that witnessed this act, that I would have done things differently than McQueary did. Or that if I were Paterno, that I would have followed up with law enforcement or made sure Sandusky was banished from the University (at least). I think that, because so very few of us are put in those positions (thank God), we imagine ourselves doing the heroic thing, the right thing. But none of us were there and none of us knows exactly what happened. I'm doing my best here to maintain as much logic as I can in thinking this through, but it really isn't working.

For as long as I can remember, I have loudly and proudly supported Penn State and Joe Paterno. Never once, no matter how many of the players were arrested in bar fights, no matter how many 3-8 seasons took place in the down years, no matter how loud the cries for Paterno to retire grew, never once did I ever feel anything but pride in "my" Nittany Lions.

All of that changed this morning. Because for as much as we don't know what we would have done if it were we that walked in on Sandusky raping a young child, or what we would have done if it were us that heard that our longtime friend and co-worker was capable of such reprehensible behavior, I know that I assumed that Paterno, and even McQueary

I don't know how much responsibility to heap on the shoulders of the Penn State staff, but I'm not sure it matters all that much. Paterno had avenues he could have taken if the athletic department wanted to cover this up (and it appears they did). He could have removed Sandusky from the program, he could have called the authorities himself, he could have done more than he did. But he didn't. And while Sandusky is the real monster here, it looks as if Paterno didn't do everything he could to protect those kids. And I can't support a program or a coach that would quietly accept what McQueary described to him.

But how much more could Paterno have been reasonably expected to do? Sandusky was an employee of Penn State; he did not work for Paterno, although Paterno would have to have been considered his immediate supervisor. Paterno also works for Penn State and Tim Curley (the AD) was his immediate supervisor. By all accounts, paterno heard the allegations from mcQueary and passed them along to his boss, a man he could have and should have assumed would investigate the claims and take the proper action. It was Curley's negligence, much more than Paterno's, that allowed Sandusky to continue to have access to the University. Ultimately, it was Curley's job to take this information and alert the authorities. That's seems logical and reasonable to me, but it still assumes that Paterno bears no real responsibility here, and I'm just not comfortable thinking that's true.

If we blindly assume that everything we've heard about the situation at Penn State is true, we may have no brain. But if we blindly assume that no one but Sandusky should bear the responsibility, we may have no soul.

The Stork is Coming Again

2011-11-02T07:50:00.001-04:00

I'm not entirely sure what date this post will wind up getting published, but it's being written on October 22, 2011. By the time this goes live, the world will be aware that Valerie and I are once again expecting. As I write this, she is 17 weeks and three days pregnant.

In previous pregnancies, we always shared the news as early as safely possible or right at 12 weeks. This time, however, we decided to keep this to ourselves for as long as Valerie's tummy would allow. There are a few reasons for this.

For starters, as soon as we found out, both of us could hear the reactions we'd get from friends and family. Even the ones who offered their congratulations would do so, in all likelihood, while also saying things like "this is the last one, right?" or "you do know how that happens, don't you?" Worse will be the ones that openly object to another child in our family, one that would already includes four children ages six and under.

Frankly speaking, we simply don't want to hear it. It's not about you, it's about us. The world is full of arrogant individuals who think that their opinion of your life should be more important than your own. They won't admit to this, of course, because they don't recognize that they are this way, but they are. Most of the time, we all are.

I guess in a way, I can understand a few of these people having concerns. We already ask so much of my in-laws as far as watching the kids for an hour or three each day after school that adding another will only add to their responsibilities. Beth has also been kind enough to watch the little ones all day three times every other week; giving up her days off from work. I understand and appreciate their sacrifice to no end. But, Rob and Beth are they only two people that I can think of that this will affect at all in anything but a positive way, and for 95% of the rest of the world, this news won't have any affect at all.

But that won't stop the snide comments from those who are supposed to share in the joy, not try to dampen the atmosphere of happiness. Far too many of you will (and by the time this is published already have) take a selfish attitude about what should be a tremendously happy thing for us. Because again, this has pretty much absolutely nothing to do with you. So what, you might have to come to an extra birthday party? Don't come if that's a bother for you. We'll be fine. The child will be fine.

The other reason we decided to keep this in-house for as long as possible is that I wanted this one to be for us. Part of that, of course, is tied to the above. Maybe most of it. For the last two pregnancies, it seemed like the whole world was involved in our lives, commenting on everything. It didn't feel like it was something that Valerie and I shared together; we had to allow everyone else to come along, too. Knowing that this is the last one (and it is the last one, Valerie), I wanted this to be just ours for as long as it could be.

I was thinking last night about Leyton's journey to the world. That pregnancy included not only family and friends, but countless strangers; all of which were necessary thanks to Leyton's gastroschisis. When we were expecting Amity, the process was much different. Valerie and I were able to share things together that we couldn't before and that we can't now. By the time Amity was conceived, Leyton was sleeping in his own bed, so we had every night to lie together and talk and discuss names and just enjoy the process. Amity still won't sleep in her own bed and so there aren't those same moments with Valerie. I miss that. But while we haven't had as much time to share this with each other, it's comforting to know that what we do share is shared only between us. This feels like our pregnancy, like our family, not someone else's.

Maybe that's more selfish than what everyone else will think or say, but shouldn't it be? Shouldn't we, Valerie and I, have this for us? We created this child, we'll raise this child, we'll provide the love and support of this child. Why then, shouldn't we get to make this decision without repercussion? But I know we won't get off so easily.

In all likelihood, we'll see even more backlash because we waited to tell everyone. That's just how people are I guess.

I Alone

2011-10-18T10:48:00.002-04:00

In my last post, I talked about my curiosity of Buddhism and the meditations found therein. I spent a few hours yesterday scouring the internet in an attempt to find as much information as I could. While I haven't yet even begun to scratch the surface of what is out there, the quest has already started in my mind.

I can't begin to describe the feeling of anticipation and excitement that has taken hold of me. It is as if a curtain has been opened and I can now see a path to serenity. More than anything else, for the first time since I began giving my existence any kind of real thought, I have a hope that my questions may be answered. And hope is a wonderful thing.

I realize that anyone who reads this may very well come away thinking that I'm some kind of lunatic. It's a scary thing to commit to writing down one's thoughts. It is even more scary to click on that fancy little "publish post" button and truly leave yourself open to the criticisms of the world.

Up until about a year ago, I lived my life the same way that the vast majority of the world does. I'd go to work and react to people, I'd come home and react to my family, then I'd simply plop in front of the television and tune out the rest of the world. I did this for most of my adult life. Sure, my mind would be thinking constantly, but my thoughts have always been centered on reacting to the external; I rarely, if ever, gave any time to figuring out my own head. Truth be told, it simply never occurred to me to do so. If you simply accept that the way things are is the way they are supposed to be, you don't ever wonder how things could be different. That's what I did; I accepted that I was simply wired to be the way I was.

I have no idea why my wife felt that I was someone she'd want to spend her life with. I hear that men seek women who remind them of their mother and that women seek men like their father. Best I can tell, her father and I share very few traits. He is a patient man who keeps any kind of contentious thoughts unspoken. That's not me. Throughout my marriage, Valerie has at times pointed out my flaws. I don't mean while we are fighting (though she certainly does then as well), but while we are simply talking about life or the kids or whatever. She has tried to get me to see that I could handle a given situation better than I have. It was from those conversations that sprouted this seed of curiosity.

There is a stubbornness that must be overcome in order to examine oneself. The natural reaction when anyone tells you that you aren't good enough to to get defensive and put up a wall. No longer will you allow yourself to hear their reasoning, because their reasoning doesn't matter to you. The only thing that matters is the feeling that you are being attacked and you do what is needed to protect yourself, to protect your ego. Instead of listening to the protests, more often we lash back out at the protester, pointing out their flaws in a game of oneupsmanship. Before any serious introspection can take place, you have to be willing to move that ego to the side and honestly look at whether or not the perceived attacks are valid. This is a very difficult thing to do and it takes a long, long time to get to a point where you are willing to be as honest with yourself as needed.

The problem that I have encountered is that even after the ego is set aside, there are far more questions than answers. Once I was able to give an honest look within, I found that I knew very little about myself. Why was I the way I was? I am not blind, I can see the way others react to situations. I have spent a long time butting my head against the world. If a person or situation annoyed me, it was clearly the fault of the annoyance. This creates an atmosphere where people feel the need to tread lightly around me or risk the wrath of my temper. Certainly I am not alone in my reactions to the world, I know and see others who react the way I do, but does that mean that the way I react is optimal? And if not, are there ways I can change the way I react?

The key element here, I think, is that I began asking these questions with the goal of finding answers. There has to be a willingness to see if, in fact, your self-righteousness is valid. Are your reactions the fault of the annoyance, or are they the fault of the man being annoyed? If the annoyance cannot be modified, then the reaction to it must be. There must also be a willingness to pursue avenues of change if you find that your self-righteous behavior is unwarranted.

I'm just guessing here, but I doubt many people are willing to look that deeply and that honestly. There is a stigma attached to those who show a perceived weakness of the mind. If you hear that a person you know sees a psychiatrist, is your reaction to that news one of acceptance or one of ridicule? More often than not, it's ridicule. That person must not be right in the head; they must be crazy. It is that very line of thought that will prevent others from looking within their own heads. Consciously or not, there is a very real fear of what they may find if they do.

It's easier not to be wise. It's easier to sleepwalk through your life without giving any real thought to how our own minds work. We are willing instead to accept that what we have been given is what we should have. We accept that the contentment that others have shown is simply what they have been given. We may be jealous of their lot, but we accept that it is theirs and not ours; that it was not meant for us. We decide that we just need to catch that one life-changing break; we need to hit the lottery or find true love, or whatever. It's easier not to be great. It's easier not to be introspective, not to attempt improvement, not to risk opening a Pandora's box of self-doubt. It's easier to remain envious of others and wonder why we couldn't be so lucky.

But to do this, to wander through our lives focused only on the external, is to accept restlessness. It is to accept unhappiness. It is to accept loneliness. It is to accept discontent.

And I'm not willing to accept those things anymore.

My Latest Personal Quest for Answers

2011-10-17T16:05:00.003-04:00

"It must suck to go through life as a miserable pessimist, proclaiming yourself a 'realist' while most people just think you're an asshole." -unknown

Yesterday, I began reading a book. I have a few on my shelf that I've been meaning to tackle, but with the baseball season going on and all the work I do in covering the season, I have no time for it. Now that the Tigers have been eliminated, I decided to crack one open instead of watching football (which I don't care much about anyway).

The first book on list was The Way of Baseball: Finding Stillness at 95 MPH by former Major Leaguer Shawn Green. There was a reason i chose this book versus a few others. Green wasn't one of my favorite players by any stretch, but his book promised not only a good baseball story, it promised also to tell the reader how Green was able to unlock his mind and truly become happy. Truth be told, it was the second part that intrigued me.

The book itself is roughly 200 pages and thus far I've read only 36 of them. Upon finishing my reading for the day, I sent a text to my wife that said "this book is changing the way I think about life." I meant every word of that text.

What has happened since I began my reading of this book is that I find myself consumed with the idea of stillness. Green has touched only briefly on the topic so far, but his words have awakened a curiosity within me. The meditation that he practiced prepared him to enter the mind and achieve a serenity that I do not know. The result, for me, is that I want to learn more.

Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows that I am difficult to deal with. My views of the world are often harsh and I rarely take the time and effort needed to soften my response to others, whether they be friend or foe. When I was younger, I wore my pessimism as a badge of honor (how incredibly stupid that is), and now I am left only to wonder how many years of anger, frustration, and disappointment I could have avoided with a sunnier disposition. At 34, I'm no longer young, but I still have a long life ahead of me; 'twould be a shame to waste was is left of it being consumed by loathing.

I think back to when I was in college. I didn't have a lot going for me. I had no love-life to speak of, I drank often. I had a series of crappy jobs that brought very little money and even less fulfillment. During that time, I was a generally unhappy person. I don't even know it it actually was "unhappy", but I can't find the words to properly articulate my disposition. The glass was always half-empty, I guess.

Fast forward several years and I have found the love of my wife and children. I have a stable job, I have found an outlet in my writing. I own a home and have a yard and a dog and everything i could ask for. But still I remain sour, despite the fact that almost every single variable has changed for the better. Obviously, the problem as I see it, is that I haven't changed the way I react to the world.

I was raised Catholic, but it wasn't strictly enforced. When I married, I happily allowed my children to attend a Methodist church; the one my wife called hers. It didn't take long, through the actions of several members of said church, to realize that the hypocrisy within those walls were not unlike the same that took place in my Catholic church. It has all always been very unsatisfying to me. The answers I have sought have not been found within either sector of religion. I have come to realization that they will not be found there. They may be there for others, but not for me.

This journey that I would like to pursue has its root in Buddhism, from what I understand, a religion about which I know very little. The Western world frowns upon veering from the beaten path and Buddhism, in these parts, certainly qualifies. I do not know if my inner conflicts can be resolved with the answers I may find in its teachings, but I'm willing to find out. Nothing I have tried so far has worked.

In reality, this restlessness has been a long time coming. I have worked to lengthen my fuse, so to speak, to avoid moments of rage stemming from an annoyance. I think I'm a bit better at keeping my cool now than I once was, but I routinely find myself teetering on the edge. Do this often enough and anyone is certainly bound to slip. I slip much more often than I would like.

I realize that there are external components that will influence my thoughts and feelings. Those components cannot be controlled, try as I might. I might allow a customer or even a stranger to irritate me, and that puts me in a dark mood. That mood manifests itself within my head and grows and sprouts other unnecessary thoughts of discomfort. My children are a joy, but they are children and they are loud and they fight and they climb on things that should not be climbed on, and they break things and write on things, and they destroy my sanity. I cannot stop them from being kids, and so far I have been unable to stop them from affecting my mood and my well-being. It's unhealthy for me, and it creates an atmosphere of yelling and discord that becomes unhealthy for them as well.

I have come to the realization that while the external influences cannot be controlled, I must look within myself to control how I allow these influences to affect me. If I can do this, I will be better equipped to prevent the darkness inside myself and allow more light to shine within my head. It is my hope that by working toward this goal, I will in turn become the more patient, more caring father and husband that I need to be. Further, it is my hope that I, too, can achieve the inner stillness that allows my mind to be free from the external influences that have affected how I have lived my life so far.

In reading the words written by a former ballplayer, I have found a curiosity and a hope. I do not know whether or not I will find the peace and stillness I need to find, but I am excited to see what awaits down this path of spirituality and inner peace. I want to do this because it does suck to be a miserable pessimist. And most people (rightly so) do think I'm an asshole.

The Stupidity that Takes Place Within the Customer Lounge

2011-10-13T09:28:00.000-04:00

From my office at the dealership, I can hear everything that happens in the customer lounge next door. Most of the time, this isn't a huge issue as at least I can catch up on whatever stuff Fox New Channel thinks I should give a crap about. Of course, in addition to the television that's usually turned up way too high, I get to overhear the customers talking as well.

Today there is an elderly couple in the lounge. I can't see them, but there's no mistaking the man's voice as one that must be beyond 70. The service writer came into the lounge to try to sell some work that needs done on their car. In this instance, the customer's third brake light bulb is burnt out. Parts and labor to fix this minor issue will total $20. The woman is all for the idea, but the man insists he's "not paying $60 dollars for a bulb," even though she clearly said $20. The service writer and the elderly woman both repeat that the cost is $20, not $60, but the old man stands his ground. The bulb will go unfixed.

So, the service writer retreats and the couple is left alone. The woman asks (quite legitimately) is the man is capable of changing the bulb. The man insists that the SW had said $60 the first time and that she's trying to rip him off. Then he says "it's probably not even out, we'll check it when we get home." So clearly, we know this guy cannot hear very well, is too old to physically handle many tasks, and suspects that our dealership, the most reputable dealership in the area, is trying to screw him. He goes on to tell his companion that there was one other time "they" insisted a bulb was out but he checked it later and it was working. She asks at that point "didn't you replace that bulb, though?" To which he replies, "well that was later, after it quit working." Sure, buddy.

I really do have a point to this story, I swear, and it's this: If you think going in that this business will try to screw you, why would you bring your car here? Personally, if I had that opinion about any business, there is no way I would patronize them again.

Oh my gosh, he's still going... Now he's complaining about the cost of the oil change. It's ridiculous, he says. Now he actually said "these people are gonna rip you off." Not today, pal. I swear it's all I can do to remain seated in my office and not walk in there and point out everything this asshat is wrong about.

It's gonna be a long, long day.

Realizing One of My Childhood Dreams

2011-10-03T13:44:00.000-04:00

I was seven years old when the Detroit Tigers last won the World Series. I was 10 when they last won a divisional crown. Back in 1987, it was the AL East that the Tigers claimed as their own before falling to the underdog Twins in five games in the ALCS. (There were only two divisions back then and no wild cards, so no ALDS existed. Man, I feel old having to explain that.)

Nineteen years passed between playoff appearances for my beloved Tigers before they claimed a wild card spot and ran all the way to the World Series in 2006. I was thrilled, of course, but I had to enjoy the games from the comfort of home instead at at the park. I couldn't land tickets.

Tomorrow night, the Tigers will host the Yankees in Game Four of the ALDS and I will be there. I managed to land a single ticket; an obstructed view seat, no less, for what could be the clinching game.

I figure since the game doesn't even start until after 8:30, it won't end before midnight. By the time I filter out of the stadium and back to the car, it will be well past 3 am before I get home. I have no idea how much it will cost to park, either. Regular season games cost me $10, so I think I can safely assume at least three times that amount for the playoffs. I heard they were charging $45 for parking in New York.

Regardless of the cost and regardless of the hour, I will be there to see my Tigers play in the playoffs. The anticipation is overwhelming. I think I can safely say that this will be one of the top two or three coolest things to happen to me in my lifetime, not counting my wedding and the birth of my kids.

The only thing that would make it better is if I could have gotten two tickets. Valerie and I had a pair of seats to what would have been Game 5, but the Tigers didn't secure home field, so Game 5 won't exist in Detroit. Sorry about that, baby, but I had to pull rank on you here. I've got about 27 years of Tigers fan seniority on you. But I promise that the next time the Tigers get back to the postseason, you'll be with me to take in all the action.

Less is More

2011-09-27T10:17:00.000-04:00

Two weeks ago tomorrow I made a significant change in my online writing career. Starting in 2008, I had been blogging about the Tigers virtually every day. As of September 14, I officially stepped down as Senior Editor of my beloved Motor City Bengals.

This wasn't an easy decision at all and I worried that I might immediately regret it. I worried that my replacement wouldn't bring the same passion, the same drive, or the same vision that I had for the site. What we did at MCB was special, that much I am sure of. When I took the reigns of the site in early 2009, I declared that I wanted it to become the biggest and best Tigers site on the net. We were starting essentially from scratch and I was actually losing ground a bit (in terms of traffic) from my independent site. At that time, there were several sites that were bigger than mine. The Detroit Tigers Weblog had been around since 2002, Bless You Boys was a giant and indy sites like the Daily Fungo, Mack Avenue Tigers, Tiger Tales, and even the Spot Starters had larger followings. There were, undoubtedly, others as well.

A shift in the Tigersphere happened very soon after that, however. Billfer stopped writing at the Weblog, Kurt left MAT to take over for Ian at BYB, suddenly two of my three biggest obstacles were essentially eliminated. Throw in the demise of the Spot Starters and Mike's extended breaks at the Fungo and all of a sudden there was a void that we could fill. We worked tirelessly over the next year or so, posting at least once everyday and often more than that. I added two writers, then another, then another, in hopes of growing the site. Everything we did was bringing MCB to the forefront of Tigers coverage.

I began thinking about stepping down some time ago. Last August, I had accepted the position of Director of Development for FanSided MLB. Between the writing that I had to be dedicated to and the duties the network needed my to perform, the strain was more than I could effectively manage. My first responsibility should have been to my site, I felt, but I had such a good staff around me that I could afford to spare some time for the network as well. When Matt Snyder left my site to become an editor at a site created just for him, I was forced to recruit for MCB.

With a bevy of new writers, I had to re-dedicate myself to producing a high volume of quality posts. The success we had at MCB was outstanding and I was having a blast focusing on my writing again. Unfortunately, the recruiting I needed to be doing at the network level suffered. It was the second week of September and we were rolling out new staff levels, complete with a new, higher, post quota. We knew this would cause some amount of turnover. I had no idea how I would be able to keep it all together. It was at that time that opportunity came knocking.

There was a relatively young site within the Tigersphere, but they were gaining attention. They had a solid staff of writers and the site's founder, Mickey Brignall, contacted me with an interesting idea. What if the two sites, mine and his, were to merge? Mickey had a longing to cover the entire baseball landscape and his top writer, John Verburg, was a veritable machine when it came to writing. Throw in Garret Craig, a talented young writer, and we would have a staff fully ten writers deep. While it might not have been Mickey's vision when he approached me, I quickly saw the chance to move forward.

In the end of our negotiations, we agreed that Mickey would join our general site and John would take over as editor at MCB. This would allow me the freedom of time I needed to get more highly involved in the network. I worried a lot about the decision I was making; I was voluntarily handing my site over to another writer, one who was from outside the FanSided family. Ultimately I decided that if things went south, I could step in again and reclaim my site. Even though I would stay on his staff, I would still be his boss as the director after all.

Now almost two weeks in, this situation could not have gone better. The network still has some holes I need to fill, but I've been able to attract and land a few new editors. MCB, meanwhile, has seen success I never imagined.Our numbers are up across the board and we re already talking about more ways to drive traffic. john has been more than i could have hoped for as the site's editor. And I have been relaxed and able to enjoy the Tigers' run to the division crown.

I don't know how far I can take my involvement in the network. I hope that someday, when we get the funding we need, I'll be able to turn this into a decent part-time job. In the meantime, I'll make a few posts on MCB when I get the urge to write and I'll keep plugging holes within the network. So far, so good.

The worst thing I have ever seen

2011-09-04T12:42:00.001-04:00

This morning, as I laid on the couch passing the time with four little ones scurrying around the house, a feature began on Sportscenter about a young man who saved many lives in the September 11 attacks. My oldest daughter, Lillian, is just six years old. She was sitting on the adjacent couch reading a spy kids book. The feature had been going on for a few minutes when she put the book down and shooed her brother away. "I want to watch this," she said.

The feature, about the young man named Welles and his red bandanna, was moving. It recounted, via those who survived, those who were there in the second tower, how Welles helped others get to safety, only to go back into the building to find and help others once again. Welles lost his own life when the tower collapsed.

When the feature ended, Lillian, who had since been joined by Sebastian on the couch, began asking questions. "How did he die?" "Why did he keep going back in?" She's only six, how much of this do I want her to know, I wondered. My mind kept turning back to that Tuesday morning in 2001, ten years ago next week, and the horrible events that transpired. I wondered at what point would her teachers tell her the tale of that day, what the textbooks would say. I made a decision; I would do my best to explain the unexplainable to these two young children. I hadn't meant for them to be exposed to such terror, but now that they had been, I felt I owed them as many answers as I could give.

I was working, at that time, as a restaurant manager at Fricker's in Bowing Green, Ohio. Our establishment was not unlike a BW3 in the menu or the clientele. We stayed open until 2:30am each day and on September 10, 2001, I had been the closing manager. Once the place is closed and I have finished counting the drawers and whatnot, I would usually get home at about 4 in the morning. After that, it would take me an hour or so to get to sleep.

The next morning, my roommate, Ed, came into my room just after 8 am. Ed knew I had worked the night before and that I would sleep until early afternoon on most days. This was obviously important. "Turn on the TV," he said. I could see the look on his face; something was going on. When the television warmed up and gained a picture, I was about to ask him what channel, then I saw that it didn't matter. ESPN wasn't showing their normal programming; it had been taken over by an ABC News feed. There was a static picture of the World Trade Center towers, but you could hear the folks on the broadcast talking about how a plane had crashed into the tower. Smoke and flames was pouring from the side of the tower, nearly three-quarters of the way up. Minutes went by as I tried to comprehend what was going on, as i tried to wrap my head around the picture I was seeing and the words I was hearing. Was this some horrible tragedy where a pilot lost control of his plane? An unfortunate accident that would cost hundreds of lives?

Then, as the picture remained still and the news guys spoke, I saw another lane enter the picture. It was headed in the direction of the towers again. The voices on the TV didn't notice it; they kept on talking, not mentioning the second plane. My mind raced; Why aren't they saying something about this? Are they even looking at the picture? The second plane struck the second tower, erupting in smoke and fire. It wasn't until many second after the impact that the voices on the TV took notice and began to contemplate what was going on. This was no accident, that much was clear.

The feed remained static, but you began to see small things falling from the towers. Those things, it turned out, were people. First one tower collapsed, then the other. Thousands of people who had gone to work that morning were gone. A great sadness wrapped our nation and myself. This was an attack like we had never seen in this country and we witnessed it live on television. Word came down about a third plane hitting the Pentagon and a fourth that crash in a field in Pennsylvania. I spent the next several hours learning about the terrorists and their plan of attack. I talked with friends and family, sharing in the disbelief, the shock, the horror.

Tuesdays were always our busiest night at the restaurant and by the time I was to report to work at six pm, many other businesses had closed in the wake of the attacks. We stayed open and the place was full when I walked in, just as it always was on Tuesdays. President Bush was scheduled to address the nation that evening and when it happened, the restaurant became silent. There were probably 200 people inside our walls, between customers, waitstaff and kitchen help. During the address, however, not one order was taken, not one drink was poured, not one chicken wing was cooked. Customers sat silently, eyes glued to the TV waiting for answers. The staff at Frickers stood behind the bar, themselves staring at the dozens of big screen televisions. I have been in that building many times by myself, hours after the place has closed. I have never been anywhere so eerily quiet. It truly was surreal.

It's hard to imagine the tragedy that took place that morning, or the heartache felt by so many in the loss of their friends and family. It's difficult, now, to remember a time before those people took it upon themselves to murder American citizen. What have become accepted inconveniences in our lives (ecpecially the increased airport security and having to have a passport to come back from Canada) were once nowhere near our conscientiousness. If there is a sliver lining in all of this, it's that the lives of those who were there are not forgotten, nor are the sacrifices made by the first responders who gave their lives in an attempt to save others.

There are parts of the above narrative that I left out when I told the kids of the events of that day. They're still so young, they don't need the details. Sebastian couldn't understand why these people would purposely drive a plane into a building and my answer was unfulfilling for him. "I don't know, buddy. I don't understand it, either."

I can only hope that my children never have to witness such an incident, and that our textbooks can tell the story of those who died and the men and women who gave their lives in an attempt to save others. One thing I know, however, is that no matter how well the books tell the story, their will never be a good enough answer as to why it happened in the first place.

"See You Later" Feels Far Too Much Like "Goodbye"

2011-09-02T10:32:00.002-04:00

Before I start, I should probably explain a little about my family. I was born in 1977 and my parents divorced in 1981, so the vast majority of my life consisted of my mom and older sister living in one house and my dad living in another. There were a couple of additions along the way; my mom re-married, had another baby, then re-divorced. My dad re-married a woman who had a son already (so I had a brother for a few years), then they got divorced. When I was nine or ten, my dad re-married again and he and my step-mother have been together ever since. This marriage brought another sister, Jennifer, into the mix, who came via Vickie's (my step-mother) first marriage. So I have one sister, one half sister, and one step-sister, plus a mom, a dad, and a step-mother. Now that I've laid it all out, please understand that those titles will no longer be used. As far as I'm concerned, I have three sisters and a dad, a mom, and Vickie (who has always been very much a second mom to me, but for whatever reason she never got that title; she's always just been Vickie).

Growing up through the 80s and 90s, most of my friends came from "traditional" households where their parents were still married. Nowadays I'm sure my unique family is more the norm than that of the people who have remained married and raised their children together. I don't know the exact reason that my parents ever divorced, but I honestly don't much care. It was always normal to me that mom lived here and dad lived there. Everything was fine and I assume that I'm fairly well-adjusted (whatever that means). Dad and Vickie have been married for something in the neighborhood of 25 years now and they have always, always been there whenever I needed anything.

Last night, Dad and Vickie met us in Lima to take us out to dinner; it's something that happens semi-regularly. They get to spend time with the kids, Valerie and I get to sort of "take a break" from being the only set of eyes on the four little ones. Plus, we get to eat for free, which is always nice.

Unfortunately, last night's gathering was very much bittersweet. About a year ago or so, they (Dad & Vickie) told us (my sisters and I) of their plan for the future. They were going to buy a travel trailer and spend time moving around the country, living in campgrounds, while Vickie worked as a traveling nurse. Dad's company, where he's spent 40 years, probably won't be around in a few years and in order to protect his stocks, it's best he gets out sooner rather than later. I don't think any of us actually expected them to leave.

About eight months ago, they bought that trailer and moved to a campground about 20 minutes away. Dad was still working, as was Vickie, as she was unable to land the job she desired. I would get occasional updates about why they hadn't left yet and a few weeks ago, Jennifer told me Dad and Vickie had made plans to move back into their house. It looked like they would be sticking around, at least through the winter.

Not two days later, I got the call I was dreading. Dad told me that Vickie had landed a position in Richmond, Virginia, and that they would be leaving in two weeks. Last night's dinner gathering was the last time we will see them for a minimum of 13 weeks. By that time, it will be early December and they will likely head further south to avoid the harsh Ohio winter.

The dinner was normal. There was no sense of dread or even a sense that this was the end of a life that I had considered normal for so long. That is, normal until we left the restaurant. We all stood in the parking lot for what must have been 10 minutes, just talking and whatnot. Finally, it was time to say goodbye. I swear, until I heard my dad, my hero, sobbing uncontrollably as he hugged the kids and hugged my wife, it didn't even occur to me that this really was "goodbye". I was holding our youngest daughter and Dad reached over Valerie's shoulder and put his hand on my back. He gave me a quick squeeze, without looking at me, and he turned and walked off, obviously trying to compose himself. That was his goodbye to me. It was all he could do. (It took me a very long time and at least a few tissues to write this paragraph)

After they left, we put the kids in the van and Valerie and I stayed at chatted with Jennifer for a while. Valerie was and is quite upset about their departure. My kids have several sets of grandparent, but Dad and Vickie were quite active in seeking out time to see the kids. My in-laws live in town and they watch the kids for a few hours each day before Valerie gets off work, but the other grandparents can't be bothered most of the time. Dad and Vickie were always there for these kids, just as they were always there for me.

Now, they're gone.

I get it, it's not like they've died or anything. They have raised their kids and now it's time for them. They want to travel and move around from place to place. They've certainly put in the time and paid the dues; they should enjoy life while they're still young enough and healthy enough to do so. But understanding why they're doing what they're doing doesn't make it any less difficult for me, or, I'm sure, for them. And it doesn't make any of the emotions that Valerie and I are feeling any less valid.

It really didn't hit me until this morning and while I understand what's going on, I don't like it. I'm happy for them but at the same time I'm a little bit angry and a lot sad. Growing up, I had a very close relationship with my grandparents and I credit those relationships with building much of who I am as a person. I worry now that my children won't get the same benefits I had. Even though I understand the motivations, they just got these grandchildren, their only grandchildren, less than four years ago and the youngest is not yet two. No matter how often you skype with someone, it's not the same as being there. You can't attend a soccer game or take the family out to dinner, or have us over for a cookout, or come to birthday parties from a telephone. You just can't replace the personal contact that enriches lives.

If things go well for Dad and Vickie, if they stick to their plan, they'll come back to Ohio every once in a while. The kids will see them at Christmas, I hope, and maybe once more each year. That's not enough for the kids. And it's not enough for me. Will Amity even know who they are when they come home?

I know this is sounding more angry than I intended it to, but I always try to be as honest as possible on this site. I'm in no way trying to guilt them into changing their plans or anything like that. I have accepted what's happening, but I wish it wasn't happening. The kids need them in their lives. I need them in my life. But I'm also proud that they have the courage to start something new.

Hurry home you two. I already miss you too much for you to be away, and you haven't even left the state yet. I know we don't ever say it, that it's simply understood, but I love you both very much and you are missed greatly. Godspeed.

Early Scouting Report of Sebastian the Soccer Star

2011-08-22T12:39:00.000-04:00

This weekend marked Sebastian's first foray into organized athletics. Well, as organized as five and six year olds can be while playing soccer, anyway. He and Lillian play on the same team, but she played last season as well.

The game ended in a tie, but that really isn't the point here, is it? The point is that for a kid who is slender and quite strong, Sebastian looks terribly uncoordinated when he runs. Throughout the game, he appeared to be limping, but when we asked him afterwards, he said his shoes fit just fine and that he wasn't at all hurt. It was as if he just doesn't know how to run.

Earlier in the week at practice, the coaches had the kids running sprints. I wasn't surprised to see Lillian pulling up the rear, but what shocked me is that Sebastian was right there with her each time. We had assumed that maybe he was waiting for her. The two have been inseparable since the day he was born, so it would make sense. He won't even go play outside unless Lillian is willing to go too.

But in the game, Sebastian was slow as well. It wasn't that he wasn't trying (he actually appeared to be giving it his all), but he just couldn't keep up with the other kids on the field. Part of this, I'm sure, can be chalked up to not really understanding what it was that he was supposed to do. Uncertainty will cause any athlete to play slower than he should. But I worry that the larger part is that for whatever reason, maybe speed just isn't something he's blessed with. Like I said, he's strong and he's adventurous. There's not a swingset he can't climb and swing from like an ape. And he's not at all stocky. In fact, you'd be hard pressed to find an ounce of fat on him. Knowing this, I had just assumed he'd be faster.

Now, obviously the key here really should be that they kids were out there running around and having fun. I know this. I'm not one of those dads that will be demanding my kid play better. Sports, especially at this age, are supposed to be fun and by all accounts both he and Lillian had fun. But I also have an eye on their futures in sports. What baseball-loving dad doesn't?

Unfortunately for him, speed is something I'd have a lot of trouble giving him pointers with, so hopefully he takes a liking to pitching. Pitchers don't generally need to be all that fast anyway. Maybe neither of my boys will turn out to love baseball as I have. That's okay. The world needs doctors and engineers and scientists a lot more than it needs ballplayers, anyway. So long as they become good people, I'll be happy.

Those Vows You Spoke are Supposed to Mean Something

2011-08-18T15:47:00.000-04:00

I saw a tweet today that made me think. And it made me sad. The tweet said "I swear driving away is the hardest thing I do. Daddy loves you." Now, I don't know the context here, nor do I know why this person would tweet this thought to the masses instead of simply telling his children these words. It could be that this "Daddy" is a salesman or a truck driver or does something else that requires he leaves his family to travel to earn his living. It could be that he counts down the hours until he gets home. I'd like to think that's the case. It's sad that a family should have to be split up that way, but it happens if that's the only job the guy can get.

The other possibility is that the tweeter is a divorced father, or maybe he and the mother were never married. Either way, those two are no longer together. The kids live with their mom and the father sees them sparingly, like every other weekend or something like that. This doesn't make me sad for the father so much as it does for the kids. This, maybe much more so that the first scenario, is avoidable.

I understand that we aren't always thinking about the consequences of our actions. Sometimes we do things and maybe we get away with it. Maybe you went out last weekend and had a few too many and then you decided you were okay and drove yourself home. It seemed like a good idea at the time. You made it home without getting caught and without hitting anyone or anything. You got away with it. The next day maybe you realize how dumb you were to try something like that and hopefully you learn a harmless lesson.

Other times, we don't get away with it and then it's time to own your actions and take responsibility for the situation. If you are married, you are making a lifelong commitment to that person. This is something that far too many people take far too lightly. Those vows that you recite, those aren't just words. They mean something. They say that for better or for worse, no matter the scenario, through thick and thin, you will stand by your partner's side. It's a commitment to honor, to love, and to cherish. And to do so for as long as you both shall live.

The divorce rate in this country is sky high. I don't know the precise number, but I believe it's north of fifty percent. We live in a modern world that puts instant gratification at our fingertips. If something is difficult, we generally give up quickly and find something else to do. The problem is that there is no real happiness in jumping from one quick and easy thing to the next; the only true gratification comes from seeing a difficult process through to the end. Marriage is difficult, fatherhood is difficult, but there will be no happiness is giving up and moving on.

Look, I understand that there are extreme cases where a partner is abusive to another or to the children, where for safety's sake, a marriage must end. But you cannot tell me that this alone accounts for the failure rate of marriages in this country. I am not some holy roller who thinks you'll go to hell for getting a divorce, but I do believe that when you give someone your word, you should do everything possible to honor that commitment. As strongly as I believe in marriage, I feel much more strongly that as soon as kids are involved, the stakes are raised significantly.

Now, I assume most of you are thinking that I grew up in some perfect household with a mom and a dad that never fought, with two siblings, with a dog, and a white picket fence.That's far from the truth. My parents were divorced when I was four years old and I spent the rest of my childhood visiting my dad on Tuesday evenings and then spending the night with him on Friday. I saw him much more often that that, though, as he lived just down the road from me for the majority of my childhood. I honestly don't know the reasons that my parents' marriage ended. I've never asked and don't intend to. My dad was always there and my mom did a tremendous job with my two sisters and I. I was young enough when it happened that I actually don't remember a time where my parents lived together. I suppose that made it easier for me. I know it was a lot harder on my older sister.

Now that I am married with kids of my own, I'm learning so much about myself and about my belief system. Things I thought were important before generally don't mean all that much to me now. Likewise, things I never gave thought to before have become quite meaningful these days.

I didn't get married until I was 30 years old. I married a woman who had two very young children from her first marriage. I was set up for failure. I had no idea how to put the needs of others before my own; I had never had to do that before. I had no idea how to raise a child, especially a 2 year old boy that I had just met.

More than anything I think, I learned what it means to be a father by seeing how my wife's ex-husband has handled things. I see the way he disappoints the kids by not showing up when he says he will, by telling them he'll keep them overnight only to bring them home two hours later so he can go out with his drinking buddies. I see the looks on their faces on Saturday afternoon, when their bio-dad had told them he'd pick them up first thing that morning, and they realize he's not coming. I learned that actions, and words, mean something and they have consequences. Unfortunately, it's the kids that suffer those consequences in this case.

Like I said, I'm not saying there is never a reason to end a marriage. What I'm saying is that there are ways to avoid getting to that point. It comes from both partners and has to be done together and always. First, don't abuse your partner or the kids. I shouldn't have to say that, should I? Secondly, don't cheat on your spouse. Thirdly, understand that you and your spouse will argue, you will fight, and you will get angry. Don't immediately assume that the other one hates you and don't do something stupid that escalates the situation.

You and your wife have a big fight and you leave the house. You decide you'll get back at her by heading to the bar. Two hours later you wind up cheating on her. Now the marriage is in big, big trouble because you felt the selfish need to get even. Three years later, there's some other guy tucking your kids into bed, some other guy they're calling "dad" and your left tweeting about how hard it is to drive away. Tell me, was it worth it?

It's about honoring your spouse, about putting the needs of others before yours, and about having the courage to stick it out and see it through. More than that, more than anything, it's about never putting yourself into a position to have to drive away and allow someone else to raise your children.

The Story of Us

2011-08-15T15:19:00.000-04:00

So I'm sitting at work perusing my twitter feed and the customer lounge in the next room has some show on the TV. I'm not sure what it is, but it's like Entertainment Tonight or TMZ or something that deals only with the lives of celebrities. So garbage, basically. Anyhow, the big news of the day is that actress Tara Reid (who was sooo hot in Van Wilder) reportedly got engaged and married all in the same day. And apparently she wasn't even drunk in Vegas when this happened.

Now, I don't give a rat's ass what Tara Reid has chosen to do with her life, so this post has nothing to do with her (but it does make me wan to watch Van Wilder again - tremendous film). Since the intent, or at least a large part of the intent, of this blog is to give my kids a place to get to know me and my inner-most thoughts, I think the Reid marriage gives me a good enough excuse to tell the story of my wife and I.

This is a long and complicated story, but whose marriage isn't? Ours is a story unlike anyone's I ever heard though. Stay with me, I think you'll enjoy...

I first met Valerie several months after my then-fiance (Jenn) and I moved back to Lima from Bowling Green. Jenn had taken a job at a laboratory doing pharmaceutical research. It was there that she met Valerie and the two became good friends. On occasion, Jenn and I would visit the local bars and one such evening we were joined by Valerie and her husband. I remember seeing her for the first time; she wasn't especially tall, but carried herself in a way that made her look taller than her 5'8" frame. She walked with a confidence about her. She had the most amazing eyes I've ever seen, a pure blue that can't be re-created by crayola. I liked her immediately. She was amazingly alluring, she was sexy. (Sorry kids, but there is no other way to put it)

Fast forward about a year. Valerie's marriage had long since ended and she had been dating a few people. Jenn and I would talk and I remember telling her how Valerie was better than this new guy or that one. I didn't see her often and no, there was never anything going on between us, but Valerie was someone I did like. I can't say the same for some of Jenn's other friends.

It was late January of 2008 when Jenn left the house on a Friday afternoon. She was driving back home to her parent's house for the weekend, or at least that's what she had told me. This wasn't all that unusual. I was watching Top Gun on AMC that night when my phone rang. It was my cousin, who asked if Jenn was home. I told him she wasn't, that she had gone back to Canton for the weekend. "No she didn't, dude" he said "she's at the movies with some guy and a 12-year-old kid." My heart immediately went to my throat.

I called Jenn, no answer. I texted her, she responded that she couldn't talk. I called again, finally she answered. I told her what my cousin had said, sure (or at least desperately hoping) that he was mistaken; that it wasn't Jenn he had seen. She laughed a bit, but said she had to go. She was at the movies, she told me, but in Canton, with her friend Terri. I asked what she was seeing (I have no idea why I asked this, but I did). Her response: National Treasure 2. I told her to have fun and we hung up. But something didn't sit right.

I racked my brain. Why would she go see National Treasure Two? A sequel to a movie that (to my knowledge) she had never seen? It didn't make sense. A Disney film? A sequel? Even for her, that wouldn't be one you would make a trip to a theater to see, especially if you'd never seen the first one. You would only do this if you were with a child that had seen the first one. This would be an excellent film to take a kid to see. Now I was fairly sure that my cousin had been right, but what to do?

I wound up doing the only thing I could think of in my panic. Five minutes before, my life was good, now with one phone call from my cousin, my whole world was shattered. I called Valerie. I had never even spoken with her on the phone before. I was a mess as I explained what was happening. She couldn't tell me anything, of course, even if she knew. She was Jenn's friend, not mine. I knew that, but I didn't know what else to do. She stayed on the phone with me for a long time, eventually she broke and told me I should go to the theater.

I caught my fiance coming out of the movies with another man and his child. I confronted her in the parking lot. She returned home that night, but things were very much over at that point. I wasn't sure I wanted to try to fix things, but she was sure she really liked this guy, a divorced 37-year-old Marine.

Two days later, I spent an evening with Valerie (with Jenn's blessing). From that day forward, Valerie and I spent almost every day together. It wasn't long before Valentine's Day rolled around. Jenn even went with Valerie to pick out a gift for me. By the end of February, we were very much in love. As it turns out, we were also very much pregnant. To me, there was no choice to be made here. I was in love with this woman like I've never imagined love could be. I had been with Jenn for seven years and to be honest, the last five of those were more for comfort than anything else. I would learn later that Jenn had been seeing other men for the entirety of our relationship, but that didn't matter anymore. I had found the one I was supposed to be with. The pregnancy sped up the process, to be sure, but Valerie and I were of the same mind and same heart on this one. We went together and picked out our rings in mid-March. On April 4, 2008, we were married.

There have been more than a few bumps in the road from that day to this one, but each time we've struggled, we've grown closer together. That pregnancy turned out to be our son, Leyton. At our 20 week ultrasound, we were told that Leyton (who hadn't been named yet) had gastroschisis, which is a birth defect that causes the intestines to push through an unclosed hole in the umbilical cord. The next few months were filled with stress of not knowing whether or not our child would live, let alone what his condition might mean. We had weekly trips to Columbus for ultrasounds and my relationship with Valerie was strained at best. The fact is that were really didn't know each other when we got married, so that compounded with the normal pregnancy issues and the stress of this diagnosis made life hell. There was also, of course, the fact that Valerie's first marriage had produced two small children and I was having to adapt to being a dad for the first time, and without a chance to really get to know the kids, either.

I can't tell you whether or not Valerie and I would have made it without Leyton. I lean towards no. When he was born on October 9 of that year, he had to spend 24 days in Children's Hospital waiting for, then undergoing, then recovering from surgery. In that time, Valerie and I lived in the Ronald McDonald House across the street from the hospital. I drove almost two hours each way to work and back every day. Our room, like all those at RMH, had no television, so the time we spend there was in isolation, by and large. We were forced, thanks to Leyton, to get to know each other like we never had before.

Leyton's conception was at least in part responsible for the timing of our marriage. Leyton's defect, which was successfully corrected with no further issues at all, was very much responsible for our truly falling in love with each other.

Valerie and I have now been married over three years. I can't recall a time, without trying, that we were ever apart. She and I share a trust that I have never known before and she puts up with most of my abrasiveness as well. There have been other trying times along the way, but nothing like what we went through over the last 16 weeks of her pregnancy with Leyton. During that time, there was more than one day that I wondered if we would make it at all, let alone still be together three years later.

17 months ago, Valerie and I welcomed Amity to the mix and the family seems complete. Of course, you never know what might happen if you're not actively NOT trying to get pregnant again.

Nothing that happened with Jenn was what I had wanted, but it all added up to me meeting Valerie. Nothing that happened with Leyton's diagnosis was what anyone would want, but it lead to the strengthening of my marriage. It's funny how life throws you things that seem so terrible at first. I don't know how much I might have believed this before all the above took place, but I can say for certain right now that everything truly must happen for a reason. And I am so glad that everything that happened, happened exactly the way it did. I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

On our three-year anniversary, Valerie posted the following on her facebook status: "I'd like to tell you that three years ago today I married my best friend, but in reality, three years ago today I married a stranger who became my best friend." I don't think I'd be very happy at all if one of my kids winds up doing something as stupid as Valerie and I did, but who's to say it wouldn't work? It has been one strange trip, but the journey to here has been incredible. I might just be the luckiest man alive.

Taking On the Establishment

2011-07-27T11:17:00.002-04:00

Last fall, while playing in my weekly softball league, I did something really, outrageously stupid; I slid into third base. The result of my slide on a poorly-maintained field (the infield hadn't been dragged probably ever and was rock-hard), while wearing shorts, was a nasty gash on the side of my left shin. This thing measured about six inches from top to bottom and another three inches wide. For some reason, it took weeks to heal and eventually became infected. The pain in my leg was so great that I slept on the couch for over a month so I wouldn't disturb my wife each time I winced and gasped in pain.

Fast forward to November and I went to the ER with some abdominal pain. During the course of my evening in the hospital, they ran some blood work and the doctor came to me with a question. "Has anyone ever talked to you about diabetes?" He informed me that my glucose level was 220 that night. Later that week, I had more blood work done and went to see my doctor. The diagnosis was confirmed. At age 33, I was officially a Type-2 Diabetic. At least that explained why my leg was so slow to heal.

Upon getting the news, my wife and I dove into this thing head-first. We changed our diets, I was taking metformin and lisinopril (for high blood pressure), and the results were good. Both Valerie and I lost a good amount of weight (her more than I, but she's better at dieting than me). Eventually, however, the dieting stopped and the weight has slowly started to come back. I was once as heavy as 309 pounds, but got as low as 268 in January of this year. Now, I'm back to 280.

Last week, I had more blood work done, just to see how my sugar is doing. The results were encouraging, my A1C had dropped from 8.4 to 6.6 giving me an average glucose reading of 138; down from 196. This time, however, the doctor tells me my cholesterol is high. It never ends. So back to the doctor I go.

She wants me to start taking simvastatin (or Zocor) at 10mg per day. Seems reasonable enough I suppose. She explains that in "normal" people, my LDL of 129 would be in the accepted range and would require no medication, but in diabetics, they want that number below 70. She also tells me that my "good cholesterol" is 38 and we need to bring that up to at least 50. The statin, she says, should give me all the boost I need. Sounds good to me, I suppose, so I leave the office (BTW- my blood pressure was 117 over 70 - I rock) and drop the scrip off at the pharmacy and head back to work.

I spoke with my wife and told her what was going on. She immediately voices concern over taking a statin. She calls her grandmother, a nurse, and alerts me to a cocktail of supplements June was taking to lower her cholesterol. Now, June is in her eighties and is not diabetic, so I figure that her situation and mine aren't the same. Regardless, with the amount of worry Valerie had in her voice, I figured maybe I should do a little research here.

I spent the next couple of hours ignoring the latest Tigers trade rumor and instead surfing the web for information on diabetes and the use of niacin versus statins. No matter the source of the article, I found nothing good about statins at all. I decided that maybe my best bet would be to talk to the pharmacist.

When I approached the counter, the pharmacist was busy. I waited briefly, but eventually just figured I'd give some stuff a try. I had found no indication that niacin would cause any adverse effects in my body, so I'd just self-medicate. The pharmacist then did something I didn't expect; he came and found me to say he had seen me waiting and to ask if I had questions. I quickly explained my condition and my concerns over taking the statin. He relayed to me the adverse effects of statins and also told me my concerns were real. We talked about niacin, a supplement he was apparently well-versed in and he explained how I should start small and gradually increase my dosage. We agreed to avoid the "non-flushing" niacin because the hot flash that comes with it enables the user to determine when the ideal amount has been reached.

I left the pharmacy yesterday with a bottle of 250 mg niacin and a bottle of garlic. I did not pick up my prescription for simvastatin.

The more I've read on the subject of medications for my diabetes and my cholesterol, the less enthused I am about traditional medicines. From what I'm gathering so far, vitamins and supplements (or, ideally, healthy foods) hold all the same value as the drugs to, but without the risks. A small overdose of a prescription drug can kill you, but a significant overdose of vitamins causes only diarrhea and vomiting. To me, the idea that I might have a hot flash or two seemed a much happier outcome than the liver and muscle damage connected to statins.

So now I'm in an unusual position. I have always trusted my doctors to know what they are doing. After all, they have years of medical training and all I've done is read a handful of internet articles. I feel a bit dumb even exploring the idea of trying "alternative" medications for my condition. The drugs I've been on have worked so far. But my doctor now also wants to check my liver and kidney functions, and send me to an opthomologist for a dilated eye exam.

I haven't yet spoken to my doctor about not taking the statin and I don't think I will. I have blood work scheduled for October to check on my progress and until then I'll be doing things on my own to try to get my issues in check. The more I read about diabetes, the better I am understanding how to control my sugar levels through diet and supplements.

Today, I found a handful of articles that gave me some ideas on what to try. I also discovered an online community of diabetics that seems very friendly and helpful. This is a condition which scared the crap out of me at first, but now is doing the same again the more I read. Sometimes the effects can take years, even decades, but the damage to the internal organs, as well as the extremities and the eyes, is real and if left unchecked it can be deadly.

This is a scary place for me to be. I'm making a potentially deadly decision to go away from my doctor's advice and to try to sort things out on my own. What I really need to find, I think, is someone knowledgeable in the use of vitamins and supplements as alternatives to prescription drugs. Of course, I doubt my insurance will cover that visit. If I'm right, however, I can stop taking my meds (eventually) and start to live a healthy, long, life. I'm still only 33, there is a lot to do before I die.

From Young Boy to Young Man

2011-07-25T15:56:00.000-04:00

Sebastian turned five years old last week. It is alarming to me how much maturing he has done over the past few months. I can't put an exact date on it or even recall a specific situation where I first noticed it, but he's definitely growing up lately.

When Valerie and I got married, Sebastian was not yet two years old. He still wore diapers and still insisted on a bottle at bedtime. He didn't use a bottle during the day, but he wouldn't think of retiring for the evening without a bottle of warm milk in tow. He was good kid I think, but in all reality it's difficult for me to know for sure. Prior to my moving into Valerie's house and gaining an instant family featuring two very young children, I had no experience, no prolonged exposure to children that small.

I can recall quite clearly how apprehensive I was around them, and maybe part of me still is a bit. It didn't help matters that I was so green to the experience nor that Sebastian seemed to regard me as a rival for his mother's attention. I know it seems silly that I would think he could do that at such a young age, but he and I have butted heads a lot over the past three-and-a-half years. I don't blame him by any means, I certainly should have been much more patient, but I frankly didn't know how to be; I hadn't yet been softened enough to the reality of having a family.

I had heard about "terrible twos" and the demonic-like behavior of children of that age. Sebastian made all those nightmares come true, it seemed. Looking back, I can't remember any specific incidents, only a general sense that if there was a way to ruin a trip to the store or to cause me to lose my temper, Sebastian would find it. More than that, it seemed he took pleasure in finding it. More than once he would do something i had specifically forbade him from doing, all the while watching me with a smile on his face, waiting for the inevitable reaction. Why he did this, I have no idea. I understand wanting attention, but he was clearly seeking the wrong kind.

Sadly for me, the terrible-ness didn't end when he turned three, or even four. Since I have known him, Sebastian has sought the spotlight, but always doing so by displaying poor behavior. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't an evil child by any stretch; he has always been very kind-hearted to his family and displays an inordinate amount of clinginess to anyone of the female gender. He claims to have a "billion" girlfriends, most of which are in their early to mid-20s.

Throughout our time together, I have tried my best to explain where I feel he's going wrong and until recently I may as well have been speaking Chinese. It didn't seem like it mattered how many times I explained it, or how loud I would eventually yell, he didn't seem to get it; or he chose not to. Either way.

Lately though, I've seen a change in him. He and I are much more able to interact in peace. He seems to trust me more and be less afraid of me. I am not in any way blaming him for his "fear" before this. My temper is legendary and Sebastian always knew what buttons to push. I know this makes me sound like a bully, but this didn't seem like an ordinary child. The little boy just knew how to get people angry and he reveled in getting a reaction.

Something happened that has changed his demeanor. I don't know what it is, but if I could bottle it I would make a fortune. Sebastian still clings to his mother and any other female, but he also now is allowing others to see him interact with the world without demanding the attention he did before. It's almost as if he feels more comfortable with himself, or with his life. I don't know if that's true, but it's what I hope is true. He seems at peace with the world around him lately, or as much at peace as a five-year-old can be, I guess.

I've tried to instill confidence in him whenever I can. Sebastian used to wear his jeans unbuttoned because he "couldn't" figure out how to fasten them. If it wasn't a snap, he couldn't do it. Of course, he could do it, but it wasn't easy, so he didn't try and just walked around open to the world instead of attempting to fasten the button. This isn't the only example of how he used to wait for others to help him, but it's the one I point to when I show him how to do things he says are too hard. Once I sat down and showed him how to button his pants, the excuse didn't fly anymore. When he would say he couldn't do it, I would remind him that he has done it and he can do it again if he tries. He tried and he did it. I made sure to tell him he did great.

We are now at a point where he can accomplish most any task asked of him (within reason of course; he's five). Grandma brought him a new bike for his birthday and this one has no training wheels. It's a little big for him yet, but Aunt Steph (one of his girlfriends) and Uncle Braden have been helping him to learn to ride. We discovered that because of the size of his new bike, he was having trouble getting started, so I took the training wheels off his old, smaller bike and he did pretty well last night. He falls sometimes (he hasn't figured out how to stop except to just fall over) and one of the falls yesterday drew some blood on his ankle. That was all he needed to want to give up.

But just like the buttoning of his pants, I know he can do it if he keeps trying. More than that, if I tell him he can do it in that way, he thinks he can as well. I am very proud of all the growing he has done of late. I'd like to think I had something to do with it, but I don't think I can take much credit. It takes a village to raise a child and Sebastian has a wonderful support system of family around him everyday.

It can't be easy to have your life thrown into chaos the way his and Lillian's were when their parents divorced at such a young age. The transitions they have made, along with my own, haven't always been smooth. It might have taken Sebastian a bit longer to adapt, to accept, than we would have liked, but I couldn't be prouder of him. I hope someday we will have the same father-son relationship that any "traditional" father and son would have. I think we are well on our way.

Friends and Strangers

2011-07-13T14:10:00.001-04:00

"Facebook is for friends that have become strangers, Twitter is for strangers that should be your friends." -Unknown

I am not an overly social guy. That's probably an understatement, actually. The truth is that most of the time, I'd much rather be hibernating in my home than spending time with people outside of my family. Throughout high school and college I had many friends, but only a select few that I ever made an effort to hang out with. Over time even those friendships have evaporated, either due to distance or in one case because the guy slept with my girlfriend. What ever happened to Bro's before Ho's?

Anyhow, the inspiration for today's post here is yet another facebook friend request from yet another douchebag I went to highschool with. I graduated 15 years ago and in the time since I probably have spoken with (either in person or online) approximately three percent of my class. In the past five years, that numbers is probably half as high. I don't mind catching up with old friends though, quite the opposite actually, but the issue I have is with the people on facebook who think we should be "friends" despite the fact that we haven't seen nor spoken to each other is a decade and a half AND when we weren't ever friends in the first place, even when we shared a school.

If I didn't give a shit about you in high school (and I assume you didn't give a shit about me either), why in the world would I care to share my profile with you today?

Maybe it's the sheer prestige of having 350+ "friends" that makes them feel better about their own lives, I don't know. Maybe they've found God and want to give me their testimony. Maybe they've hit the lottery and want someone to give the money to. I don't know their motivation for contacting me out of the 15-year blue and I don't care to find out. I don't need a high friend count to justify my existence, nor do I want one.

I use facebook because my wife uses facebook (religiously, but not spiritually) and I want to see all the pictures she posts of the kids, and also to keep aware of when she bashes me to her friends as she did this weekend. (That's okay Baby, I ain't mad at you.) I do not use it to keep up with guys and girls that I once had a biology class with in tenth grade. I didn't care what you were doing then and I don't care what you're doing now, so please stop asking for my acceptance.

I am facebook friends with several people I went to high school and college with and I do interact with some of them from time to time. It's not that's I'm against keeping in touch with friends or former friends, but the key element is that we had to have been friends at some point if you expect me to have any interest in you or your life.

So to the randoms that appear in my online world on occasion, looking to boost their friend count, I have only the following to say: I have far too much going on in my own life to waste time giving a shit about yours.

Politics Suck

2011-07-11T11:28:00.000-04:00

My office at the car dealership where I spend my days (can't really call it work so much) sits right next to a customer lounge where the Bob Evans crowd gathers to wait on their repairs to be made and watch Fox New Channel. So, because of my proximity to the television (and their refusal to turn up their hearing aids), I'm subjected to endless circular arguments over whatever topics the talking heads deem appropriate that day.

God how I miss the Casey Anthony trial. At least that was interesting.

I'll be quite honest, I have no idea on what issue the President is supposed to be speaking this morning. I can't say as I actually give a damn, either. It's not that I don't support President Obama, I do actually, especially when compared to the ridiculousness of the Bush era, but what I have figured out about Washington and what takes place there is that neither the Democrats nor the Republicans have any interest in doing what's right for the country. The only agenda that either side seems to have is being right and preventing the other side from doing what they want to do.

This cannot be healthy for the country.

We have a system that at its base is the best in the world, or so they would have you believe. But the problem is that because the two major sides cannot agree on what to order for breakfast, let alone how to attack the deficit or create job, or anything else even mildly important, nothing can get done.

The system is designed to prevent a dictatorship. It's supposed to ensure that one crazy lunatic won't take power and thrust our country into disaster. That's the checks and balances system at its core. But it's not the American people that these congressmen and women are representing anymore; they represent only themselves and their party. Their interest is not in getting the best guidelines and regulations for the nation, but only to yell the loudest, get noticed, and get re-elected.

The Obama administration was set-up to fail, but it's not unique to this presidency. The next president will face the same issues and so will the next and the next. With a system in place that has grown out of control, where the decision makers have chosen to spend their time preventing others from putting to work their plans without offering substantial alternatives, the country is stuck in neutral. And because each side is wasting time and energy trying to prevent the other side from being right, we as a country, are left in the middle, stuck with no action at all from the people we voted for; people that were put into office to take action.

I have very little patience for people who do nothing, who refuse to make decisions and who refuse to risk being wrong. Those people are the ones occupying our most influential posts in Washington these days. Worse than that, really, there are a healthy number of elected officials who make it their work to actually prevent any action from taking place.

The country is in a better place than it was a few years ago, at least from where I sit, but with such little progress coming from our elected leaders, we cannot move quickly enough toward complete recovery. In all honesty, I would be much happier if the powers that be would simply take an action, any action, and be willing to live with the consequences. Do it right or do it wrong, but do something. At least with a singular decision maker, the country would have a direction, right or wrong.

There is nothing worse than idly playing your fiddle while your empire is burning.

Tragedy in Texas

2011-07-08T10:58:00.002-04:00

I wasn't entirely sure on what site to post this piece. It's a story that occurs at a baseball game, so I could have published it at MCB, but the greater significance has absolutely nothing to do with baseball.

Last night in Arlington, Texas, a 39-year-old firefighter was in attendance at the Rangers-A's game. He brought his young son to the park with him. In the second inning, Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton corralled a foul ball and tossed it up over the scoreboard (which is 14-feet high) to the fan who was sitting in the first row of the seats. The fan reached for the ball, caught it, and tumbled over the railing, landing on the concrete behind the scoreboard, some 20-feet below his seats. He was awake and conscious as he was taken away on a stretcher, asking paramedics to "Please check on my son. My son was up there all by himself." The man died a short while later at the hospital.

I heard about the incident this morning on my drive to work. This is the second death from a fall at a ballpark this year and the third time that a Rangers fan has fallen over the railings at their home ballpark since it opened in 1994. While accidents like this do happen from time to time, this one hit me especially hard. What must that little boy be going through today. He is a young boy who went to a ballgame with his dad. They were 150 miles from home, just he and his father. What greater evening can a child have? In a flash, his dream evening turned nightmare as he watched his father, in all likelihood his idol, fall some 20 feet to his ultimate death. But this is a nightmare from which this boy won't wake up. His father is gone forever.

The minutes following the fall must have been torture for the boy. Hamilton said today that he could hear the boy calling for his father just after the man fell from the seats. If that doesn't just rip your heart out... The hours that followed were surely worse as he was (in all likelihood) transported to the hospital to be with his dad, surrounded by strangers only - no one to comfort the child. Remember, these two people were 150 miles from family and friends, so by the time anyone was contacted and would have shown up to pick up the boy, he would have been alone in this horrifying situation for several hours. It just breaks your heart.

As a father, I do things to make sure I'm around for my kids. There will be no riding of motorcycles for me, no sky diving, no swimming in shark-infested waters. But I wouldn't have thought twice about doing the same thing this father did in Texas. Accidents like this can happen to anyone at any time and while it's a sad thing, it's probably not avoidable. I can only hope that if I ever meet my demise in such a way, that my children aren't forever burdened with having to witness it. And that they aren't left alone for hours to deal with what happened all by themselves.

I have been very lucky so far. My parents are both still around and I haven't suffered tragedy anywhere near what others have. I cannot imagine how devastating it must be to bury a child and I hope I never have to find out. But I also cannot imagine what this little boy in Texas is going through and what he'll continue to have to deal with. His life changed forever last night. It's just not fair.

Ignorance is Bliss

2011-07-06T15:03:00.006-04:00

I was reading a piece by Gregg Doyle on CBS Sports today. Doyle, if you're unfamiliar, is a bit of a shock-jock when it comes to sportswriting, but his pieces are generally entertaining even if his reasoning seems crude. Today he was tackling the subject of Blue Jays slugger Jose Bautista and the ever-present steroid rumors. That's not the point of this piece, though, I have another blog for that.

Doyle wrote something in his piece today that really hit home for me personally. And it speaks to the on-going battle within my own head.

"If we're naive, so be it. If we're stupid, hey, that's OK. Sometimes it's healthier to be stupid and naive than to be cynical and smart. Cynical and smart people, their hearts corroded by all that negativity, tend to die early. Stupid and naive folks? Assuming they stay out of traffic, they do OK."

I exemplify everything that Doyle outlined above. I have spent my entire life being the very definition of cynical, being consumed by negativity. The glass has never been half full for me. This is a realization I came to long ago and for many years not only did I accept it, but I found it a source of pride.

I wouldn't be the one who got fooled when everyone else did. I would be the smartest guy in the room, and voice my opinion no matter whose feelings might get hurt. In short, I actually prided myself on being a jerk.

I recent years (since I got married), I have taken strides to change my outlook. To a small degree I feel it's working, but it isn't easy changing 30+ years of ingrained negativity. Far too often, I still refuse to sugar-coat my feelings to people who aren't within my close circle of family. Notice I didn't mention friends there. That's because I really don't have friends. I mean, my wife is my best friend, but she's also the only real friend I have. At least the only real friend I have that I have actually met in person. I have people I know online thanks to the blog and twitter and there are some of those that I do consider friends, but it's not like we can go play a round of golf together.

My point is really that while I used to have friends, it's either been too much effort to keep in touch over the years, or (more likely) my general unpleasantness made those friends decide that they were better off without me. I'm not upset by it, I haven't made much an effort with them either, I'm simply stating my theory is all.

Getting back to what Doyle talked about with the "stupid and naive" people. He's got a great point. When you go through life giving a damn about every little thing, making sure you control every variable, you never have any fun because you simply don't allow yourself to.

There is a saying in my house that sounds funny but probably was never meant as a joke; "Dad doesn't like fun." I do my best to limit the opportunities of the kids to hurt themselves. If I see a situation that they are putting themselves at risk of falling or getting hurt, I put a stop to it. I don't allow them that "fun" because I'm worried. And it's not just that I worry about their safety, it's also that I worry that if they get hurt, they'll cry and then if they're really hurt I'll have to take them to the doctor or the hospital and that would put a serious halt on my evening plans. See how selfish that is? Like I said, I'm kind of a jerk sometimes.

But I do think I'm getting a bit better. I think. My wife would probably disagree though. (side note: the other day I shocked the hell out of her when I suggested we take the kids to the community pool. She was thinking of wanting to go as well, but assumed I wouldn't want to so she didn't bring it up. Hahaha)

It's not just at home where I over analyze the next move, either. In all sorts of situations at work or wherever, I see a situation and immediately think five moves ahead, always envisioning the worst possible scenario. Believe me, if you do that enough, nothing seems like it would be fun. The risk is always greater than the reward.

But the reality is (and here's the part where I really struggle) that worst-case scenario almost never actually happens. Ninety-nine times out of one hundred, the kids don't fall, they don't get hurt. The magic marker almost always comes off their bodies, or the wall. The spilled juice is easily wiped up from the table or the floor. When I see these situations in my head, however, the outcome is always much worse than it ever actually is.

Like I said, it's not really about the family life and raising the kids for me; this is a battle within my own head no matter the time of day or where I am. I am working to allow myself to be "stupid and naive" more often. Because it's a helluva lot more fun than always being "cynical and smart."

And contrary to the belief in the Parent house, Dad does like fun. At least when he allows himself to.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

2011-07-01T14:01:00.002-04:00

I was talking with my wife last night after the kids went to bed. Those are the moments, so few of them, that we get a chance to be alone and connect as human beings. We were talking about the kids, of course, and I'm not sure how the subject came to it, but also about this blog of mine; this place and its purpose.

As I said before, I'm generally closed off to the world as far as my thoughts and feelings go. But this site will provide not only an outlet for my inner demons, but also a place where my thoughts can live on forever. I have written over 800 articles about my beloved Tigers and for as long as the internet survives, those pieces will be available to whomever Googles my name. What I haven't done enough of is allowing my children to really know their dad and if something were to happen to me, I fear they never would really know me and who I was and what (besides the Tigers) I cared about.

I want this site to be a place where they can find out about me and how I feel about them, just in case.

I saw a little girl with her dad today, getting candy from a machine in front of my desk. The girl was maybe eight years old. As I type this, the pair has made a return trip for a second helping from the machine. I so want to be that dad, the one who gives his daughter everything she wants. Instead I'm the dad who says "we'll eat dinner soon" or "you have candy at home" or some other kill-joy statement.

I don't know why I can't bring myself to let them live like they should, to let them enjoy every moment to the fullest. I can't bring myself to enjoy those moments, either. I can try to look at it and come up with an answer, but in reality it doesn't matter why I can't do those things, it only matters that I don't do them. Reasons and excuses don't make my little girls smile.

Lillian may be the smartest six year old in history. I swear she could start fourth grade tomorrow and she'd find a way to keep up. From the day that I met her, she was always 15 years older than she is. If it wasn't illegal to do so, I'd maybe even leave her at home to watch the three other kids. I think she could handle it, I really do.

She's always there to pick up my slack. Leyton loves to have books read to him, but sometimes after the second or third book, I'm ready to move on before he is. Lillian will pipe up with "I'll read it to him" and she does it to perfection. It's easy to forget that she only just turned six. It's easy to forget that as a six year old, she is only a small child and will be selfish at times and will pout and over dramatize seemingly tiny situations. (aside: that little girl from above is back for round three. There is no way I would allow that, nor do I think her dad should.)

Lillian and Sebastian are my step-children. This is in title only. Their "real" dad is a truck driver who gets very little time off and that which he does have he devotes to hanging out with his friends and looking for answers to his problems in the bottom of the bottle. Maybe those answers are in the next one, Joe, you just keep on looking. I know you will. Those two kids treat him like a God when he does pity them enough to see them. Part of that is that they love him, sure, but part is that he acts more like that fun uncle that shows up to take you to the water park every now and then. And don't blame his work schedule for all of his absence, he only started driving truck about a year and a half ago. Before that he was unemployed and still wouldn't show up to see the kids. He says he's trying, but he also says he won't alter his lifestyle just because he has kids. I've wasted enough space here on him. The point is that those kids deserve better than he gives. They deserve better than I give most of the time, too.

I'm a very lucky man in that I married the best woman in the world and joined a family with kids who accepted me right away. I have never once heard "you're not my dad!" from either of those two. I suspect I will once they reach the know-it-all stage of teenagers. I can't tell you how exactly I will react to that when it does happen, but I can guess that anger with a heavy dose of hurt feelings will come with it.

I pick on Lillian a lot, maybe more than I should given her age. It's all in good fun and I hope she gets that (I think she does), but nevertheless, I should probably watch that a bit. When I married Valerie, Lillian was not quite three years old and had already lived a lifetime. I worry that she's not active enough and that her appetite is too large. I don't want her to grow up being made fun of for her weight. She's not fat now, but she a bit heavier than she maybe could be if we encouraged her to be more active and spend less time in front of a television. I grew up fat (still am), I know what that can do to your self worth.

Lillian is my helper on days when Valerie works and I'm at home with the kids, but she's also a beautiful, smart, funny little girl. She just recently lost her fifth tooth and she hoards her money from those teeth and from birthdays. I swear you can't get her to spend it to buy herself a toy or whatever she wants. I hope that I'll be able to give her the childhood she should have and I hope I do well enough with her that one day she'll ask me to give her away at her wedding. Whether she does or not, I know that day will break my heart.

The Miracle of Birth

2011-06-30T17:48:00.003-04:00

As anyone who knows me will attest, I have a soft spot for animals. Well, the traditional, domesticated ones anyway. Sometimes I swear I'm like that chick in the viral facebook vid who starts crying during her online dating video when she thinks about cats.

Anyhow, we have three cats at home and a dog and if I had world enough and time, I would probably have many more. This past winter, we set up a shelter of sorts for a couple of strays on our front porch, complete with a large plastic bin with a small hole cut out so they could get a bit of shelter. I would feed them and make sure they had water, but they were obviously strays and didn't want any part of human contact.

Knowing my feelings for animals, my wife decided a few weeks ago that we should take in a pregnant homeless cat. She's not a stray, mind you, but homeless. If you meet this cat you'll see she's easily the most friendly feline you've ever seen. This cat was definitely someone's pet at one time.

A friend of my wife apparently found this cat outside her house and she took it to the vet, but for whatever reason decided she couldn't keep it. The cat was supposed to live outside, but that didn't last long. She now takes up residence in my back room, which is basically a porch, but with walls.

When she arrived we were told she'd be having the kittens within the week. Three weeks later she seemed in no hurry to squeeze them out. But today, finally, she began having kittens.

I know my wife plans on giving away both the mother and the kittens, but I've been dropping hints about keeping mama. I doubt we will, but that's okay. I'm sure it won't be long before another lost soul finds their way to my house. And I'll be happy to have them for as long as they'll stay.

My Little Big Boy

2011-06-29T13:46:00.004-04:00

Leyton is all of two years and eight months old. Last night marked the latest in a series of milestones for this young man; he slept in underwear instead of a pull-up. I am happy to report that all was dry this morning. This is awesome. I'm sure there will be accidents to come, but this was a huge first step for him and I wasn't sure if he'd even be open to the idea of sleeping without a pull-up. But he was excited to go to bed in underwear like a big boy and he came through once again. This kid has been a rock star since the day he was born.

I am told that twos are terrible, but that hasn't been the case with him. Leyton has far surpassed every expectation anyone has ever put upon him. When he was born, the doctors said we'd spend six weeks in Columbus as he recovered from surgery thanks to his gastroschisis. Instead, Leyton blew past every milestone, suffered no set backs, and went home in 24 days.

I don't know for sure, because I am his dad afterall, but it seems to me like he's advanced for his age in terms of his speech and his reasoning. How can you tell, as a parent, if your child is beautiful or if you just think they are because you love them? Not a day goes by that I'm not amazed by something he does or says.

Recently, Leyton learned a knock-knock joke. In true two-year-old fashion, he tells it this way: "Knock Knock" (who's there?) "Banana" (banana who?) "Poop! Pee!" He thought it was hilarious. Then he comes to me and says "say knock knock", so I did and he said who's there. After he said banana who, I said "poop" and he said "nooo... Orange, apple, and pineapple. And Grape!" So we went through the whole joke again, with me telling it. When I delivered this new punch-line, he smiled widely and said "Good!" as if to encourage my learning of the new joke.

Leyton is tiny. I think he weighs all of about 25 lbs. Amity is only 15 months old and she is close to the same weight. He's small, but he's always been an independent boy. I suppose this is caused by the amount of time he had to spend without being held and sleeping in his enclosed box in the hospital. He never slept with Valerie and me. He also never caused much problems in sleeping through the night and he's never given us grief about going to bed when we say it's time. In fairness, none of our kids have been a problem in that regard.

I think it's difficult for a child to forge out his own identity when he has three siblings, especially so when he's the third of four. But Leyton hasn't ever seemed concerned about that sort of thing. He'll play on his own or in groups and while he is a bit territorial about toys or where he thinks he should sit, he's truly been a blessing to raise. He is a happy boy and he melts my heart every single day. He might not have been in the plans, but I couldn't imagine myself without him.

I'm so very proud of the way he's developed and I know I owe a ton of credit to Valerie and also to Sebastian and Lillian for setting the examples for him to follow. He's a remarkable little guy. And more than that, I think I would think he's remarkable even if I wasn't his dad.

Being "Daddy"

2011-06-21T11:50:00.003-04:00

I am not a great father.

There are far too many times where I show far too little patience with my kids. The kids are wonderful; each different, but each loving and caring and smart and happy and fun. And I don't allow them enough access to the dad they deserve. I am working on it. But I do feel shame that it's something I have to try to do. Shouldn't it just be natural?

I am not a terrible father.

I love my children. I attend to their needs. I put their wants and needs before my own. I have eliminated friends, hobbies, and parts of my lifestyle because my children are a much higher priority. This seems like something that shouldn't have to be mentioned, but sadly I know a "father" or two that haven't done these things and continue to keep their children lower on the priority list than I do with mine.

I am there when I say I will be there. If I tell them I'll do something, I do it. I am consistent with my message to them and I do my best to explain why I don't want them to do certain things, or why they have gotten in trouble. I think it's important that children learn from their mistakes and they cannot do that if they don't know why what they did was unacceptable.

At the same time, I'm probably too controlling. I often don't allow them to have enough fun because they're too loud or I'm annoyed by one (or more) of them. I am not a great father in that way. I haven't been nearly as accessible as they need me to be.

My kids are tremendous. I am so very proud of the way they have each developed into little people. They are all very smart (what parent doesn't say that?), they all have wonderful and frequent smiles on their faces. Yes, they do things that unnerve me, but that's more my problem than theirs. They are just kids, just trying to be accepted and loved, just trying to live.

I know this, but it's easy to allow it to slip my mind. I do love the kids and I do accept them fully. But I also ask and expect too much from them for their ages I think. The oldest is only six, even though she's mature well beyond her years. Sebastian is a wild one at times. He always needs to be showing off for whomever is near. I wish he would understand that he's seeking the wrong kind of attention, but I can't seem to get through to him.

Last night, he decided to venture into the basement and play with some paint that had spilled down there. He knows full well he's not to go down there, but he did anyway. A short while later, he wanted to go play in the sandbox, but I told him he couldn't since he went and played in the paint. This is really the first time I have taken a privilege away from him and he didn't throw a fit about it. I told him why he couldn't go play in the sandbox and he seemed to finally get it; that his actions have consequences and that if he wants to do these things, he must refrain from doing things he knows he isn't allowed to do. There was no fight about it, he simply accepted what I had said and we all moved on. It was refreshing, really.

Sunday was Fathers Day and my wife took the kids shopping to each buy me a gift. Then she had each child create a card for me. The kids took turns bringing me the cards and then bringing me the gifts. They were so proud that they had gotten those things for me. It was truly a wonderful morning.

I have been giving a lot of thought to myself lately and how I can improve as a husband and father. I think my wife would agree that there have been positive changes in my outlook and my general demeanor of late. I have noticed it, so I hope she and the kids have as well. It's a funny thing; when you allow yourself to have a little more fun and not worry so much about controlling every little detail, the world is a better place. I know I'm lightyears ahead of where I was a decade ago as a person and I hope this evolution of me continues. I see they way other dads interact with their kids (both good and bad) and I think I'm learning and implementing things as I continue to grow.

I think back to five years ago. I was certain I didn't want to have kids. Boy was I wrong. The kids are the best part of my life and my life is better now than it ever was. No, Valerie, that doesn't mean I want more; four is plenty, but it means that I understand how much their lives can be improved if I allow myself to enjoy them more than I have.

I read a story today about Chad Cordero announcing his retirement from baseball. The powerful thing wasn't that he couldn't ever recover from an abused right arm and make it back to the big leagues, it was that he had lost a daughter to SIDS. The story, found here, was so emotional for me that I couldn't finish it. I cannot imagine how painful it must be to lose a child and I regret not having been more open with my own children to this point.

You never know when your last day on earth might be, or when it might be the last day for someone you love. It makes no sense to fret over small stuff and hold back your affection with anyone, let alone with children. The only thing they want is to be kids. When I am able to show them the constant love I feel for them and allow myself to enjoy their every moment, only then will I be a great father.

I'm getting there; I can feel it, I notice it. But I am not there yet.

I'm Happiest When

2011-06-14T14:02:00.003-04:00

I was on twitter this morning, as I am every morning, and I noticed that the hashtag #imhappiestwhen was trending. It struck me as odd, as hashtags that trend are usually rather dumb. This one could be as well for most of you, but given my recent "slump", it got me to thinking.

I suppose I should give some back story here. Lately, I've been in an awful rut. I don't know if I'm depressed in the clinical way, but I'm definitely down. I used to kinda of enjoy my jobs (both the real job and the writing), but now I don't enjoy any part of it. Nothing has changed with either job, but my reactions to them are 180 degrees from where they used to be. As a result, I've shown less patience at home with the kids (something I struggle with anyway) and it's lead to some friction with my wife as well.

I'm not in any way disagreeing with her assessment (she even noted how little attention I give the dog lately - I hadn't noticed that); I have been in a foul mood and I can't come up with a good reason why. I suppose if I'm honest with myself, I can point to the waiting game I've been playing with Proctor & Gamble. You see, I was interviewed there and have made it into the hiring pool. Getting a position with them would literally be a life-changing event. I would start at roughly $15,000 more per year than I currently earn. The problem is that there are no promises that my name will ever get pulled from the pool, much less any guesses on when it would happen if it did. So for the better part of six weeks now, I've just been waiting for the email or phone call that tells me I'm in. Until it comes, I haven't really been interested in living my life.

The worst part is that all during the (literally) four months of the process to this point, I had been able to maintain the mindset that I have a job, I'm comfortable, I don't need this position. It was done as a defense mechanism more than anything else, I suppose, to protect me from getting too high on the idea, only to crash down if/when it didn't happen. But with the spot now within sight, I haven't been able to control my emotions. I want this job and until I get it, I'm having difficulty remembering that my life must go on and that people are depending on me to be myself (even as much as my usual self is a bit of a drag).

Do I know that the waiting game is what's brought me into a depression? No, of course I don't. I hope that's the root cause, but I can really only speculate. I don't feel good physically. I have very little energy and even less motivation. The human mind is a complicated place and as much as I am able to analyze what's wrong with a certain baseball team, I cannot find success in analyzing my own life and righting what is wrong. It's just tough to do when you're not quite sure what the problem is.

Look, I don't really do a ton of introspective thinking. Perhaps that's one of my many flaws (and perhaps that's why I can't ever really improve as a person). I talk about being more patient or changing my outlook, but I find it so much easier to not do those things. It's easier not to be great. That's a piss-poor attitude, but it's one that, if I'm honest with myself, I've taken for the vast majority of my life. Until that much is changed, I'm not sure I'll ever be the husband and father that I should be. That does scare the hell out of me and you'd think that thought alone would be enough to kick myself in the ass, but it just hasn't happened. I worry that it never will.

People will look at this and think I just don't care enough to put in the effort. There's no way I agree with that take. I don't know what it is, what's causing the issues I'm having, but I haven't been able to get out of my slump.

I really don't have stresses that any normal person doesn't have, so apart from the waiting game, I can't see any reason why I've been anything other than myself; yet I have been.

So what's the answer? When I try to finish the sentence "I'm happiest when..." I can't come up with a great answer, at least not an honest one. What that tells me is that I really am depressed right now because I know that I have several aspects of my life that I ordinarily do enjoy a great deal. Over the past few weeks or months, those aspects have been far less enjoyable. Nothing has changed externally, apart from the P&G thing, so I can't find any other reason than that to blame for my lack of interest in life.

I guess all I can do is hope that by traveling within my own head I have found a clue as to what is causing me to withdraw. Today, I am making a concerted effort to take greater pleasure in my daily activities. I do think that my mood has improved today, to a degree at least, and I am noticing myself being a bit happier (I guess that's the right word). I know they make pills for people who are going through what I am right now; several members of my family are on them. I don't want to join their ranks. I want to feel better, but I want to do so on my own. Hopefully, this writing I have done here will be a step in the right direction. Maybe by getting it out of my head in on to a screen, I'll be able to break out of my funk and get back to being me.

Because as much as I do have flaws, I know I'm not unhappy with my life. It just looks like I am and it feels like I am. I'll do my best to change the way it looks and hopefully I'll be changing the way I feel at the same time. I'm sorry I can't explain it better, baby, but I do love you and the kids more than I've been able to show. I know there's a problem. I hope I can find the answer. Stick with me.

On LeBron and the Finals

2011-06-14T11:09:00.004-04:00

Look, I'm not really a basketball guy, and especially not an NBA guy, but the playoffs generally find me at least catching some of many of the games. I also live in Ohio, so I'm in the midst of all the anti-LeBron venom that spews from these parts. I will say, however, that almost none of the people I associate with seem to be all that upset with him. In my estimation, those people you see on ESPN, being interviewed by Mark Schwartz while scarfing down their food at the Winking Lizard, are not representative of the general feelings of Ohioans. But I suppose if I were being interviewd for a SportsCenter piece, I might play up my feelings just a bit as well. There's your 15 minutes, people, enjoy it.

Now, I'm not saying that I am a LeBron fan in any way. I never have been, nor ever will I be. For starters, I despise all sports teams in Ohio, so disliking him (and the Cavs) was natural for me. Yes, the guy is gifted, but so are Kobe Bryant, Tim Duncan, Deron Williams, Blake Griffin, etc. I don't like those guys, either. I am a fan, and as such I am irrational in my likes and dislikes of certain players for no given reason. It could be because they play for a team that once tormented my favorite squad, or that they went to a college I don't root for, or whatever. LeBron falls on the side of dislike. The Decision didn't change that for me. For the record, I do like Dewayne Wade and Chris Bosh, just not LeBron (or Mike Miller, or Udonis Haslem).

So while I was pulling for the Mavericks, one might assume it was because I don't like LeBron, but that's just not the case. I was pulling for Dallas because I love Mark Cuban as an owner, I think Rick Carlisle got a raw deal with the Pistons and is a better coach than he gets credit for, and I like seeing players finally get that ring.

Look at Jason Kidd in particular. Kidd is 38 years old and is a shell of his former self athletically. He plays very little defense, but he's become a very good 3-point shooter (people forget that teams used to dare him to shoot, leaving him wide-open all the time) and is still one of the best at running a team on the floor. Kidd has been to the Finals twice before and come up empty, but he is a future Hall-of-Famer, and a lot of guys would have retired by now rather than play on at less than the player he once was. That he finally gets a ring (and played a major role in doing so) resonates with me.

In addition to Kidd (who, for the record, I never liked, but always respected), guys like Dirk Nowitzki, Tyson Chandler, and Jason Terry have long been favorites of mine. Seeing this collection of grizzled veterans and former play-off failures come together and win a ring was a good story. That it came against the Heat, with their pre-season championship celebration, does give it a little extra something as well, I won't lie. When you start talking about winning "not five, not six, not seven" championships before you've even suited up for your first practice, I take a little extra satisfaction when you fail. Being confident is one thing, being over-the-top cocky is another. Win first, then talk.

I'm a realist I think. I fully expect that LeBron and the Heat will win their title, probably multiple titles, and soon. But knowing that for the next 12 months, LeBron will have to hear about it, will have to live with the weight of the world on his shoulders, well, as much as it makes me a bad person, I kinda enjoy that.

You know what really brought up all the venom for me? "I'm taking my talents to South Beach." He couldn't have said "I'm joining the Miami Heat"? Nope. He decided to show his arrogance to the world and when you do that, you'd better be able to back it up. In the biggest moments of games he called the biggest of his life, James didn't want any part of the spotlight. You cannot have it both ways. You can't demand the spotlight off the court and pronounce yourself a King and then shrink away when it's time for you to reign. That's what he did and until he is able to rise to the moment instead of running from it, the Heat will be in trouble.

Remembering Charlie Tuna

2011-06-06T09:11:00.005-04:00

I got word the other day that a fellow I knew when I was in college had passed away. His name was Charles Sittnick, but everyone knew him as Charlie Tuna.

I first met Charlie when I was a bit of an immature kid. I was two years out of high school and struggling to do enough to stay enrolled in college at Bowling Green State University. Motivation is something I have had battles with throughout my life and the summer of 1998 was probably my most lazy. I had lost my job working for the school when I failed to show up a few times (can't really blame them, can ya?) and spent the rest of the summer bumming around and living off hand-outs from my Dad. Not that he was giving me much, but then he didn't know I was unemployed either. I had paid my rent for the summer in advance, so I really didn't have many bills. When August rolled around and I had to get a job (a new lease was starting and I had to pay rent again), I walked into a restaurant called Frickers and filled out an application. I was hired on the spot and began work within a few days.

The restaurant, if you're not familiar, is a wing joint, not unlike a Hooters, but without the skimpy outfits for the serving staff. If you've worked in a kitchen, especially in August, you know how hot and dirty and smelly the work is, but it was also a lot of fun and I made friends there that have proven to be the best friends of my life. Shortly after starting at Frickers, I was given a role where I would work lunch shifts in the kitchen. I worked side-by-side with Charlie Tuna.

Charlie was a free spirit if I've ever met one. He never had a harsh word for anyone, no matter the situation, and never got rattled by the fast-paced, high-pressure environment of the kitchen. I won't say that I always enjoyed working with him, but I will say that he made me a better cook and taught me to do what it takes to get the job done. He did this without any hands-on instruction though; he did it because Charlie would disappear for 10-15 minute stretches in the middle of the lunch rush. Considering that it was usually only him and I on the line, this meant I had the whole lunch shift basically by myself. There were many times that his flightiness upset me, but as I look back on those days now, I really can't fault him. Charlie wasn't hiding in the back or sneaking a smoke break, he was out in the dining room, chatting with friends of his. And if you ever met Charlie, you were his friend as far as he was concerned.

After Charlie left Frickers, he caught on as a doorman and floor-walker at Howard's Club H, a popular live music bar downtown. For the next decade, whenever I would walk into Howard's, Charlie would greet me with a smile, a hug, and usually a free cover charge. I saw his band play a few times and Charlie was a talented musician who showed the same personality on stage that he did off of it. He just loved people and being around them. It didn't matter that he was at least twice as old as the people he was around, Charlie was at home in the crowd, and always happy to be there.

I was born and raised in Lima, Ohio before moving up to BG for college, but I still consider Bowling Green to be my hometown, because that's where I really "grew up." Your parents, if you're lucky, will give you the basic tools to tackle life, but until you step out on your own and make your own mistakes and learn how to pull yourself up from those mistakes, you don't learn how to live. I have never been one who fully embraces my fellow man. I'm generally bitter, pessimistic, and sarcastic. Charlie was none of those things. He was a man who, in a decade, I never saw in a bad mood. I can't go 10 minutes without losing my patience, let alone 10 years.

We would all do better to look at life through Charlie's eyes a bit more often. I know I would.

Rest in Peace Charlie Tuna, you touched many more lives than you'll ever know. And you will be missed.

What Most Don't Understand About Being a Blogger

2011-06-02T16:50:00.004-04:00

In my capacity as MLB Director of Development for the Fansided Network, I deal with writers in all fashions. I'm basically in charge of scouting and recruiting new staff and I also have final say over which writers are hired and which ones are not. My "job" requires me to read writing samples to determine who makes the grade.

Now, I don't pretend to be an expert in all things writing or all things baseball, but I do feel that with my background being what it is, I have a good handle on what to look for in a successful blogger. You have no idea how many applicants get rejected out-of-hand simply because they didn't take the time to spell check their initial email to us. One thing you cannot do as a blogger is have silly, avoidable, errors. The way I see it, there are a handful of "deadly sins" of blogging and things like mis-using certain words (sit/set, they're/their/there, too/to) are a quick way to wind up writing at Bleacher Report.

More than that though, what bothers me is the "writers" who assume because they know about their favorite team, properly using the English language shouldn't matter. People, they are called "sportsWRITERS" and as such, you should expect that one of the two requirements will be writing clearly and effectively. I even had one guy plagiarize his writing sample that he sent me. I only caught it because I had happened to read the article he ripped off about three hours earlier on MLB.com. Needless to say he didn't get the job.

But you know what my biggest pet peeve is with many writers? It's the unreasonable expectations they have that their work not only deserves monetary compensation, but that the money should be good enough that they can live off of it. Seriously.

I work for one of the most aggressive sports networks in the world in terms of how we compensate our staff. Instead of a flat rate, our lead staff earn a split (50/50) of all the advertising revenue from their site. I can tell you with certainty that my haul each month is on par or better than what the guys at SBNation are making each month, and their traffic is something like 10 times what mine is. But SBNation pays a flat rate and Fansided doesn't. The result is that I make more money per visitor. That said, the money I make is usually enough to take my family out to dinner once or twice a month. No one is getting rich here.

There are literally millions of blogs in the world but only a small handful of the people who write them earn any money at all for doing so. Now, you can look at it like the Network is getting rich by using someone else's work, but you have to remember what the Network is providing to its staff. Web hosting, domain fees, site design, graphic design, technical support, not to mention accounting and legal fees associated with running the business; all of this is provided at no charge to our staff and all of it is paid for via the network's share on the revenue. Sure, you can go start a free blog on Blogger or Wordpress, but you don't get access to the resources of the Fansided (or SBN or whatever) network that can and do bring visitors to your door. You go try to get your .blogspot site accepted to Google News. Good luck with that one. But with a network, you get free exposure that sometimes can lead to bigger opportunities down the road. Though Fansided has been around for only about four years now, we have had more than a couple of our writers be offered full-time, paid, writing jobs. I just don't see many guys getting that call without being exposed to hundreds of thousands of readers.

The hard facts of blogging are this: it's more work than you think it is, it's done for little to no money at all, and it probably will never lead you anywhere in terms of a career. What I have found is that so long as you are doing it for the right reasons, blogging can be very rewarding.

When I took the gig at MCB, I had been with another network and I had been an independent blogger. I was writing for free, but I was writing because I had something to say. When Fansided approached me, they mentioned their revenue sharing deal and we discussed the rather small amount of money I could expect to make (my first revenue sharing payment covered three months and totaled $27). But I knew that the network afforded me things in terms of the back-end stuff that I was having trouble handling on my own (and I had been paying for), and that ultimately, I could reach a much larger audience with them than I ever could without.

As I told my wife at the time, "I was writing for free anyway, if this deal buys me a pizza every now and then, that's a bonus." That's an attitude I have tried to maintain throughout my tenure with Fansided.

Being a writer is not unlike being a musician or an artist. The likelihood that you'll ever earn a living with any of them is very small, but it's done because there is a draw to the creative outlet the mind needs. The written word is still a powerful thing and one that must be handled with responsibility and respect. Being a baseball writer is about more than baseball. It isn't about knowing what the infield fly rule is or about being able to decipher when exactly a player will achieve Super-Two status. Sure, those things help, but what really matters is being able to express your original thoughts in an original way and engaging the reader. If you can master that, the writing becomes it's own reward.

On Jim Tressel and Hating the Buckeyes

2011-05-31T15:36:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, the debacle that has become THE Ohio State Football program came to a head with head coach Jim Tressel handing in his resignation. It doesn't really matter if that resignation was forced or voluntary, the important thing for the school is that he's now gone. What will remain, however, is the fallout of an investigation that gone gone much more deep than anyone at OSU would have liked.

When the news first broke in March that Tressel did, in fact, know about what was happening at his university and failed to inform the NCAA, the local radio shows around these parts were certain that his two game suspension and $250,000 fine would make it all go away. Nothing more would come out of it, they were sure. I knew better. These things tend to come to life once the first revelations are made public. Shortly thereafter, word came trickling out about shady car deals for athletes, one of them being a Chrysler 300 that sold for $0 according to the title transfer. A few days later, it was reported that that deal was actually for $13,000. This was a car that was two years old and had less than 20,000 miles on it. I work at a Chrysler dealership and I can tell you as fact that at the time of that sale, the car in question retailed for over $26,000. Whether the price was zero or $13,000, the athlete clearly received a deal that you and I could not get and that is a major NCAA violation.

Through all the tiny bits of news that trickled out about the car deals and the tattoos and who knew what and when, Ohio State stood by their embattled leader. All that changed when Sports Illustrated reported that the tattoo dealing were much more widespread and went back much further (as far back as 2002) than Gene Smith and Gordon Gee would acknowledge. If you haven't read the SI report, you should. It's an eye-opener for most, especially the fans that turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to the rumbling about Tressel that went back to his days at Youngstown State.

There is no question that Tressel's reign at OSU would have gone down as one of the greatest coaching performances of all-time, at any school. But when you find out that he knowingly and willingly used ineligible player for an entire season, despite knowing full well the issues four months before the first game, the curtain is opened to reveal the scoundrel that Tressel truly is. Former players will come to his defense, just as Beanie Wells already has, but the verdict is already in and now OSU must pay the price for the callousness and carelessness with which Tressel ran his ship.

The NCAA committee on infractions won't have a ruling on Ohio State before the end of this coming season, in all likelihood, so they probably won't feel the pinch this year. Interim head coach Luke Fickel will get 12 games to make his case to retain the job. Ohio State fans are already dreaming of names like Urban Meyer and Bob Stoops as the next coach at OSU. You're kidding yourselves, folks. There isn't a respected head coach in the country that would willingly walk into a situation like the one facing that university. Sanctions will be coming and they will very likely include a loss of scholarships, a ban on post-season play, possibly even a ban on televised games. These sanctions will not only adversely affect the on-field product of the football team, but they will also be used by other schools when recruiting Ohio's best talent. Think about it: if you are a five-star recruit and you have coaches coming into your home to give their sales pitches, are you going to a school that won't have the chance to play in a bowl game, or one that will? Rival coaches will not only be pushing their schools on that kid, they'll be telling tales about the doom that faces Ohio State and about how that kid will be forgotten by scouts when they don't see him on TV.

I have lived my entire life in the belly of the beast, so to speak. I was born and raised in Lima, Ohio, surrounded by thick-headed buckeye fans. I have taken a fair amount of punishment for my allegiances to Penn State and the Detroit Tigers. But I never missed a chance to walk into a bar wearing my Nittany Lions jersey on game day. Sometimes the Lions would beat the Buckeyes, sometimes they would lose. I was always in the vast minority, but that was okay. It was always a good day when Ohio State would lose, no matter the opponent. Those days when Penn State would beat the Buckeyes were great days to sit in those bars, surrounded by the enemy.

Today is another one of those great days for me.

Where I've Been, Where I Am

2011-05-23T11:28:00.009-04:00

I haven't posted here in almost two years now and I'm not entirely sure why I haven't just deleted the site altogether. I guess I've been waiting for this; my return to this humble forum, knowing in the back of my mind that someday I would need refuge from the grind that has become my online writing life. I don't know how much I will post here, this could very well be the last time I write in this space. Or it could be that I will use this area to covey my thoughts on all things in my life apart from baseball. I'd like that I think.

Lately, really over the past two months I guess, it has become a chore to continue to cover the Detroit Tigers for MCB. For those who may someday stumble upon this post have no idea what I'm talking about, I am the senior editor for MotorCityBengals.com, a position I have held for better than 15 months as of this writing. Prior to that I launched two independent Tigers blogs, including this one, which lead me to becoming a fairly successful writer in the online world. Not many "bloggers" earn a paycheck for covering the teams they love and I have been lucky enough to land a position that provides me some income. I guess that makes me a professional writer, which is a very cool thing to be able to say. I've even had a couple pieces published in print publications, so there is a legitimacy to it as well if you need that. I don't, but perhaps you do.

Anyhow, now there we are all on the same page, let's get to the purpose of this post. I've been wrestling with the idea of making some changes in my writing career, which is to say that I've been thinking of ending it. That really wasn't the plan originally at all. I talked to the higher-ups at the network last Monday (one week ago today) and asked for a brief leave of absence, which they granted me. I expected I would need a week to re-charge my batteries and to get my bearings before I would be ready to jump back into the daily lifestyle of researching and writing at least one post five days a week. In addition to the writing, I spend countless hours dealing with staff members as a co-director of the baseball side of the network. Don't get me wrong, I want to help them succeed, at least I want to want to help them. Lately, I don't want to. Lately, since we are being honest here, I don't have any motivation to help them, or to write anything.

Worse than that really, I don't have any motivation to read my site or anyone else's. I have used the past week as I had intended. I have been off-line for much of the week and instead have gotten quite a bit of work done at my "real" job. I've still been watching the games, by-and-large, but I have been able to do so without needing to find a storyline to talk about. I've been just a fan again and I certainly have missed that feeling over the past two years.

Two days ago, I made a five hour drive each way to go to Pittsburgh and watch the Tigers at PNC Park. The game was good enough I guess, but I was really there to see the stadium and it did not disappoint. I have a few pictures I took from my cellphone, and I had planned a post when I got back. This would be my re-entry to the blogosphere and would end my hiatus, at least that's what I had intended during my drive home.

This morning, when I signed into MCB for the first time in a week, I had the material ready to go. All I had to do was write the damn post and I would be back.

I stared at that blank page in front of me for a few minutes. Nothing happened. I felt no sense of relief to be back, no sense of anything but dread. I actually dreaded writing that post. It wasn't because I didn't have anything to say and it wasn't because I didn't think it would be good. I know I can write, I just don't think I want to anymore. At least not right now. So I closed the window and instead typed in this URL. I looked at a few of my oldest posts and I remembered the joy I used to have in doing this; in writing. When I started this blog, I wanted a place to talk about the Tigers. Everytime I would get a comment on one of my posts, it was like Christmas morning. I couldn't believe that there were people out there who wanted to read what I wrote and had the courtesy to leave me a note on it. As time has passed and my traffic has increased, I now find that I have lost much of the joy.

Last week I sent an email to a guy I "know" from our interactions in the blogosphere. I always find it amusing when I think of the "friends" I have never actually met, but whom I know online only. Anyway, this guy has been through what I am going through so I asked his advice. He sent me a detailed response that talked about all the various thoughts and concerns he had before he stepped away from his (very successful) site and left in another's hands. But he also told me this, and it's something I'm having trouble getting around, he said "if you are seriously thinking about walking away, it's probably time to do so."

The thing is, I know he's right. I don't want him to be right, but I know he is.

I love being Motor City Bengals. I love that my tiny little site on blogger has lead me to such heights. No, I'm not the biggest name out there by any stretch, but I am one of the names that most Tigers fans would recognize. That's so insanely cool to think about. But it also comes with a price. I have to spend so much time and energy building my brand and that of the site and even more energy building the brand of the network. It has always been a labor of love, one that I didn't have to think about doing. It was just a given that this is where my free time would be spent.

That price just seems a bit too high of late.

The funny thing is about all this that Zach and Adam both told me that if I needed more time, (another week, a month, whatever) I should take it. I thought it was funny they would say that since I had said one week should be plenty. Now here we are a week later and I'm not ready. These guys are the best in the business that I've seen. They've been doing this for a long time and they know the way things work. In this case, I think they knew my feelings better than I did.

The thing is, I think I started writing here because I needed to talk to someone about the Tigers. Nowadays my wife is every bit the fan that I am, so we have that connection (along with everything else in our lives) to talk about. I don't need the site anymore for that reason. Now, I need the site because it keeps my name out there and I like being as semi-important as I am. But that's a really bad reason to do anything, especially if what you're doing is supposed to be fun.

I'm not under any delusion that my writing career will ever become a full-time job. There won't be a point where I can list my occupation as "writer" without also listing a job that, you know, actually pays the bills. That's okay, I never expected to make a dime doing this. I'm not concerned about the money at all, more concerned about the future I guess. At this point it sorta seems like maybe I'm looking for reasons to move on from the blogging game, doesn't it? Maybe I am.

This post is being written as a way to organize my thoughts right now. I'm confused as to which direction I should go. I have plenty of options available to me, which I certainly appreciate, but I'm not sure that's making things easier. I could quit everything and go back to being a fan, I could get back on the horse and resume my "career" right where it was, I could back off the writing a bit and focus on the behind the scenes stuff at Fansided, or I could dive back into my writing and get away from the director stuff.

Obviously, there are always additional factors that play in as well. I have a very full family life with my beautiful bride and our four little ones. The house always needs work, the yard always needs tended-to, the kids always need something. Those things haven't always been my priority when it comes to the blog, but they always should have been. This past week, with no blog to operate, they have been my priority and I have enjoyed it. I have stresses in life the same as anyone else, and shouldn't we all do our best to eliminate the unnecessary ones?

But where am I right now?

Right now, I still want to do what I have done. I still want to be a recognized figure in the Tigersphere. I still want people to visit my site and know that while I have a staff of talented writers working with me, the majority of the content found there is mine. Right now, the biggest problem is that while I still want to do what I have been doing, I don't know how much I want to have to sacrifice in order to maintain and to build upon what's already there. But I also want to do it because I enjoy it. I want to look forward to writing my next piece. I haven't enjoyed it or looked forward to it for some time now and that's really the problem.

Regardless of what happens there, I think I'd like to continue sharing my thoughts here as well, but in a completely non-Tigers kinda way. As much as my wife might disagree, I do think about other stuff too.

Anthony's Song (Moving Out)

2009-07-17T15:51:00.003-04:00

Hello members of the Tigerosphere! I have some exciting news. As of Today, I have launched a new blog. In the future you will find my posts, ramblings, and other general non-sense about the world of Tigers baseball at my new site: Tigers Tracks. Anyone who currently has this site on their bookmarks or blogroll, thank you, and please update to http://tigerstracks.com.

The move to a new platform will allow my site to grow in ways that blogger simply cannot support. I have a lot of exciting plans for the growth and development of Tigers Tracks, but you will also find some of the old stuff, too.

I have already imported all of the content from this site, and I will leave Always A Tiger up to allow for the links that some of you have used to continue to work.

Special kudos to anyone who "gets" the title to this post. Leave a comment, I'll keep checking back. In the meantime, I'm off to continue work getting Tigers Tracks up to speed. Stop over and say "Hi".

Mid-Summer Classic is Just That

2009-07-14T09:12:00.009-04:00

The All-Star game has always been one of my favorite parts of the season. Actually the pre-game festivities really more than anything else. I never, ever miss the pregame introductions. Seeing all the great players together on one field is really what makes this game matter, not the home-field advantage that is attached to the outcome.

Don't misunderstand, when the 2002 game was called a tie, I felt robbed. I had invested something like five hours into watching that game, just to have all the drama of an extra-inning affair with no available reserves jerked out from under me. So anything that prevents another travesty like that one from recurring is surely welcomed. That being said, the game itself has always kind of been secondary.

The 1999 game in Boston still holds the highest place in my heart. Several sites since have tried to create the magic that happened before the that game, but have fallen well short. I don't know the back-story, nor do I need to know it. All I know is that watching all those incredible players huddling around Ted Williams, just trying to get a chance to talk to him or shake his hand was amazing.

That scene allowed us, the fans, to see the other side of our favorite players. It was so cool to see guys like Mark McGwire, Ken Griffey, Jr., and Jeff Bagwell showing so much respect and adoration for a player of Williams' stature.

I have written that the fans should not be allowed to vote, that the players and coaches should be selecting the All-Star teams, perhaps I was wrong. This game is about the fans. It's about the players past and present being fans themselves. It's about feel-good stories like Brandon Inge and Josh Hamilton. It's about recognizing the greatness of Derek Jeter and Roy Halladay. And it's also about shining a light on unfamiliar names like Nelson Cruz and Aaron Hill.

Watching the interview with Hamilton last night, who had been my poster boy for taking the fan vote away, clued me in maybe more than anything else. Hamilton's numbers this year certainly don't make any kind of a case fore his inclusion on this year's team.

He has missed significant time, and not played all that well when he was on the field, but after listening to Hamilton I realized that I wanted to see him play. I recall his performance last year, I know his story. If this guy isn't an All-Star, I don't know who is.

The All-Star game is about seeing all the great players at once, on the same field. Their greatness can be defined in many different ways. You can have players having breakout years whose numbers put them in the game more than their name. You can have players whose name puts them in the game, because even if they are having down years, they are the stars that drive the sport.

You can even have players who are past their prime, who are included simply to recognize the great careers they have amassed. All of that is okay. In fact that is exactly why the game is important, much more so than deciding home-field for the World Series.

For a few nights in the middle of the season, you can put away the standings, you can stop fretting over your under-performing right fielder, you can stop worrying about which name might next be revealed as a steroid user. For a few nights you can enjoy the greatness of the players on those rosters and remember that this is a game, in its purest form, with its greatest players all on one field.

I Don't Know, I Don't Get It

2009-07-11T08:32:00.004-04:00

There was a reason Fernando Rodney began to warm up in the eighth inning of last night's 5-1 win over Cleveland. Joel Zumaya had just left the game with a cut on his thumb, and Bobby Seay couldn't find the strike zone upon his arrival to the mound. Brandon Lyon had already been throwing and appeared ready to go when Rodney began lightly throwing.

Seay managed to get out of the inning with the lead intact at 3-1, so Lyon, again, who was already warm, and Rodney remained in the 'pen. Country Strong Marcus Thames extended the lead to four in the bottom of the inning with a two-run bomb. At this point the strategy is simple; sit Rodney down and bring in Lyon for the ninth.

That's not what Jim Leyland did. Rodney continued to warm while Lyon took a seat.

Enter Rodney for the ninth, with a four run lead, in a non-save situation, and hang on tightly.

Trouble began immediately when Brandon Inge, all-star, bounced a throw to first that Miguel Cabrera failed to scoop. Rodney then walked the next hitter on four pitches. Eventually Cleveland loaded the bases to bring the tying run to the plate, which of course had to be Grady Sizemore, probably the only hitter in Cleveland's lineup who absolutely terrifies you in that situation.

Rodney managed to retire Sizemore and the game ended, no harm, no foul, right? Right? Wrong!!!

Look, we have all seen this movie 1000 times. Every non-save that Rodney pitches in works this way. Why, why, why does Jim Leyland continue to do this to us?

Two things here, Rodney did not need work. He had pitched in three straight games prior to yesterday's off day, so he could have used another day off. Secondly, again, Lyon had already warmed up and was ready to go. The second that ball left Thames' bat, Gene Lamont should have been on the phone to Jeff Jones telling him to sit Rodney down and get Lyon back up.

Now you have a rested Lyon for tomorrow, but Rodney threw a ton of pitches (28 to be exact) and has pitched in four straight games with two more coming before the break. When you factor in the injury to Zumaya, it's possible he could miss the next couple games, so you'd be looking at having to use Lyon to close in one of the next two games.

All of this could have been avoided if Leyland had the foresight to keep his closer in the bullpen when the game was not on the line in the ninth. That is exactly where he should have been to a)prevent a near heart attack from Tiger fans, and b) make sure he could pitch the final two games if needed.

Leyland did what Leyland does and Rodney did what Rodney does. Why do we expect differing results?

Inge Going to St. Louis

2009-07-10T07:42:00.003-04:00

MLB announced yesterday that Brandon Inge of the Tigers and Shane Victorino of the Phillies were the winners of the All-Star game final vote and will be added to the rosters.

Inge will join Curtis Granderson, Justin Verlander, and Edwin Jackson in representing Detroit in this year's game. It will be the first selection for Inge, Granderson, and Jackson. Verlander is making his second appearance.

The final vote began Sunday afternoon and ended Thursday at 4pm. During that span, Inge amassed over 11 million votes, edging out the Rangers' Ian Kinsler. Inge's total set a new record for most votes received by an AL player. Victorino got over 15 million votes to set an overall record as well.

The outpouring of public support for Inge was amazing. I have to wonder if any other Tiger would have received the same type of support. I'd like to say yes, but would everyone have pushed as hard as they did if it were say, Gerald Laird or Placido Polanco that were on the final ballot? Or even Miguel Cabrera?

Inge's place in the hearts of Tiger fans is one that no other player has. No current Tiger has been here longer. He was there in 2003, as a light hitting catcher for the worst team in AL history. He lost his job when Pudge Rodriguez came aboard and learned to play all over the field to stay in the big leagues.

After becoming a mainstay at third base for a couple years, his poor hitting combined with the trade for Cabrera cost him yet another everyday job, and before last year ended, he was back behind the plate.

The offensive prowess he has shown this year has been the biggest surprise of this season for Detroit, and maybe in all of baseball. His flashy defense keeps him on the national highlight reels nearly every night, and has helped vault these Tigers to first place.

It's just kind of funny, with all the effort that seemingly everyone put into getting Inge to the All-Star game, I guess it sorta feels like we're all going. That "we" won this thing. I've never seen anything like this before.

All the bloggers pushing every reader to vote, the Tigers throwing in the contest with the on-field experience and making the deal with the Phillies to market Inge and Victorino together. All the tales of people voting 500-600 times each, effectively crashing MLB.com. It really is overwhelming.

It was a total group effort from the team to the fans to put Inge on that plane to St. Louis. The Little Inge that Could, did. Our Special Little Guy is an All-Star. We did that for him. After all he has given to us over the course of his career, it was the least we could do. I've never been more proud to be a Tigers fan.

Tigers By the Numbers: Alan Trammell

2009-07-09T09:59:00.005-04:00

Tigers by the Numbers is my weekly(ish) feature where I will profile a current or former Tiger that wore each uniform number. This project was inspired by my quest to find jerseys for each of my sons corresponding to their age. This being the third installment, today we present number three.

To recap, in case you have missed the first two, Lou Whitaker opened my list, followed by Charlie Gehringer. Though I did consider throwing you all a curve and using Gary Sutherland (2B 1974-1976) here, I will instead offer perhaps the most predictable entry to this list; Alan Trammell.

No. 3 Alan Trammell played shortstop for 20 seasons for the Detroit Tigers. He teamed with second baseman Lou Whitaker to form the longest running double-play combination in major league history.

Drafted in the second round of the 1976 amateur draft, Trammell made a quick rise through the minors, playing only 196 games prior to his debut. He was named the MVP of the Southern League in 1977.

On September 9, 1977 Detroit fans got their first glimpse of what they would watch for the next 19 seasons. In the second game of a double header against Boston, Trammell played shortstop, along side Whitaker, who also made his debut in that game. Trammell batted ninth and went 2 for 3 while scoring a run.

In 1978, Trammell took over as the everyday shortstop for the Tigers and finished fourth in Rookie of the Year voting, ironically, behind Whitaker, who won the award. Two seasons later, Trammell was selected to his first All-Star game, he hit .300 for the first time and won his first gold glove.

As the young Tigers continued to improve in the early 80s, so did Trammell. Following a disappointing 1982 season, he was named the Comeback Player of the Year in 1983, when he hit .319 with an .856 OPS.

1984 came in with a bang as the Tigers raced out to a 35-5 record to start the year. By the time the dust had settled in October, the Tigers had won the World Series over the San Diego Padres. Although most will recall Kirk Gibson's home runs, it was Trammell that took home the series MVP, as he posted a .450 average with two home runs and six RBI.

The next time Trammell played in the post-season would be his last. In 1987, the Tigers battled the Toronto Blue Jays to the final day of the season before earning the divisional crown. Trammell had his best season that year, finishing second to Toronto's George Bell for the league MVP, he batted .343 with a career high 28 home runs and 105 RBI on the season.

Unfortunately, Trammell's successes did not carry over to the playoffs, as he had just a .488 OPS as the Tigers were bounced by the Minnesota Twins in the ALCS.

Injuries began to take their toll on Trammell in the early 1990s, costing him much of the 1991 and almost all of the 1992 seasons. During that time, a young infielder named Travis Fryman took over at short. When Trammell finally returned to full-time duty, his job was in jeopardy.

Beginning with the 1993 season, Trammell never again played more than 63 games in one season at shortstop. Over his final four years, he saw action at third base, at all three outfield spots, and even played 11 games at second following the retirement of Whitaker.

By the time Trammell hung up the spikes in 1996, only Ty Cobb and Al Kaline had played more seasons in the Old English D. But perhaps no one was more beloved.

Seven years after his playing days ended, Trammell returned to Detroit as the team's manager. The organization was in the midst of an overhaul, and bringing back Trammell, along with adding Kirk Gibson and Lance Parrish to the coaching staff, was in part designed to bring fans to the games.

In his first year, the Tigers were historically bad, finishing with a 43-119 record. The worst season in American League history. Although the team improved dramatically over the next season and a half, a poor finish to the 2005 season lead to speculation that Trammell had lost his team. He was fired one day after the final game of that year.

Trammell has yet to receive much in the way of support for his Hall of Fame candidacy, with his highest totals coming this year, at just 18 percent of the vote. By all rights however, he had a Hall of Fame career.

His 2365 career hits places him seventh on the all-time Tiger hit list, it would the ninth highest total for a shortstop in the Hall of Fame. His 185 home runs would place him fourth among Hall of Famers, and his 1003 RBI would be ninth.

Trammell was a six time all-star. He won three Gold Gloves and four Silver Slugger awards. He hit better than .300 seven times and finished in the MVP voting seven times, three times in the top ten.

Tigers Tickled with French

2009-07-09T07:29:00.003-04:00

And so with the mighty Tigers staring squarely at losing a home series to the lowly Royals and facing perhaps the greatest hurler in the game, Zack Greinke, Detroit brought forth their secret weapon; The Tickler. The Tickler's left-handedness reigned down over the Royals bats, rendering them useless against his merciless arsenal of pitches. And the Tigers staved off the Royals in a 3-1 victory. Or something like that, anyway.

After handing over the first game of the series, Detroit battled to even after an 8-5 win in game two. There was little hope entering last night's affair however, as the Royals were trotting out Cy Young, uh.. I mean Zack Greinke, to battle Detroit. In two games versus Detroit this year Greinke had offered two complete games while allowing a total of just two runs, just one earned.

Tigers manager Jim Leyland put together a solid game plan against the Kansas City Ace, an early hit-and-run paid dividends in the first, which was followed by a Clete Thomas two out RBI single to plate the Tigers second run of the opening frame. One inning later, another lefty role player, Josh Anderson, doubled and later scored on a shallow sacrifice fly by Ramon Santiago.

That was all the offense the Tigers would get, and all that Luke French would need. The left hander making just his second career start didn't allow a run until an Alberto Callaspo home run in the seventh, and the bullpen shut down the Royals thereafter. French did allow three doubles in the game, all to Billy Butler, who apparently is unfazed and unimpressed by the daunting power of the Tickler. The evening concluded with a perfect ninth inning from Fernando Rodney, who earned his 19th save of the season, preserving the first major league win for French.

A couple of things, here. First, Luke French has been quite impressive so far. His stuff isn't overpowering, but he has good command and keeps the ball off the sweet part of the bat quite well. He just looks like he belongs here, on a big league mound. I don't expect he'll carry a sub-three ERA all season, but I could see him as a better than .500 pitcher with an ERA around 4.00, which would be very serviceable, and exactly what the Tigers need.

Secondly, if there is one player I covet more than any other that would realistically be available, it's Alberto Callaspo. He's young, he's a switch hitter, he's fast, plays solid defense, and he can rake. From what I've seen around the league, I think he's in the upper group of second basemen in all of baseball right now, and he's going to get better. If there was a move to be made this offseason, I would hope the Tigers would at least try to get Callaspo from the Royals before handing the second base job to someone else, including Polanco.

Our Special Little Guy Needs Your Help!

2009-07-08T12:00:00.006-04:00

(image provided by Erin (aka SabreRoseTiger) of Tigers Amateur Analysis )

The Tigers are sending three players to next week's All-Star game in St. Louis, but you still have time to send along another one.

While no Tiger was voted into the starting lineup this year, center fielder Curtis Granderson was selected as a reserve outfielder for the American League squad, joining pitchers Justin Verlander and Edwin Jackson.

But there is still time to make sure that the Tigers resurgent third baseman, Brandon Inge catches that flight to St. Louis.

Inge is competing with four other players in an online vote to earn his place among the AL's elite. Voting ends Thursday at 4pm Eastern, so vote as many times as you can to get our Special Little Guy to the All-Star game.

Simply click on the giant VOTE FOR INGE button at the top of this page and you will whisked away to an online voting form. Again, there is no limit to how often you can vote, so stop working right now and help out.

As of last night, Inge was still neck and neck with Texas' Ian Kinsler for the honor, but Inge is the far superior candidate. His 19 home runs and 54 RBI lead the team, and he leads the league in "web gems" as well.

Do you civic duty! Always Vote "D", Always Vote Inge!

The Cult Returns

2009-07-08T07:33:00.002-04:00

In a move announced following Tuesday night's 8-5 win over the Kansas City Royals, the Detroit Tigers announced the recall of Clete Thomas.

The outfielder was recalled earlier this season and played well upon his arrival in Detroit. He was unable to sustain his success however, going just 3-29 in June, and was optioned back to Toledo on June 11, with instructions to shorten his swing.

During his second stint with the Mud Hens Thomas performed well, hitting .349 with 10 doubles.

Expect to see Thomas' name in the lineup Wednesday as the Tigers take on the Royals in the rubber match of the three game series at Comerica Park. "He's done pretty well" Tigers Manager Jim Leyland told the team's official website, "The one thing I like about him is he's an aggressive young player. He's not timid and I like that."

For the season, Thomas has hit .237 (27-114) with 4 home runs and 17 RBI in Detroit.

To make room for Thomas, the team also announced that the contract of outfielder Don Kelly was designated for assignment. The 29 year old Kelly played in 19 games for Detroit this season, just his second stint in the major leagues following a brief look in 2007 with Pittsburgh. Kelly hit .250 with three doubles and three RBI in 48 at bats for the Tigers.

Teams will have 48 hours to claim the versatile Kelly, if he goes unclaimed, the Tigers can outright his contract to Toledo.

Offense, Bullpen Blows it for Armando

2009-07-07T13:27:00.006-04:00

Armando Galarraga announced his presence with authority last night. Unfortunately, so did Joel Zumaya.

With Detroit clinging to a 2-1 lead entering the eighth inning, Joel Zumaya was summoned to protect the game. After getting ahead of Miguel Olivo with two breaking balls, catcher Gerald Laird called back-to-back fastballs, the second of which was lined into the outfield for a single. Two batters later, following a walk to David DeJesus, Willie Bloomquist hammered a ball to deep right center, plating both base runners and giving the Royals the lead.

Zumaya's refusal to feature his very good breaking ball continues to baffle me. I know he throws 100mph, but his curveball is tremendous. I understand that he may be a bit gun shy after the homerun he gave up to Micah Hoffpauir on a change-up, but this is just silly. He needs to learn how and when to use his off-speed pitches if he's going to ever become a reliable reliever.

After the Tigers tied the game in the bottom of the eighth, Fernando Rodney came on to do what he does in non-save situations, and promptly served up the game on a hanging change-up to Mike Jacobs.

Of course the offense scored just three runs in this game, again. With a bit more help, this is a game they could have won, and should have. While Gil Meche was struggling, walking five and allowing 10 baserunners in his 5.1 innings, Detroit consistently left men on base. The missed opportunities would come back to bite them, as is so often the case.

Galarraga threw the ball better than he has perhaps all season. He baffled the Royals hitters time and time again with excellent command of his fastball and his slider. Over his seven frames, he allowed only five hits and one walk, while fanning seven. The lone run he allowed was a solo homer to Bloomquist.

Galarraga has faced much scrutiny over the past two months. After beginning the season 3-0 with a minute 1.85 ERA over his first four starts, he fell flat on his face over the next two months, dropping seven straight decisions. During that span, he frequently yielded runs early in games, and was prone to the long ball.

Slowly the worm began to turn three starts ago against the Cubs. In that June 25 contest, Galarraga earned his first win since April by limiting the Cubs to four runs over six innings, so brilliant, but a good effort given his previous struggles.

Five days later, he won again. At Oakland, he yielded only two hits, but walked six, in his 6.1 innings. He allowed only one run to the A's.

Last night however, was the culmination of the work Galarraga and pitching coach Rick Knapp have put in. Last night he looked like one of the top pitchers in the league, just the same way he looked in April. If he can continue to pitch the way he did last night, Detroit will have one fewer hole to fill.

Conversely, if Zumaya continues his recent struggles, the Tigers will have to fill a hole they weren't planning to.

Shameless Self-Promotion

2009-07-06T15:59:00.012-04:00

Some of you may have noticed that I have been a bit lax of late with my posts. This is due to a few new projects that I have been offered. In addition to my regular postings here, you can also find my work at Bleacher Report, where I have been contributing for over a month.

Recently I followed in the footsteps of two of the best in the Tigerosphere, Kurt Menching from Mack Avenue Tigers and J. Ellet Lambie of Eye of the Tigers, adding my work to Baseball Reflections.

I have agreed to contribute to Baseball-Now.com, which is a site still under development, but looks like it should be exciting and full of great content. Hopefully that project will be up and running soon.

There is one more that was presented to me today, but we're still hashing out the details, so I'll update all of you as things become more concrete.

So as Crash Davis once said, "We're dealing with a lot of shit here." I have many irons in the fire right now, but my plan is to keep this blog alive and well going forward.

In addition to the works outlined above, I have decided to fore go the use of my screen name, BigJP, in favor of my given name, as it will ultimately lead to greater recognition for my work. So those of you that frequent Bless You Boys will find me with a new handle. (Edit: I guess not, as apparently I cannot change usernames on SBNation, who knew?)

Thanks to all of you who have read so far, and to all that have offered your help along the way. These are exciting times for me and I hope to continue to bring you all the same insight I hopefully have provided in the past.

Time to Move On Without Magglio

2009-07-03T09:55:00.011-04:00

Magglio Ordonez provided easily the best baseball experience in the past 24 years for Detroit Tigers' fans. The walk-off home run he hit to win the 2006 ALCS and propel the Tigers into the World Series set off a love fest in Comerica Park. It brought tears to the eyes of any fan that saw it.

In 2005, he signed a mega-deal to play for the Tigers, when no one wanted to play here, and when no one wanted to pay him. Ordonez was coming off an experimental knee surgery, one that he had to have performed in Germany, because no American doctor would do it. The Tigers were just one season removed from the worst record in American League history.

Sadly, the whirlwind romance between Maggs and the Tigers appears to be nearing its end.

Just two years removed from his batting title in 2007, Ordonez has fallen flat. In 2007, he hit .363 with a league leading 54 doubles and an OPS of 1.029. But the numbers declined last season and then the bottom fell out this year.

Entering play today, Magglio is hitting a mere .260, the lowest of his career. He is carrying an OPS of only .663, again the lowest of his career. Ordonez has managed only three home runs and nine doubles in 246 at bats. The former extra base hit machine is now only able to loop soft singles to right, no longer driving the ball to the gaps as he did so often before.

There are other alarming numbers as well. He has grounded into 13 double plays already this year. His defense in right field has been well below league average, and his strikeouts are up, fanning in 16 percent of his at bats, easily the highest rate of his career.

Perhaps the most alarming number, however, is 18. As in the $18 million Magglio is set to earn next season if he reaches certain games played milestones this year.

The Tigers simply cannot afford to allow his option to vest.

When the contract with Magglio was signed prior to the 2005 season, Detroit knew they would have to overpay to acquire the superstar outfielder, and overpay they did. To this point, Magglio has been worth every penny he has received. But the "outs" that were written into the deal regarding the vesting options for 2010 and 2011 were put there to protect the team from having to overpay for an aging veteran, whose health or production might not warrant that kind of money.

When Ordonez was removed from the lineup for six games last month, his agent, Scott Boras, publicly basted the Tigers for the move. It was Boras' contention that Ordonez performance did not warrant the perceived benching. He stated that the replacements Detroit had used were not an upgrade to Ordonez. He later also said that his comments had nothing to do with next season's option on Ordonez's contract. I suspect that Boras was wrong on all accounts.

Lets' start with the contract. The Tigers have already committed to over $84 million in player salaries for next season (Cot's Contracts), not including the $18 million that Ordonez could earn.

Of that total, $47.5 million is committed to DH Carlos Guillen, and pitchers Nate Robertson, Dontrelle Willis, and Jeremy Bonderman. Considering what the four players listed above have contributed to this year's team (not much), there is little reason to suspect the Tigers will get favorable returns on any of those deals.

You also have to account for significant raises to be given to players in arbitration years. Justin Verlander, Edwin Jackson, Bobby Seay, and Joel Zumaya all figure to earn much more next year than they have this season. Add in the fact that closer Fernando Rodney will be a free agent, along with second baseman Placido Polanco and shortstop Adam Everett, and you have to expect that money will be spent to fill those holes as well.

But if Ordonez is better than the other options to play right field, I suspect the money wouldn't matter as much. Let's see if Mr. Boras was right about Magglio being the Tigers' best option.

We will look at this season's numbers, because now three months into the season, you have to expect that this is the player you have, and can no longer hope a player will revert to his track record. Ordonez's line is ghastly. .260/.330/.333/.663 is not good for a catcher. It's down right bad for a corner outfielder. Factor in his defense and lack of speed and you have a liability in the lineup.

Detroit has used two players frequently in the outfield that would be suitable replacements for Ordonez; Clete Thomas, and Ryan Raburn.

Thomas, currently in AAA Toledo, saw a great deal of playing time when he was up earlier this year. His major league numbers show an overall upgrade to Ordonez. Thomas had 114 AB's and posted a .237/.315/.412/.727 line this year. While those numbers do not necessarily suggest a huge improvement over Ordonez by themselves, they are better numbers.

Thomas has also hit four home runs and driven in 17 runs this season. He has above average speed, and plays much better defense than Ordonez as well. By contrast, Magglio has just three home runs and 24 RBI in his 248 at bats.

Raburn has seen the bulk of his playing time lately, and has taken advantage of his chance. In 98 at bats this year, Raburn has a line of .265/.351/.480/.831. He has played spotty defense in the outfield, but no worse than that of Ordonez. Raburn has five home runs and 19 RBI thus far, and like Thomas, provides more speed than Ordonez.

It is Raburn's offensive numbers that suggest the biggest reason to remove Ordonez from the lineup, and the biggest reason to exclude that part of Boras' argument.

As the calendar has turned to July, the Tigers remain in first place. That lead seems tenuous at best with the offense struggling to consistently put up runs. Detroit has scored three runs or fewer in better than 45 percent of it's games. (hat tip: Eye of the Tigers)

The Tigers will explore the trade market to try to augment the lack of overall production. The possible return of Carlos Guillen later this month could help, but only if he can regain some of his old form and drive the ball with consistency.

The biggest move the team can make to improve however, is to release Magglio Ordonez. His lack of production this season is a burden that some teams could bear, but not this team, and not with that contract.

If this were a younger Ordonez, with a smaller contract, perhaps the team could wait him out, and hope he returns to form. But he's not younger, and he's not less expensive. The looming payday that Ordonez will receive if he is allowed to continue to play for Detroit could cripple the franchise financially next season more so than the other bad deals detailed above. More so because it can be avoided.

If Ordonez was performing at his usual levels, his contract would be worth the price, his contributions would help the team in their push for the playoffs. But were are nearly half way through the season, and he is not performing. His performance has been a hindrance more than a help. In fact, it's not unfair to say that the Tigers have been a first-place team this year in spite of playing Ordonez as much as they have.

Although Ordonez has offered tremendous moments in years gone by, baseball is about winning. Releasing Ordonez now can only help this team win, both this year and beyond.

Well, Scratch THAT Name Off the List

2009-06-30T13:59:00.005-04:00

As the All-Star break draws near, many teams around the league are looking for upgrades. Your Motor City Kitties are no exception. The Tigers need for a another bat has been well chronicled, and many names have been tossed around the blogosphere. Unfortunately, the Tigers failed to pounce on the one name that I would have liked them to target; Eric Hinske.

Today, the Pirates made their annual trade with the Yankees, sending Hinske to New York along with cash for two minor leaguers. You may recall that over the past several seasons, the Pirates have made several deals with the Yankees, sending them Craig Wilson, Damaso Marte, Shawn Chacon, and Xavier Nady. The Pirates always seem to get the short end of such trades.

The Yankees use these players to solidify their push to the playoffs, while the Pirates continue to flounder until the next season, when they repeat the process. It has been said that the definition of insanity is to repeat your actions and expect different results. I believe the Pirates' executives to be insane.

So what's left for Detroit? Guys like Aubrey Huff and Luke Scott are likely still available, as are Adam Dunn and Nick Johnson, but all will have a bigger price tag than Hinske.

Perhaps, the Tigers' answer will come from within, as Carlos Guillen is progressing nicely from his shoulder injury that has cost him most of the season. If he can regain any type of the form at the plate he has displayed over the past several seasons, he would be a welcome addition to the Tigers' inconsistent attack.

The simple facts are that if the Tigers plan to make it to October, the offense needs a boost. If players like Guillen and Magglio Ordonez can find the fountain of youth, they should have enough to get there. If not, and I would not put a ton of faith in that happening, the team must look outside the organization for help.

A versatile left handed hitter that's capable of hitting the long ball would be ideal. With Hinske's name scratched from the shopping list, I will throw my support behind Chad Tracy of the Diamondbacks.

Tracy has spent the last month on the disabled list, but when healthy, has shown good pop throughout his career, twice hitting at least 20 home runs in a season. He can play first base and third base. He played in the outfield regularly prior to 2006, so he could probably get by there again.

Tracy could be activated by this weekend and while it's true that he has been injury prone over the past three seasons, so it would be a risk to take him on, the Tigers wouldn't need him to play everyday. He could be used in a platoon situation to help offset the losses of production the team was counting on from Ordonez and Guillen.

Given his injury history and the D-backs roster full of young talent, Arizona shouldn't ask for a ton in return. Tracy has a $7 million option for next season with a buyout of $1 million, so he should fit into the Tigers' plans financially as well.

Tigers by the Numbers: Charlie Gehringer

2009-06-28T19:02:00.004-04:00

Today will be the second installment of Tigers by the Numbers, where I will profile a current or former player that wore each uniform number. If you missed the first edition, my profile on uniform number one, Lou Whitaker, can be found here.

Today we will look at number two. Charlie Gehringer shared many similarities with Whitaker; they both played second base, they both hit left handed, and they both earned their way onto this list. Without further ado....

#2- Charlie Gehringer played second base for the Detroit Tigers from 1924 through 1942.

Born in Fowlerville, Michigan, Gehringer had been playing on his town's team that played at the local fairgrounds when a hunting buddy of former Tigers' outfielder Bobby Veach spotted him. The friend encouraged Veach to talk to his former club about signing the youngster.

Although he played in just 13 games combined in 1924 and 1925, By 1926, Gehringer was a fixture at second base for manager Ty Cobb's Tigers.

Starting with the 1927 season, Gehringer would post batting averages of better than .330 13 times over the next 14 years. The lone exception came in 1932, when Gehringer by his own admission began swinging for the fences too often. He finished that season with an average of .298, but he did hit 19 home runs, one off his career best.

Gehringer was known for his quiet, often reserved demeanor. Mickey Cochrane, who managed Gehringer's Tigers to the 1935 World Championship said of him: "He says 'Hello' on opening day and 'Goodbye' on closing day. In between he hits .350."

A member of the American League squad for baseball's first ever all-star game, Gehringer went 0-3 in that 1933 game, but he would be an all-star for each of the first six games in total and finish his all-star career at .500 (10-20).

Gehringer had seven season where he drove in better than 100 runs. He lead the league in stolen bases and triple in 1929. He also bested the AL in doubles twice, 1929 and 1936, and runs scored twice, 1929 and 1934.

Gehringer posted seasons of more than 200 hits seven times. Another former manager, Del Baker once said of him, "I honestly believe Charlie could spot a pitcher two strikes all season, and still hit within 15 points of his regular average."

Finishing in the top-ten in MVP voting eight times, Gehringer won the award in 1937. That same year he took home his first and only batting title, hitting a career best .371.

Over his 19 year career, Gehringer finished with 2839 hits, 1774 runs, 146 triples, and 1427 RBI. His career line of .320/.404/.480 shows the dual threat at the plate he was. In addition to his extra-base prowess, Gehringer added 1186 walks over his career versus just 372 strikeouts.

On the all-time Tigers list, Gehringer ranks third in hits, second in doubles, third in triples, and third in walks. He also ranks third in total bases and fourth in RBI.

Charlie Gehringer was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1949, his number two was officially retired by the Tigers on June 12, 1983.

Inge is an All-Star On and Off the Field

2009-06-25T10:46:00.006-04:00

I'm a little late with this post, but I felt it was worth writing about. It has been documented by several other outlets, but I wanted to add my thoughts, and since I have a blog, I decided to do so.

If you happened to be watching the telecast of the Tigers/Cubs game Tuesday night, either on WGN or FSN Detroit, you probably saw that Brandon Inge was sporting a new tattoo on his right forearm.

That was no tattoo.

It was an autograph signed by Tommy Schomaker, an eight-year-old boy, who is recovering from heart-transplant surgery at Mott Children's Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Inge, who regularly visits and donates to the hospital, had made a trip there a few weeks ago, and Tommy was excited about the possibility of meeting him. Tommy has battled heart conditions since birth, but doctors were able to find a new heart for him. He was rushed into surgery just about the time Inge was making his visit. Tommy was unable to meet with Inge at that time.

Upon hearing of Tommy's disappointment, Inge made a return trip to the hospital, just to meet Tommy. He spent time in Tommy's room, signing several autographs and talking with the young boy. Then Inge asked if he could have an autograph of his own. He had Tommy sign his name on Inge's arm, in a spot that he wore no arm bands, so it could be seen on television.

In the game that night, Inge hit a go-ahead two-run homer in the seventh inning. Although he didn't promise a home run to Tommy, the air-time that autograph got brought joy to Tommy and his family.

In July of last year, my wife and I were told that our son, Leyton, would be born with gastroschisis, a condition that affects the closing of the abdominal wall. He would face surgery shortly after he was born. Leyton was born on October 9, and was taken by ambulance to Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio.

Leyton had surgery one week later, and spent a total of 24 days in the hospital. I know first-hand how much the people at Children's Hospitals all over mean to the patients and the families they care for. Leyton is now eight months old and his condition has been corrected. He should face no more difficulties than any other child going forward. The wonderful staff at Children's made that possible.

Many athletes, like Inge, donate their time and money to good causes. Like Inge, most do so behind the scenes. In a time when we spend so much energy discussion the evils of professional athletes, it's good to recognize those who give back.

Tommy Schomaker is progressing well in his recovery. His surgery was made possible in part due to monetary donations from large companies and extraordinary people like Inge. He will continue his progress with a big smile on his face, and that is largely because Brandon Inge donated his time.

Lightning in a Bottle

2009-06-24T08:12:00.007-04:00

Jim Leyland made a desperate move. With the Tigers trailing 4-3 with one out in the ninth, the tying run stood on first base. Josh Anderson was coming to the plate, to be followed by Gerald Laird. Not exactly a group that would strike fear into the heart of your opponent.

That's when Jim Leyland went against conventional wisdom and went to his bench. He summoned Ryan Raburn, a right-handed hitter, to replace Anderson, a lefty, and face Cubs closer (and righty) Kevin Gregg. Leyland knew he needed an extra base hit to score Kelly and tie the game.

Jim Leyland knew the numbers, Gregg is better against left-handed hitters. On the season, lefties have an OPS of .654 versus Gregg, righties are at .752.

"I thought right-handed hitters had a little better chance against [Gregg] than left-handed hitters," Leyland said. "The numbers show [that]. We felt like he throws the slider a little bit more to right-handers, and if he happened to hang one, he might be able to jump one. And we caught a big break."

What began with a wild first inning for both Tigers' starter Edwin Jackson and Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano, became a pitchers duel. Both hurlers allowed one run in the first, but the damage could have been much worse.

Jackson was able to limit the Cubs to one run after loading the bases with no one out, and Zambrano kept the Tigers to just one after Detroit got a double and a triple to begin the game.

With the Cubs leading 2-1 in the seventh, Brandon Inge lined a Zambrano fastball over the fence in left for his 17th bomb on the year, giving the Tigers a 3-2 lead. A Micah Hoffpauir two-run shot followed in the eighth to regain the lead for the Cubs and set the stage for Raburn.

After Kelly walked to lead-off the ninth, Gregg battled back and got Inge to pop-up, throwing a steady diet of breaking balls.

He started Raburn the same way, missing with a slider on his first pitch. The second offering from Gregg was another breaking ball, but this one didn't break. The ball landed some 403 feet away, over the fence in left center, and the celebration began.

It was the first pinch-hit walk-off homer for Detroit since Lou Whitaker hit one in 1995.

The Tigers needed to catch lightning in a bottle last night, and Ryan Raburn caught it.

Tigers by the Numbers: Lou Whitaker

2009-06-23T10:29:00.010-04:00

(Baseball is a game for fathers and sons. It is with that thought in mind that I have come across an idea to celebrate the birthdays of my two sons. Sebastian will be turning three next month, and my youngest, Leyton, will have his first birthday in October.

For each birthday, I have decided to get them a baseball jersey with the corresponding number of their age. These jerseys will be of current or former great players that wore that number. For example, this year I will get Sebastian a number three jersey, hopefully that of Dale Murphy, though I may have to settle for a Rangers Alex Rodriguez jersey, as I have been unable to find a Murphy that is small enough. The plan is to get Sebastian jerseys from all over the MLB map, while limiting Leyton to Tigers jerseys, though I may decide to alternate years for the two.
** NOTE** If anyone has any thoughts on where I might find infant and toddler size jerseys, please pass that along via comment or email to jparent20@yahoo.com, Thanks!

This quest to find great players that each wore a specific number has lead to an idea for this blog. Periodically, whenever I get the opportunity, I will be profiling a current or former Tiger that wore each number. Today's post will start where my love of Tiger baseball did; Lou Whitaker.)

Today is the first installment of Tigers by the Numbers, where I will profile a current or former player that wore each jersey number. No reason not to start with number one, right?

My love of baseball and the Detroit Tigers began in or around 1984. I had just turned seven years old when the Tigers won the world series that season. My favorite player at the time, and for all-time, was Lou Whitaker.

#1-Lou Whitaker played second base for the Tigers from 1977 through 1995. For 19 seasons he paired with shortstop Alan Trammell to form the longest tenured middle infield in major league history. You simply cannot mention Whitaker without Trammell, and you cannot mention Trammell without "Sweet Lou". They even made their major league debuts in the same game. I wonder if that doesn't end up taking away from each individual when it comes to historical perspective. For this purpose, I will be looking only at Whitaker, and save Trammell for another number.

Louis Rodman Whitaker, Jr. was drafted by the Tigers in the fifth round of the 1975 amateur draft and immediately began his rise to the majors. The Tigers were in the middle of a lean stretch of years where they would finish higher than fifth in the division just once (fourth) in six years.

Whitaker played well in the minors, posting a .297 average as a 19 year old in Lakeland in 1976. He spent the 1977 season playing AA ball in Montgomery, Alabama and posted a .280 average with 38 stolen bases. With a slew of non-descript talent at the big league level, the 20 year old Whitaker was called up in September of 1977, after just 273 minor league games, and all of five home runs.

Whitaker made his major league debut on September 9, 1977, starting at second base in the second game of a double header at Boston. He hit second in the order behind Ron LeFlore. He made a very good first impression.

Batting in the top of the first, Whitaker lined a single off Boston starter Reggie Cleveland for his first major league hit. One batter later, he stole his first career base. He would finish the game 3-5 with a double, a run scored, and an RBI. He would go on to play in 11 games total that season posting a .250/.333/.281 line with two steals.

By the end of April 1978, Whitaker took over the everyday job at second base for the Tigers. The job was his until he retired following the 1995 season. He won the AL Rookie of the Year Award in 1978, posting a .285 batting average for the Tigers. Whitaker and the Tigers showed steady improvement for the next several seasons.

1983 was perhaps the finest of Whitaker's career. He hit .320/.380/.457 for the season and scored 94 runs. That year he made his first all-star game, won a gold glove and a silver slugger award, and he finished eighth in the league MVP balloting.

For his career, Whitaker posted four seasons with at least 20 home runs, including the 1989 season, when he set career highs with 28 long balls and 85 RBI. Whitaker won a total of four silver slugger awards and three gold gloves. He was a five-time all-star in an era of great second basemen, often competing with Willie Randolph and Frank White for those honors.

When Sweet Lou retired, he did so with 2369 hits, 244 home runs, and 1087 RBI. Bill James ranked Whitaker as the thirteenth greatest second sacker in history. Whitaker ranks sixth on the all-time Tigers hits list, sixth in home runs, eighth in RBI, and second in walks.

When it came time for Whitaker's inclusion on the Hall of Fame ballot in 2000, his timing couldn't have been worse. A new era had enveloped the sport, leading to huge numbers being posted by middle infielders all across the league.

The baseball writers overlooked Whitaker on his first ballot, and he recieved only 2.9% of the vote, forcing his name off the ballot for subsequent years. He will not be eligible for the games highest honor until 2015, when the veteran's committee will have the chance to enshrine him along side the other great second basemen in Cooperstown.

There are currently only 17 second basemen in the Hall of Fame, of those only nine had more hits than Whitaker. Only Rogers Hornsby, Ryne Sandberg, and Joe Morgan had more home runs, and Whitaker drove in more runs than all but 10 of them. Whitaker's career .363 OBP would place him tenth in that group, and his 1386 runs scored would place him ninth.

While Whitaker was not the best second baseman ever, the numbers show he was among the best. Since his final game in 1995, no one has worn his number. The Tigers have yet to officially retire number one, but hopefully, they will do so soon.

Lou Whitaker had a career worthy of such an honor.

Weekend Roundup: Tigers Lead in Central Growing

2009-06-22T07:38:00.006-04:00

Thanks to another outstanding pitching performance from Justin Verlander and a long home run from Brandon Inge, the Detroit Tigers completed a three game sweep of the formerly hot Milwaukee Brewers on Sunday to kick off their current six game home stand, and knock the Brewers off the top of the NL Central standings.

Verlander, facing the Brewers for the first time since his 2007 no-hitter, fanned eight over 7.2 innings to collect his eighth victory of the season, matching rookie Rick Porcello for the team lead. Verlander allowed two solo homers to account for all of Milwaukee's offense in the 3-2 win, the fourth straight for Detroit.

With Detroit trailing 1-0 in the sixth, Inge came to the plate with two on and two out. He took a Yovanni Gallardo offering and hammered it over the bullpen into the left field seats to give the Tigers all the offense Verlander would need. It was Inge's 16th homer of the year and gave him the team lead with 47 RBI.

The Tigers have made a flurry of moves recently, both with the lineup and the roster. Struggling outfielder Magglio Ordonez has not played during the winning streak. Marcus Thames, who homered twice in Friday's win, has been installed as the new cleanup hitter, and manager Jim Leyland received a contract extension. Right hander Alfredo Figaro made his major league debut and beat the Brewers on Saturday. After Sunday's game, reliever Ryan Perry was optioned to AAA Toledo. Catcher Dane Sardinha was designated for assignment.

The Tigers lead in the AL Central now stands at four games over Minnesota, who lost two of three to Houston over the weekend. With the Royals and Indians both suffering sweeps of their own, only the White Sox were able to win their weekend series and keep pace with Detroit.

Twins/Astros

Minnesota entered the weekend trailing the Tigers by just two games, but were unable to capitalize on the major's best home field advantage. After taking the opener on Friday, the Twins dropped the next two to Houston to fall four games off the division lead. Wandy Rodriguez held the Twins to just two hits over seven innings in Sunday's rubber match, a 5-1 win for the Astros. Micheal Cuddyer accounted for all of Minnesota's offense, with a solo homer in the second.

White Sox/Reds

After dropping Friday's opener in Cincinnati, Chicago stormed back and won the series with the Reds, capped by a 4-1 win on Sunday. Mark Buerhle was stellar once again as he held the Reds scoreless over seven innings to improve to 7-2 on the season. Bobby Jenks pitched a perfect ninth for his second save in as many nights and 17th on the season. Winners of two straight, Chicago now sits five games back of Detroit.

Royals/Cardinals

St. Louis manager Tony LaRussa won his 2500th game as the Cardinals completed a three game road sweep of the Royals, outscoring Kansas City 29-11 in the process. Albert Pujols did what Albert Pujols does and homered twice in Sunday's finale, giving him three for the series (along with 10 RBI), and a major league leading 26 home runs for the season. The sweep dropped Kansas City to 8.5 games out of first in the AL Central.

Indians/Cubs

Cleveland started play on Wednesday just six games out of the division lead. They ended the day Sunday a full 10 games off the pace. After getting swept at home by Milwaukee last week, the Tribe traveled to Chicago to take on the Cubs, and promptly got swept again. Cleveland watched their hapless bullpen hand over big leads both Friday and Saturday in dropping the first two games of the set with the Cubs. Sunday however, the Cubs raced out to a 6-0 lead off starter Jeremy Sowers and held off Cleveland for the 6-2 win. Sowers was knocked around for six runs on seven hits and four walks over just 4.1 innings for the Indians.

Marcus Thames Key to Tigers' Success

2009-06-20T08:26:00.007-04:00

Marcus Thames is "country strong". He showed that Friday night, clubbing two big flies, propelling the Tigers to a 10-4 rain-shortened victory over Milwaukee.

After Armando Galarraga yielded a three-run bomb to Prince Fielder in the first, it was Thames who responded with a two-run shot off Braden Looper in the bottom of the inning to get the Tigers back into the game. Thames then capped the scoring with another two-run blast in the seventh, this one an opposite field shot on an 0-2 count just as the rain began to fall again, ending the Brewers chances and the game.

In 13 games since returning from injury, Thames has gone 12-36 with five home runs, and provided the pop this team has been missing from guys like Magglio Ordonez and Carlos Guillen. He has three bombs in his last two games since being installed into the cleanup spot behind Miguel Cabrera.

It was partly with an eye toward getting regular at-bats for Thames that the Tigers decided to part ways with Gary Sheffield this spring, though Sheffield was still owed $14 million for this season. Unfortunately for Detroit, the Carlos Guillen injuries forced Jim Leyland to play Guillen at DH early this year, taking those at-bats from Marcus. By the time Guillen hit the DL, Thames was already there, having hurt an abdominal muscle during batting practice in April. But the timing couldn't have been better for his return in early June.

With Guillen still out of the lineup (he could yet miss the whole season), and Magglio Ordonez no longer the threat he once was, Detroit was severely lacking offensive production. While finishing up the last road trip in St. Louis, Leyland decided it was time to let Thames play everyday and see what he could do. The move has paid immediate dividends.

After being held to just three runs in the first game with Thames at cleanup, the Tigers have plated six and 10 in their last two. Slotting Thames to hit behind Cabrera has also allowed Curtis Granderson to move back to the top of the order, while still providing some measure of protection for El Martillo, who is now hitting third.

Thames has shown flashes of brilliance in the past, but this time, perhaps he will get the extended playing time that Leyland has promised before, only to take it away to give to another player. This time, the Tigers can't afford to not have Marcus and his long-ball ability in the lineup. He is a three-run homer waiting to happen.

The addition of Thames, along with the promotions of catcher Dusty Ryan, who made his season debut Friday, and pitcher Alfredo Figaro, slated to make his major league debut Saturday, are changes that are perhaps long over due for the first-place Tigers. The offense had gone cold, and the lack of production of catcher Dane Sardinha and Ordonez were two of the many reasons for that.

Ryan figures to take over for Sardinha's role and the upgrade offensively he should provide will allow more rest for starter Gerald Laird. The fresher Leyland can keep Laird, the better his numbers should become as the season goes forward. Ryan stepped into the lineup Friday and clubbed an RBI double to tie the game in the fourth inning, leading to a four-run rally that saw the Tigers take the lead they would not give back.

If Figaro, taking over for Dontrelle Willis, can hold down the fifth spot of the rotation, the Tigers are going to like their chances in a great many games the rest of the way. The additions of Thames and Ryan should allow for much better offensive numbers from the lineup, but it will hinge on whether or not Thames can stay productive over an extended period of time. It's the chance he's been waiting his whole career for.

Shake-ups Continue in Tiger Town

2009-06-19T10:17:00.005-04:00

Magglio Ordonez may be nearing the end of the line in Detroit. The former batting champion has lost his starting job, at least for now.

Prior to last night's game in St. Louis, a 6-3 Tigers victory, manager Jim Leyland announced that Maggs would not play, but did not elaborate on low long his benching would last. This could be the first step towards the door for the Tigers' beloved right fielder.

In addition to the Ordonez situation, the team announced that AA right hander Alfredo Figaro would make the jump to Detroit and will start Saturday versus Milwaukee, with much maligned Dontrelle Willis hitting the DL with an anxiety disorder for the second time this season.

Figaro has pitched well in Erie this season, and gets the call over Mud Hens' lefty Luke French, who was also in line for a call-up. The guess here is that Figaro will get an extended look in the fifth starter spot in Detroit, as he is considered one of the organization's better pitching prospects. Regardless of his performance on Saturday, expect him to make several turns through the rotation. It's time to see what the kid can do.

Ordonez, on the other hand, is likely nearing the end of his days in Detroit. The once feared slugger has managed only two home runs this season, and frequently seems content to loop soft singles the other way. His average is a respectable .273, but well off the pace that his track record demands. His extra base power has all but completely vanished, and he carries a .690 OPS this season.

Another issue with Ordonez has become his contract. If he were to reach 135 games started this season, his 2010 option will automatically vest, locking him in for $18million next season. His production has not warranted a spot on this team, and it certainly does not warrant paying him that kind of money next year.

There had been much speculation before the season that the Tigers might release Magglio prior to his option vesting, and that certainly would have drawn the ire (and possibly a grievance) of the player's union. Ordonez hasn't done much to help the Tigers on the field this year, but his below average performance has probably allowed the team to cut him now and make a viable argument that the decision is based solely on performance.

The simple fact is that the Tigers could easily get the kind of production Magglio has given them from a much younger and cheaper player. In limited at-bats this season, Ryan Raburn, who replaced Ordonez in the starting lineup, and Clete Thomas (currently in AAA) have put up OPS's of .731 and .727 respectively. While those are not great numbers, they are significantly better than Ordonez.

The argument to release Magglio is growing stronger. Now is the time to do so.

UPDATE (3:29pm): Lee is reporting that Dusty Ryan is on his way to Detroit. No word on who might be moved out, but I think it's safe to assume it will be Sardinha. With Laird having caught the past four games, look for Ryan to be in the lineup tonight versus Milwaukee.

Willis Out, French In?

2009-06-17T09:36:00.006-04:00

Long road trips lend themselves to losing. Losing breeds restlessness. Restlessness breeds change.

The changes are already beginning in Motown. The Detroit News is reporting that Dontrelle Willis will not make his next start, which has lead to much speculation as to who will.

Zach Miner would be the leading in-house candidate, although I wondered last night if Nate Robertson's early appearance wasn't designed to get him on schedule to throw Saturday. Robertson's poor performance yesterday should quash those thoughts, however.

As for Miner, the use of the righty would result in a rotation sans a left hander, and while Detroit would certainly perfer to have at least one southpaw in the rotation, results should be the only things that matter. Simply put, of the options currently on the roster, Miner would give the Tigers the best chance to win.

Another name being tossed around is that of Mud Hens lefty Luke French. French appeared briefly on the major league roster earlier this year and pitched in two games. He has yet to allow a hit in his big league career, but he walked three over his three innings. "The Tickler" (as Rogo has dubbed him), has a 4-4 record in Toledo this season, sporting a nifty 3.26 ERA with 54 strikeouts against 18 walks in 66.2 innings. Call it the restlessness of losing, but I would like to see French get that start.

In order to recall French, someone must be moved off of the active roster. Barring an unforeseen injury, that will mean that a player will either be released, traded, or sent down. Of the possible candidates to be demoted, only Armando Galarraga and Ryan Perry have minor league options, but I doubt either of them are headed to Toledo. That might mean that it's time to pull up a chair, Mr. Illitch, you have a heaping plate-full of salary to eat.

Fans want major changes in Detroit, and with each passing poor performance, both from the starting pitching, and the offense, I find myself joining them. A move has to be made.

There remains the possibility that Dontrelle would be asked to accept a minor league assignment, much as he did last season. I'm sure they have probably already spoken with him about it. If he does, then the roster problem is solved, for now. If he declines, as his service time would allow, the Tigers would either have to try to hide him in the bullpen, or designate him for assignment and eventually release him and swallow what's left of the $22MM on his deal.

Apart from Willis, Robertson would be the next most likely to be DFA'd. The balance of his $17MM contract doesn't sound too yummy, but the team is getting basically nothing out of him. The Tigers have to look at this one way, and that is that the money is already spent. They aren't getting anything in return and must move on.

All of this still only addresses one of the Tigers several holes, but at least its a start. The offensive woes must also be dealt with, and soon. Detroit still holds a two game lead on Minnesota, and sit atop the dreadful AL Central, but that lead could be gone by the weekend.

Long road trips lend themselves to losing. Rare is the team that can go on the road and win the majority of the time. Detroit has done fairly well away from the CoPa this year, but they have now lost three straight and 5 of the nine games so far on this trip.

I'd rather be a struggling first-place team than a surging fifth-place team any day. The move to remove Willis from the rotation has got to buoy the team's confidence. To borrow a line from former Tiger Alan Trammell, "This is how it starts. This is how we get better."

The Tigers will start Edwin Jackson and Rick Porcello the next two games to try to salvage a winning trip, which is always what I hope for when they hit the road. With the changes that are now beginning in Motown, the Tigers are taking steps towards staying in first-place.

Tigers' Lineup Needs Consistentcy

2009-06-16T09:31:00.004-04:00

Seriously, how tough can it be? Jim Leyland has managed over 2700 major league games, plus an addition 49 playoff games and countless more in the spring training and the minor leagues. During that time, he has been responsible for filling out the lineup card for each and every one of those games. Recently, Leyland seems to have forgotten how to do it.

With the offense struggling as much as it has this year, Leyland needs to establish consistency with the lineup. The constant shuffling has not worked. Perhaps, Leyland purposely tries to illustrate to Dave Dombrowski that he needs another hitter by running out lineups that would rival those of the MudHens. The top three in Sunday's game were Don Kelly, Ramon Santiago, and Josh Anderson. Seriously? I'm half expecting to read Dane Sardinha's name in the three spot tonight.

My hope is that is exactly what Leyland is doing. It's as if he's saying "See? I need another bat so I can field a decent lineup, because this is the best I can come up with from what you have given me." I really can't say as I blame him, but a face to face meeting might be a better option for sending a message.

Conventional wisdom says Placido Polanco is going to hit, and that Magglio Ordonez will find at least some of old form, so maybe this whole problem will correct itself. But we now stand more than 1/3 through the season, how much longer do we wait?

The Tigers need to go get another hitter. He should be left handed and be able to play a corner outfield spot. He should also feature the ability to hit the long ball with some regularity. We have seen so far that that hitter is not Clete Thomas, and is not Josh Anderson. I doubt that he is Don Kelly, either. It is time to make a deal.

A quick check of the standings show Baltimore, Washington, Oakland, San Diego, and Pittsburgh as likely sellers. Aubrey Huff would be a nice fit from the Orioles, though his price tag may be too high. Adam Dunn could be had, as could Nick Johnson from Washington. Dunn is terrible defensively, but his bat would be a welcome addition. Johnson would be a better fit, as he can play outfield, though usually doesn't, but the Nats have been asking the moon for their OBP machine. The guys in Oakland and San Diego don't seem all that attractive, outside of Matt Holliday who is right handed.

That leaves just the Pirates, and the player that Detroit should target is Eric Hinske. Hinske can play first, third, left, and right. He has good power, he has twice clubbed 20 HR seasons, including last year. Plus he has played for the past two American League champions, so he may just be good luck. The Pirates have used Hinske only sparingly, as he has just 86 at bats in 2009, so he may come cheap. Which is key, because Detroit probably can't offer much in a trade.

If they can acquire Hinske or someone like him, the lineup can be re-assembled. I would personally like to see Granderson find a home batting third, but another lefty bat would allow him to move back to the top of the order. Either way, Detroit needs to find a lineup and allow it the time needed to work consistently.

Changes Needed in Tigers' Rotation

2009-06-15T11:00:00.003-04:00

I believe the honeymoon is officially over. I think it is now safe to proclaim that the back end of the Tigers' rotation is not very good. Actually, not very good would be an upgrade.

The combined efforts put forth by Armando Galarraga and Dontrelle Willis over the weekend was just plain awful. How does 5.2 innings, 14 hits, 10 earned runs, nine walks and just one stikeout grab you? That's the combined line of Willis and Galarraga at Pittsburgh over the past few days. These, folks, are not isolated incidents. The question now has to be what can be done about it?

It's true that Galarraga began the season 3-0 with a 1.85 ERA. It's also true that he was very good for a very bad team last year. And it appears that the pitcher that put up those numbers no longer exists. Galarraga has not won since his fourth start of the year, though prior to his performance on Saturday, he had turned in three straight "quality starts". Saturday was just plain bad. If this was a guy who had been pitching well all along, it could be forgiven. This is not just a blip on the radar, though, it has become a trend.

Dontrelle, meanwhile, has exactly one good start in seven tries. One. His effort against Texas on May 19 was very very good and inspired many, me included, to extol his virtues and proclaim him to be "back". It hasn't gone well since.

Following his sparkling effort versus the Rangers, Willis has spiraled backward. In five starts since May 19, he has posted an 0-4 record, with an ERA of 9.53. He has walked 24 hitters over 22.2 innings against just 12 strikeouts. He consistently pitches himself into jams. This simply cannot continue. Dontrelle, for his part, said the same when speaking to MLB.com's Jason Beck following the game Sunday. And while his accountabililty is nice, it doesn't put zeros on the board.

Much has been said by many a folk about what to do with Willis. No one will trade for him, I don't see any way that they will release him with the amount of money he is still owed. As J. Ellet Lambie wrote to me about him, "They'll have him working the concession stands before they cut him", and I agree. The Tigers chose to extend him prior to the 2007 season and now they are stuck with him. But they cannot continue to hand him the ball and hold their breath. It's just not fair to the team to continuously put everyone in a hole to try to dig out of. The only option for Willis is a spot in the bullpen, where he can hopefully be hidden and used only in blowout games.

Galarraga, on the other hand can be dealt with much more easily. Not only does he have a minor league option available to use, but his small price tag and the fact that he has shown good success in the major leagues could make him attractive in a trade. Either way, the Tigers cannot afford to basically forfeit two of every five games on the schedule. There are other arms that Jim Leyland can give the ball to. I think now is the time to do that.

Kurt has been on this for awhile, and now Billfer and Lee are on board, too. I guess you can begrudgingly add my name to the roll call now as well. Zach Miner should be given a rotation spot. I have never really been a fan of his, but it has been nice to have him on the team as a guy that could start, or could pitch two or three innings of relief.

Miner has shown a tendency to allow every inherited baserunner to immediately score, but seems to do fine when he enters the game to begin an inning. He has seen some success as a starter in the past, and while he's not going to ever win a Cy Young award, he can keep his team in the game more often than not. At this point, that's a whole lot more than Detroit has been getting from Willis or Galarraga.

Even if they add Miner to spell Galarraga, you would still like to have a lefthander in the rotation. I think everyone can see where this is going, and I'm sure there aren't too many who will agree, but... Nate Robertson. That's right. I can't believe I'm typing this out but Nate is really the only other viable option to start games. If we assume that Willis will stay on the team because of his salary, and I will assume that, then he has to be hidden in the bullpen. Nate Robertson is currently in hiding there and you can't hide all of them, so I will nominate him to start in lieu of Willis.

The Robertson story has been well documented. A mainstay on the 2006 AL Championship team, he pitched strictly as a starter for much of his career. Over the past two years, his velocity has slipped a bit, and he lost command of his patented slider. He lost out of the rotation competition this spring and was banished to the bullpen, where he has been used only sparingly.

Obviously, Leyland hasn't much confidence in Robertson, and his numbers this year wouldn't suggest he's earned any. That being said, he has to be a better option than Willis doesn't he? I mean, he can't possibly be worse.

Mike Feld recently called the Tigers the worst first-place team in baseball and he points out several other glaring holes. And while I agree that the offense needs an upgrade (might I suggest Eric Hinske?), you could field a team full of all-stars and not be able to win when you get the efforts that Willis and Galarraga have been giving.

The winds of change are blowing in Detroit. I can only hope that management catches up before the Twins do.

Dusty Ryan Could be Answer to Catching Woes

2009-06-12T10:04:00.007-04:00

The role of backup catcher on a major league team, is one frequently overlooked. Entering the 2009 season, the Tigers had added two catchers to replace Ivan Rodriguez, who was traded at the deadline last season, Brandon Inge, who was making his return to third base, and Vance Wilson, who had missed most of the previous two seasons with injuries.

Enter Gerald Laird as the new starter and Misty May-Treanor's husband, Matt to back him up. The Tigers appeared to be set at catcher with two good defenders and a starter that was capable of producing solid offensive numbers.

So far this season, Laird has been as advertised with the glove and has done a very good job working with the pitchers, as the staff currently leads the American League in ERA. His hitting has been erratic at best however, as he has been prone to long slumps. Entering play today, Laird is sporting just a .221 batting average, with a .645 OPS, contributing to overall below average performance of the team's offense. Laird, however has proven his worth with the glove and his game-calling. He is not the glaring weakness of this team.

That honor undoubtedly goes to the backup catcher. Matt Treanor began the season with a hip problem, and it was soon discovered that he needed more surgery and would be lost for the year. Before the surgery, Treanor managed to record an out in each of his 13 at bats for Detroit. In his stead, the Tigers recalled veteran minor leaguer Dane Sardinha.

Sardinha spent 17 games with the Tigers in 2008, following the trade of Pudge Rodriguez. He has always been regarded as a good game-caller from his days in the minors. Unfortunately, he has never really hit. 2008 was no exception, as he posted a .159 BA, with an OPS of just .434, albeit in only 44 at bats. His minor league numbers haven't exactly inspired hope, either. In parts of nine seasons on the farm, he has a career line of .222/.262/.336. So the Tigers didn't have any reason to think he could hit major league pitching. And hit, he has not.

So far this season, Sardinha has been worse than advertised. He has just three hits in 31 at bats, one of them a double. He has also failed to draw a single walk. He has struck out 16 times, an alarming 52% of his at bats. His line (.097/.091/.129) is just poor, and only one player in the major leagues with as many as 31 AB's has been worse, and that player is Randy Wolf, a pitcher, with the Dodgers. Defensively, Sardinha has failed miserably to control the running game, nabbing just two of the 12 runners who have attempted to steal against him. By all accounts however, he does call a good game, and seems to work well with the staff.

But the Tigers need a catcher who can do something measurable. In several games this year, Sardinha has started, only to see Laird have to enter in the late innings as a pinch hitter, then catch the rest of the game. Laird will need rest at some point this season, but Sardinha's poor performances, especially offensively, just don't allow for that. He has become the glaring weakness on a team that is trying to distance themselves from the rest of the division.

Where else can the Tigers turn? With Treanor probably lost for the year, they could look back to Toledo for another catcher. Dusty Ryan has seen some time in the majors last year with Detroit, and did reasonably well. He showed enough that many a Tiger fan wondered why the team signed Mr. Misty May to begin with.

As a 23 year old last year, Ryan caught six of the 13 potential base stealers against him, and put up very good numbers offensively, though in just 44 at bats. He finished at .318/.380/.500, with two homeruns and seven RBI. A very good showing, indeed. Ryan's minor league career line is slightly lower at .238/.331/.391, but he has improved his hitting as he has progressed though the minor leagues, posting an .817 OPS in AA and an .848 OPS in AAA.

Laird does have one arbitration year remaining, so he is under team control through 2010, but Ryan may be the Tigers catcher of the future, although they also like AA prospect Alex Avila, as well. But the future needs to be now for Dusty Ryan and the Tigers. Ryan was kept in Toledo in part to get him more seasoning, but with the failure of Sardinha, and the loss of Treanor, the Tigers have no choice but to bring in a new catcher.

The Tigers' farm system is largely void of talent, so a trade for a capable backup catcher seems unlikely. Dusty Ryan should be getting the call to come to Detroit soon, if the Tigers are serious about winning this year. His recall would allow for more rest for Laird, and get Ryan acclimated to the pitchers on the major league staff, while working a couple of games per week. I'm sure there will bumps along the way, but he would be a huge upgrade to the performance Sardinha has offered.

Another Exciting Adventure with Dontrelle

2009-06-10T10:36:00.004-04:00

With the Red Wings playing game six of the Stanley Cup Finals last night, I had planned on a nice evening watching hockey. Unfortunately, I cannot turn away from a Dontrelle Willis start. This is must-watch stuff here. For all the people that complain about how boring baseball is, I say "just go watch D-Train pitch sometime". Each pitch that he throws is a new and exciting adventure, which is not necessarily what you ideally would want from a guy pitching for your club. But boring, he is not.

His outing can best be summed up by a post made by Kurt from Mack Avenue Tigers, on the gamethread at Bless You Boys.

typical willis start
which is an improvement over last time.
scares the hell out of you, pisses you off a few times, scares the hell out of you a bit more and does uhm, OK I guess.
Mack Avenue Tigers
by MackAveKurt on Jun 9, 2009 9:52 PM EDT

Kurt, I couldn't agree more.

The bottom of the fifth inning yesterday was one of the more intense frames of baseball I have ever watched. Willis was obviously not completely healthy after hurting his knee in the first, and was visibly limping. But he battled through the pain, and battled his command issues to finally retire A.J. Pierzynski with the bases loaded by making a diving sprawl on a slow roller just past the mound, then threw wildly to first from his belly, only to see Miguel Cabrera preserve the tie with a great stretch to stay on the bag.

When it was over, I could finally exhale.

Dontrelle Willis is exhausting to watch. He began his evening with six consecutive balls. He allowed the White Sox first run on a wild pitch. Over his five innings of work, he allowed 10 baserunners (five walks, five hits). He also allowed a game-tying two-run homer to Brain Anderson. As he has in the past, he also had good moments. His fastball reached 94 MPH, he consistently got ground balls, and was able to limit the damage to three runs over his start.

But he battled all day. Trainer Kevin Rand twice went to the mound to check on Willis, once after the play in the first when Willis hurt himself covering home, and once in the second. Twice Willis persuaded Rand and Jim Leyland to leave him in. On the second trip, I could read his lips when he said "There is no way I'm coming out of this game".

Willis has a long way to go. But unlike Jeremy Bonderman right now, his stuff is good enough. And he competes on every pitch, even if sometimes just with himself. Consistency has got to improve, though. Just as Dontrelle refused to leave the game last night, he needs to refuse to yield to his demons, and refuse to give up his fight to keep a starting job.

His determination may be the only thing keeping him in the major leagues right now.

Bonderman, Willis Make Pitch for Starting Jobs

2009-06-09T07:50:00.005-04:00

Armando Galarraga seemingly put to rest any thoughts that he was about to lose his spot in the Tigers' starting rotation yesterday. After a rough first inning, he settled in and pitched very well. He pitched into the seventh inning, and left with lead, as Detroit bested Chicago 5-4 in the opener of a day-night doubleheader, and the start of a five game series with the White Sox. He was very good after his 33 pitch first frame, allowing only a homerun to noted Tiger-killer Jermaine Dye thereafter.

In the nightcap, Jeremy Bonderman made his first start in the major leagues in over a year. His stuff was underwhelming, his location was poor, and the results were unimpressive. Granted, he was starting in Chicago against the Sox, so you had to figure that homeruns could be a problem for any pitcher in that spot, and I'm sure nerves were a factor. That being said, I was not at all encouraged by what I saw.

Bonderman no longer possesses the great fastball and power slider he used to, those have been replaced by versions 5-6 MPH slower. He did feature a changeup, but he lacked command with it and the differential between that pitch and his fastball was only about 5 MPH, which is not ideal.

All six of Chicago's runs last night were charged to Bonderman, I had the feeling that it could have been worse. Bonderman has a long history of first-inning struggles, but last night he wasn't unlucky in that frame, he was bad. From the first hitter of the game, it felt like he was in trouble. The outs he recorded were on hard hit balls, he wasn't fooling anybody. Things never really improved.

Dontrelle Willis will get another chance to keep his rotation spot tonight, as he tries to bounce back from a poor performance last week versus Boston. In that start, Willis managed to yield five earned runs without allowing a hit, or making it out of the third inning.

When I watched Bonderman last night, I tried to compare his outing to what I saw from Dontrelle in his first start against the Twins last month. The finals numbers aren't far apart, but the feeling I took from each drastically differed. Bonderman threw 4+ innings, allowing eight hits, three walks, and six runs, with one strikeout. He gave up three homeruns. Willis, on May 13, went 4.2 innings, allowing eight hits, two walks, and four runs. He allowed one homerun, and was without a strikeout. Four of Bonderman's eight hits allowed went for extra bases, while only two of Willis' did.

As I wrote at the time, Willis looked like a pitcher with a plan and a purpose to each pitch. His stuff was there, but his command within the zone was not. But I could see that the talent had not eroded, it just needed to be harnessed. Conversely, last night Bonderman looked like a pitcher who was trying to pitch like he still had the stuff to blow past hitters. His once electric arm is gone, at least for now, and he was unable to make the adjustments that were necessary.

By no means am I calling this race over. Willis has been inconsistent at best, but did show promise in one start. Perhaps Bonderman can build on his effort last night and pitch better going forward. But Willis is getting his chance to keep his job tonight. If he pitches well and shows results, the job is likely his to keep. Bonderman's effort last night has put Willis in the driver's seat.

Bonderman can now only watch, his work is done. He may get one more start, as perhaps the first can be chalked up to nerves. Maybe, he will move to the bullpen, or accept a minor league assignment. But the impression that I got is that Bonderman wasn't ready. And I am not confident he will be soon.

Playing Pepper with J. Ellet Lambie

2009-06-07T18:08:00.008-04:00

When I began this blog about a month ago, I had no idea where things might go, or if anyone would even read it. What I have found so far, is that I truly enjoy sharing my thoughts about Tigers baseball with other fans and bloggers, and that at least of few of you are reading.

Recently, J. Ellet Lambie of Hazaa, asked me to participate in a segment he runs regularly called "Five for Fighting", where he and another blogger trade five questions and post each other's answers. I have been a big fan of his work since I first stumbled upon it, and was humbled to be asked to join him for this piece. John is perhaps the most talented writer I have encountered in the blogosphere and I encourage all of you to be sure to visit his site and read through his archives.

The questions I asked him will appear here with his answers, while the questions he posed to me will appear at Hazaa, along with my answers. Think of this like one of those old episodes of Law and Order that would overlap with an episode of Homicide. Always a good time, as I'm sure this will be. Let's get started...

Q: In light of the offensive struggles so far this year, what are the changes you would like to see? (Are there players in the minors you feel should get a look? or Name some players that the Tigers should target via trade.)

I'll probably be in the minority here, but I don't think a whole lot of external change is required to right the ship. Magglio Ordonez started slowly, but has raised his batting average significantly and is beginning to drive in runs when it matters. Placido Polanco is better than a .250 hitter, I expect he'll rebound soon as well. Marcus Thames will soon be available to provide a little more punch, although consistency has always been his Achilles heel. Slumps come at odd times and tend to bring about a knee-jerk reaction among fans. I'm willing to be patient, for at least the next month.

There are however a few players rumored to be available in the trade market that I think would provide some injury security and eliminate the need to carry youngsters such as Jeff Larish and Ryan Raburn.

Nick Johnson of the Washington Nationals is one of those guys. He's hitting .332 as of this morning with a .434 on-base percentage and 30 RBIs. He's also walked 33 times against 37 strike outs, which would give the Tigers a truly patient hitter in the lineup. He'd provide depth at first base, a considerable upgrade over Larish. I'm not sure what his price tag would be, but it's probably higher than we think. Left handed hitters of his quality don't grow on trees.

Aubrey Huff is another potential free agent that could help the Tigers, and he's publicly admitted his man-crush on Edwin Jackson so that might help clear the way for his mid July transfer, but don't count on it yet. The Orioles will seek more than he's worth, as they always do.

In terms of another proven outfielder with some pop, which this team could certainly use, names like Jermaine Dye and Matt Holliday will be mentioned but neither will end up here. The Tigers are more likely to pursue a Marlon Byrd (whom I would love to have) or a Rick Ankiel (whom I wouldn't).

Q: Lynn Henning of the Detroit News, recently spoke with Mike McClary on the podcast and suggested it was time to cut bait with some big contracts (Ordonez, Willis, Roberston), how realistic do you feel his suggestions were and do you agree with him?

The release of Gary Sheffield this spring opened the door for this kind of thinking, and while it has happened before with guys like Damion Easley I don't know that the same circumstances apply here. Let's start with Maggs. The bulk of the rationale from writers who support cutting him loose comes from the impending contract option kicking in for next season. If Ordonez plays 135 games or reaches 540 plate appearances that ginormous option is guaranteed. While he isn't the player he once was he can still hit, and there is no one in line to replace him except Wilkin Ramirez, and let's face it, he's not ready yet. I don't expect the team to cut Ordonez, although it will be very interesting to see how they handle his playing time late in the season. I believe the organization would like to see Magglio quietly slip away after the '09 season and find his replacement on the deeply discounted free agent market.

As for Dontrelle Willis and Nate Robertson, Dave Dombrowski made his bed and he's gonna have to lie in it. Both players were given expensive extensions based on questionable results. Both players have struggled more since signing those contracts, making them near impossible to trade. At least with Dontrelle you can make the argument that there was once great talent in him, talent that possibly, maybe, could be re-kindled. Nate Robertson, and pardon me for being so blunt, is not a good pitcher and not going to get better. Be it in the rotation or the bullpen he has proven unable to do what he needs to do in order to be successful, get left-handers out. Lefties have hit .267 against him over his career. He'll be 32-years-old come September. Maybe Dombrowski can con some young GM into giving up a hot-dog cart and a few rolls of tape for him if the Tigers pay 90% of his contract, but that's the best deal out there.

I think Nate will be cut at some point, Willis probably not.

Q: Does Jeff Larish have a future in Detroit, this year or beyond?

No. He's a poor defender with a big swing that has too many holes in it. He's not going to see time at the corner infield positions and isn't the outfield answer the team needs. He'll be headed back to AAA the moment Marcus Thames returns, probably never to return.

Q: How do you see the rotation shaking out after the next week or so of games?

Justin Verlander, Edwin Jackson and Rick Porcello are safe, we know that. The other two spots will be filled by some combination of Galarraga, Bonderman, Willis, Miner and perhaps a Toledo Mudhen. I know it's a vague answer, go ahead and poke fun at me, but I'm a writer not a clairvoyant. Armando has shown he can dominate, and has looked better in his last two outings after a brief rough patch, so I'd say he was the favorite for the 4th spot. Bondo hasn't pitched in a Major League game in a year, Willis has had more ups and downs in the last month than a recovering alcoholic and Zach Miner is, well, Zach Miner.

If I had to handicap it I would say the 4th spot is Galarraga's to lose and the 5th spot would ideally go to Willis simply to have a leftie in the mix, but he may pitch himself out of that decision. Jeremy Bonderman is going to be a part of this club, and I believe it will be as a starter, although it may take a few weeks to find his place. Bondo will get the audition in the Monday double-header and Willis will get another start next week as well - may the best man win.

Meanwhile Zach Miner can continue to serve as the long-dstance mop-up man and emergency long-relief option.

Q: How do you feel about the Leyland contract situation? Has he earned his extention yet?

I've been critical of Leyland this year, and last year, although I generally like and respect him very much. My biggest question is how motivated is he? He's been around, he's won championships, he's not getting any younger. As much as people ask does he deserve it I ask does he really want it? He looks conflicted to me, but I'm hardly an FBI profiler. Jimmy Leyland has had a tremendous career and I'm not saying it's over yet, but I believe certain parts of the game are beginning to wear on him and dare I say, even pass him by.

To be fair, Dave Dombrowski certainly hasn't made his job very easy these last two years. The gargantuan contracts given to players who have drastically under-performed have been an ulcer waiting to bleed in Leyland since last spring. If upper management is paying those kind of salaries on a multi-year basis it's tough to move those guys out of the lineup, even when players like Edgar Renteria, Gary Sheffield, Pudge Rodriguez (last season) and the aforementioned pitchers Willis and Robertson along with Brandon Lyon have struggled.

A manager must work with the roster he's given and Jim Leyland may have some stars, but he has more than his share of liabilities as well.

Bottom line, It's too early in the season to know if Jim really wants it, and if he deserves it. Ask me again in late August or September. If I had to guess, and let's say I did, I expect he'll return for one more year, if only out of the loyalty Mike Illitch is known for.

--end--

Once again, I would like to thank J. Ellet Lambie for including me in this work. I think we tackled a good number of issues here, and I had a lot of fun doing this. If nothing else, I got a chance to talk Tigers with another knowledgeable fan, which is always enjoyable for me, and was really the whole purpose of my blog to begin with. As a reminder, check out Hazaa to see the other side of this story, and see my answers to the questions he asked.

Bloggers of the World, Unite! 300 wins, Sad Days in Motown

2009-06-05T09:34:00.006-04:00

J Ellet Lambie of Hazaa recently offered his opinions on Randy Johnson's persuit of 300 wins, which came to a successful end yesterday at Washington. You might recall that the Nationals are the former Expos, which is the team Johnson broke in with, and where he won exactly three games before being shipped off to Seattle.

Many kudos to the Unit on that historic accomplishment. From a freakishly tall guy who had no clue where the ball would go when he pitched, to a 5-time Cy Young winner, it has been an honor to watch his greatness develop.

So much for the good news:

Over the past three days the Tigers have been pounded into submission by the bullies from Boston. Sadly, Detroit offered little resistance, both from the offense (if you can even call it that anymore), to the pitching staff. Only Armando Galarraga offered a decent performance among the starters, and the bullpen was a combined terrible at worst, shaky at best in all three games.

Getting swept is never fun, getting swept at home is worse, and getting swept at home, by Boston, without putting up a real fight is maddening. A quick check of this morning's standings show the Kitties still sporting a 2.5 game lead though. It can't be that bad, right? Right? The Tigers' blogosphere disagrees.

Rogo of DesigNate Robertson thinks the Tigers are rapidly becoming the Knicks and compares Dave Dombrowski to Isaiah Thomas. Ouch.

Ian at Bless You Boys leads the parade of fans leaping from the D-Train bandwagon.

Kurt at Mack Avenue Tigers passed along some notes from Lynn Henning, and outlined what he believes the Tigers must do going forward. He's been banging the Zach Miner to the rotation drum for a while now, and I agree. I just hope to see him starting for Colorado or Seattle soon.

Rock n Rye of (746 miles) From the CoPa offers a short post on the train wreck that was, and wonders if Dontrelle has thrown his last pitch as a Tiger.

Blake at the Spot Starters gives us some historical perspective on Dontrelle's efforts yesterday.

Jen of Old English D laments the inconsistencies of this Tigers team so far.

To all of this I say that I agree, to a point. From what I saw of Willis yesterday, he was getting squeezed a bunch in the third. If he gets a call on one or two of those pitches to Pedroia or Drew, the Sox have to start swinging, and maybe the inning ends differently. But he didn't get those calls and they didn't have to swing, and the end was what we all witnessed. Ugly.

Jim Leyland seems likely to stick by Willis at least for now though. He mentions in Jason Beck's blog that control hasn't really been a problem until now for Dontrelle. I certainly hope we have not seen the last good performance of Willis' days as a Tiger.

The winds of change are certainly blowing in Tiger Town, however. The imminent return of slugger Marcus Thames and pitcher Jeremy Bonderman will mean roster moves. There has been talk of possible trades, as the Tigers look for a bat.

Could Thames be moved? That may depend on the severity of the Miguel Cabrera injury, as Thames could have to fill-in at first base until El Martillo gets back. I look for Ryan Raburn to head back to Toledo when Marcus is activated.

Bonderman's rehab stint is over, he figures to start game two of Monday doubleheader with Chicago. When Bondo is activated, someone has gotta go.

Could this be the right time to DFA Brandon Lyon? I barring a trade, I'd doubt you would see someone else released. Ryan Perry is the only real candidate to be optioned out, and I don't see that happening yet. Freddy Dolsi has been having a very good year in Toledo, and can provide depth in the bullpen to fill Lyon's role once a starter is moved out.

And make no mistake, a starter must be moved out. The way it stands, Detroit figures to carry 7 or 8 starting pitchers on their staff, for only five slots. The cost of moving Robertson or Willis will probably mean a trade could be on the horizon, likely involving a less expensive pitcher, like Miner or Galarraga.

The Tigers are also in need of a left handed bat to hit in the middle of the order. From what I've seen, Jeff Larish is not the answer. I'd like to see him as part of a package to Colorado, maybe with Miner and some minor league arm to try to get Brad Hawpe. I wonder if that would be enough?

Lefthanders Provide Blueprint for Bonderman

2009-06-03T14:32:00.009-04:00

Jeremy Bonderman is working his way back to Detroit. He is making progress toward becoming a major league pitcher again. The righthander first appeared in the big leagues as a 20 year old flamethrower with a wicked slider, and learned on the job for the 2003 Detroit Tigers, losing 19 games as a rookie. The potential for greatness has always been there. Bonderman was acquired by Detroit in a 2002 trade the sent Jeff Weaver to the Yankees, Ted Lilly to the A's, and Carlos Pena, Franklyn German, and Bonderman to the Tigers. His best season was in 2006, when the then 23 year old lead the AL with 34 starts, posting 202 strikeouts and a 14-8 record for the surprise pennant winners. But consistency has eluded Bonderman throughout his career.

Although he featured a mid-90s fastball and high-80s slider, he has never been able to master a quality third pitch. Early in the 2008 season, it was apparent Bonderman was losing velocity. He was diagnosed with a clotting disorder in his throwing shoulder and had season ending surgery after just 12 starts.

Bonderman's numbers in his past few minor league starts have been very encouraging, with the exception of the number on the radar gun. The nerve damage in his shoulder has been corrected, but the velocity has not returned. The guy who used to be able to touch 98 with his fastball, has routinely been clocked 10 MPH slower. This has been cause for alarm for many, including Bonderman himself, but he has been making adjustments. He is now featuring a changeup, a pitch he has toyed with unsuccessfully in the past. Reports form Toledo have been encouraging regarding his location and command of his off-speed pitches. With an 88 MPH fastball, Bondo knows he needs to become more of a pitcher, less of a thrower if he plans to get hitters out consistently.

Like Bonderman, Frank Tanana got the big leagues at an early age. For parts of six seasons with the Angels, Tanana dominated the AL. Although teamed with Nolan Ryan, it was Tanana that posted the better numbers for much of their time together. Tanana suffered an arm injury in 1979, and faced many of the demons now facing Bonderman. The lefthander with the great fastball was gone, left behind was Tanana to rebuild his game.

Eventually, Tanana re-emerged. Armed with a big, slow curveball and high-80s fastball, he once again became an effective starting pitcher. The southpaw had routinely racked up 200 strikeout seasons before the injury, but would never again top 160 in one season. Still he pitched 14 years after the injury, and finished his career with 240 wins over his 21 seasons.

Bonderman's old velocity may yet return, or it may not. At this point, he will have to make due with the arsenal he has. Bonderman has been in contact with Kenny Rogers. The former Tiger and 200 game winner had similar surgery during his career, and was able to come back as a finese pitcher when he returned to action.

Bonderman will need to heed the advice of Rogers moving forward. If he is to become a successful pitcher again, it may be that the career paths that Kenny Rogers and Frank Tanana took are the same as the one Bonderman needs to take. Bonderman must learn to pitch without his old velocity. He will no longer be able to overpower hitters. He'll have to mix his pitches, change speeds, and spot his fastball on the corners. He'll have to pitch like a "crafty lefthander", but he'll have to do that from the right side.

A Final Goodbye to Tiger Stadium

2009-06-02T14:01:00.006-04:00

Today is a truly sad day for Tiger fans. But its a day that was perhaps long overdue. It was announced today that the final remaining piece of historic Tiger Stadium will be leveled, at the behest of the Detroit Economic Growth Commision. Much of the stadium was brought down last year, and the remaining structure, spanning dugout to dugout, could be demolished in as few as two weeks.

For the past ten years, following the Tigers' move to Comerica Park, there has been great debate about what to do with the near century old ballpark. Ideas for a museum fell flat, as did proposals that included apartment complexes, shopping centers, and even featuring the field as a ballpark for kids to play on. In the end however, a struggling Detroit economy simply could not justify the cost of upkeep on the vacant building.

Originally Navin Field, the stadium was opened for play in 1912, on the same day the the RedSox began play at Fenway Park. Through 87 seasons and many changes, both to the name, and structure, the park at Michigan and Trumbull was home to the Detroit Tigers. For the past ten seasons, the stadium has stood unoccupied, and poorly maintained.

I do not live in Detroit, and never have. I grew up two and a half hours south on I-75, in Lima, Ohio (coincidentally nicknamed "Little Detroit" for some of the city's less flattering elements). But every year, my father, my grandfather, and I would make the trip to Motown to see our Tigers play. The trip happened at least four times per season, but was always the same. Dad and I would get into Grandpa's car, though he was a terrible driver, and head north, always stopping on the way to eat in Perrysburg, Ohio, at the same Big Boy restaurant. Upon our arrival, we would park along the street, on some small side road across the interstate from the stadium, so we didn't have to pay for parking. Then we would make our way across the walkway above I-75, stop for peanuts, and head inside. We always got there early enough for batting practice, and our seats were usually just to the left field side of the fence the separated the reserved seats from the bleachers, in the upper deck. The memories I have of those trips are easy to recall. Through the great seasons in the 80's into the lean years of the 90's, those trips were always my favorite days growing up.

Once I finished high school, those trips came to an end. I enrolled in college in Bowling Green, Ohio, and the shorter distance meant more trips to Detroit for me. Several of my roommates were Indians fans, so the voyage always took place when the Tribe came to town.

My final trip to the stadium was on September 20th, 1999, when the Indians came in for the final home-stand in the park. Dwight Gooden, one of the idols of my youth, started for Cleveland. Dean Palmer hit a bomb in the first, Todd Jones blew a save, Bobby Higginson robbed a homerun with a leaping catch at the wall in right, and the Tigers won in the bottom of the tenth. It was a perfect way to say goodbye for me.

The trips to Comerica have been fun, the stadium is beautiful. But each trip coming from the south on I-75 leads you past the battered old park, and each time I pass her, I can only shake my head at what once was. The stadium had a long and glorious run, but now stood as an empty building, no longer living, but still in existence.

Several years ago, my grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease, and his health began to fail. My family watched his memory fade and his health slip until he passed away earlier this year. His illness left behind a shell of the man he once was, and although his passing was difficult, my pain was eased greatly with the knowledge that I would forever have the fond memories that I will always keep with me.

Tiger Stadium, like my Grandpa, will stand forever in my mind, and in my heart, with all of the memories of all the summers spent driving to Detroit.

What to do with Jeremy Bonderman?

2009-05-29T09:31:00.003-04:00

As Jeremy Bonderman continues his rehab stint with AAA Toledo this week, the Tigers appear to have a tough decision to make soon. Bonderman's rehab assignment runs out as of June 15, at which time the Tigers must recall the righthander. Bonderman has pitched well enough in the minors so far, but his velocity is still down as he tries to come back from surgery last year to alleviate a clotting problem in his right shoulder.

The loss of velocity has to be concerning to all involved, as Bondo has never been a finesse type pitcher. Prior to his injury, he routinely featured a mid-90's fastball and sharp, hard slider. Unfortunately, he has never been able to gain a feel for his changeup, and has been strictly a two pitch pitcher. If one of his pitches is not there, he could be rendered ineffective. If Bonderman can find his old form, he figures to join an already stacked rotation in Detroit. In order to add him, however, someone must get pushed out.

Obviously Justin Verlander and Edwin Jackson aren't going anywhere. The successes that these two have enjoyed so far in 2009 are well documented. Both men are horses that pitch deep into games and have shown the consistent ability to shut down opposing hitters.

Dontrelle Willis has shown so far that he is once again capable of working in the strike zone and getting major league hitters out. Willis has made it back from his anxiety disorder and in his three starts this season has looked like a pitcher with a plan, and looked like a pitcher with the stuff to dominate, even if the results are still a bit inconsistent. The questions about whether or not he can help the Tigers should be put to rest. He can and he is. The Tigers entered this season sans a lefthanded starter, and Willis not only provides that, but he provides a track record of logging innings and getting lefty hitters out. Couple his success with his contract, and you can be sure that his rotation spot is safe for the immediate future.

Armando Galarraga's has been a tale of two pitchers. He began the season by winning three of his first four starts, with a 1.85 ERA. When the calendar turned to May however, Galarraga feel off quite a bit, going 0-4 with an ERA north of 9.00 in his next five starts. His effort last night versus Baltimore showed significant progress. He did allow 10 hits including two homeruns but was much better at limiting damage than he had recently been. It was a huge step in the right direction. His early season performance, coupled with his stellar year in 2008 keep him in the rotation for at least one more turn. If he continues to improve, I can't see the Tigers making a move with him. If not, he has minor league options left and could be send down to work out his problems in Toledo.

That just leaves us with the young Rick Porcello. I'm sure that when Porcello made the club out of spring training this year, the plan was for him to hold down the fort and get some experience until Bonderman and/or Willis were healthy enough to return. The plan was a good one, the kid gets a taste of the big leagues, a pat on the back, and a ticket to Toledo or Erie to get some more seasoning. But the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. All Porcello has done with his opportunity is win his past five starts while sporting an ERA of 1.50 over that span. He had a rough start to his year, but has begun throwing his curveball much more frequently and found success. He works quickly, keeps his pitches and his pitch counts down, and has shown poise beyond his years. Porcello has been compared to Brandon Webb, Carlos Zambrano, and Roy Halladay, and has been putting up numbers like Dwight Gooden. The Tigers are trying to protect his arm and keep his workload down, but they are also trying to win, and shutting down a pitcher who is putting up the kind of numbers that Porcello has been would certainly be adverse to winning. Its a tough tightrope to walk, but the Tigers' brass and Jim Leyland have been doing well so far.

So where, exactly does Bonderman fit? Assuming Galarraga continues to improve, a demotion seems unlikely. Bonderman's lack of an off-speed pitch would suggest he is more suited for relief, but a mid to high-80's fastball doesn't usually miss many bats in the big leagues, unless you also feature good off-speed stuff. As it stands now, barring an injury to a starting pitcher, there is no room for Bonderman. If he cannot regain his old velocity, he becomes just another albatross contract and wasted roster spot, but at least Nate Robertson will have someone to talk to in the bullpen, as they wait for a call that doesn't come.

Usually these problems work themselves out, there could be an injury, or Galarraga could get sent down, or even traded. Maybe Bonderman finds his old form in his next couple starts and willingly works in relief. But time is running out, by June 15th we will have the answer.

Tigers Lack Offense in 5-1 Loss

2009-05-28T21:58:00.005-04:00

Well, that was disgusting. Baltimore pitchers handed out seven walks, their defense made two errors, but Detroit managed just five hits, including one in 11 at bats with runners in scoring position, leading to a 5-1 Orioles' victory. Twice the Tigers failed to bring runners home when they had a man on third and less than two outs, popups by Placido Polanco and Curtis Granderson didn't get the job done. You just cannot fail to capitalize when the other team is handing out walks and consistantly putting runners on base and expect to win. Tonight, there was no Zach Greinke to blame, the offense just didn't get it done.

A few things I have noticed: Adam Jones is good, but real cocky. I would love to have him on my team. Baltimore has a very good lineup, which only figures to get better when Matt Wieters makes his debut tomorrow. Luke Scott is the left handed Joe Crede and therefore the anti-christ. He now has seven bombs versus Detroit since last season began.

On the bright side, Magglio Ordonez extended his hitting streak to 14 games, and Armando Galarraga was much, much better tonight, going seven plus innings and allowing just three runs. He gave up ten hits including two home runs, but was able to limit the damage thanks to three double plays, including an absolute gem turned in by Brandon Inge in the sixth. Considering how poorly Galarraga has pitched this month, this outing was a major step in the right direction, even in the loss. His improvement also may allow the team to keep Jeremy Bonderman on his rehab stint just a bit longer to make sure he's ready to go when he gets back. But if Galarraga and the rest of the staff keep mowing down opposing offenses, Jim Leyland will have a difficult choice to make when Bondo does return. Galarraga certainly made strides toward keeping his rotation spot with his effort tonight.

Take the All-Star Vote Away From the Fans

2009-05-28T08:36:00.004-04:00

Major League Baseball has announced the early voting totals for the All-Star game starting lineups. Not surprisingly, several undeserving names hover at or near the top of the voting. We all know how the process works by now; the fans cast their ballots for their favorite players, whether or not that player has missed significant time or is having a poor start to the season.

This was all fine and good for several years, before the infamous tie game in 2002. The public fallout from that game lead the commissioner to adopt a new policy stating that the league that wins the all-star game would gain home-field advantage in the world series. This policy places much more significance of the outcome of what was otherwise an exhibition game. I recall watching the late innings of the 2002 game in Milwaukee, seeing the benches and bullpens dwindle of available players, it was exciting. Then Bud Selig literally threw up his hands and called the game a tie, and everyone when home unfulfilled. I am in favor of the home-field rule, as it does make the all-star game an important event. However, the increased importance of the game's outcome must also lead to a refined process of selecting members of the opposing teams. Big names are nice for exhibition games, but when the outcome matters, I want the best players (or at least the players having the best seasons) on my team.

With the release of the early totals for the American League ballots, three names stand out among the leaders, Josh Hamilton(2nd) and Ken Griffey Jr. (4th)in the outfield and Kevin Youkilis(1st) at first base (thankfully there is no DH this year or I'm sure David Ortiz would be there too). The National League vote is even uglier, as Manny Ramirez, currently serving a 50 game suspension, sits fourth among outfielders. J.J. Hardy leads the shortstop balloting, and Bill Hall (2nd) is within reach of grabbing the starting third base job. In actuality, Brewers fans have done a great job voting for all of their players, but are doing a vast disservice to the game itself. Hall is carrying a .223/.289/.377 line this season, Hardy is at least a bit better at .247/.329/.411.

Hamilton, Ramirez and Youkilis have all missed significant time in the first half, but were having good starts to the year prior to missing games. But the possibility of Raul Ibanez not starting for the NL, while Ramirez may still get that chance is a joke. And Carlos Pena, Justin Morneau, and Miguel Cabrera must all be holding their breath, as Youkilis' inclusion would likely mean that at least one of those guys won't even make the trip to St. Louis.

The Griffey situation is one that has been commonplace since the fans got the vote, a formerly great player, well past his prime, that is still dear to the hearts of so many fans getting a boost in the balloting. It is also a perfect example of how the recent emphasis on winning this game should lead to the removal of the fans from the process. For years, aging stars were ceremonially placed on all-star teams, Cal Ripken Jr. started many a game after his numbers fell off. In 1989, Mike Schmidt retired near the end of May after getting off to a terrible start, and was still voted to start the all-star game, which he politely declined.

I understand the sentimental reasons for wanting to see the all-time greats on the big stage again, but if home-field in the world series is on the line, do you want the game to possibly hinge on Ken Griffey Jr? I don't. Give me the guys having big seasons and I'll take my chances. And as a Tiger fan, here's hoping those folks in Milwaukee keep stuffing the ballot boxes.

This Just In: Zach Greinke is Really Good

2009-05-27T07:36:00.008-04:00

For five innings yesterday, Edwin Jackson was up to the task against Kansas City. Jackson knew runs would be at a premium and he did his part to keep the Royals off the board. A throwing error by Jackson and some well placed ground balls through the infield in the sixth gave Kansas City all the runs that Zach Greinke would need, as the Royals bested the Tigers 6-1 to pull within three games of the division lead. For the most part, Jackson pitched well, certainly well enough to win on most nights, but tonight he was facing the only pitcher currently in the discussion for the Cy Young award (apologies to Roy Halladay and Justin Verlander).

How good is Zach Geinke? He hasn't allowed a homerun since last September. He improved his record to 8-1 with yesterday's win, it was his league leading fifth complete game. Greinke has allowed 12 walks this year. Read that last sentence again. 10 starts, eight wins, 12 walks. With his performance yesterday, Greinke watched his ERA rise from 0.82 to 0.84. You know you're having a good year when you allow one run over nine innings and your ERA goes up.

How do you beat this guy? His only loss this season was a 1-0 decision against the Angels' lefty Joe Saunders. For the first five innings it looked like the Tigers planned to follow that blueprint, but once the Royals smelled blood, they went for the kill and turned a 1-0 deficit into a 3-1 lead by the end of the sixth. They added on in the seventh and eighth, but anyone watching knew the game was probably over when Mitch Maier's groundball got past Placido Polanco to plate the first two Kansas City runs. The Tigers had their chances early, but three double plays lead to their demise, as they were unable to capitalize on the early scoring chances. The Tigers' offense that had pounded out 19 hits in the series opener was held to just six hits versus Greinke, who finished his gem with eight punchouts.

Guillen's Injury a Blessing in Disguise?

2009-05-26T10:45:00.004-04:00

Carlos Guillen has been battling injuries for much of his major league career. Even before the former All-Star came to Detroit from Seattle in a deal prior to the 2004 season, Guillen had been considered injury-prone. The past couple of seasons in Detroit have seen him battle through knee problems, hamstring issues, and more recently, Achilles and shoulder injuries. The aches and pains have caused him to lose his regular job at shortstop, and he since has been shifted to first base, then third base, and then left field, though most of his at bats this season have come as the designated hitter. Still the injuries persist. Word came in recently from Jason Beck that Guillen (on the disabled list since May 5) has made very little progress in dealing with his aching shoulder. The team awaits results from tests, but the early outlook is not good. Should his shoulder require surgery, Guillen could be looking at extended rehab, and could possibly miss the remainder of the season.

Without Guillen in the lineup, the Tigers have made a strong push to the top of the standings in the AL Central, currently holding a four game cushion on Kansas City. Guillen's absence has meant a full-time job for Clete Thomas, and increased playing time for Ryan Raburn and Josh Anderson. The results have been a much more flexible lineup, both offensively and defensively. Prior to his DL trip, Guillen has hitting just .200/.267/.244 with no homeruns and just six RBI, and had trouble getting to balls in the outfield. Near the end of last season, Jim Leyland addressed the need for a better defensive team for 2009. The addition of Thomas (and subtraction of Guillen) to the lineup has provided a much better defensive unit, especially when Magglio Ordonez moves to DH and Raburn or Anderson joins Thomas and Curtis Granderson in the outfield.

Leyland has maintained that in order for the Tigers to contend this season, they will need offensive production form Ordonez and Guillen. Ordonez has picked up from a terrible start, and is currently riding an 11 game hitting streak, while Guillen continues to rehab. Guillen's lack of production over the past two seasons however, has been adequately replaced by Thomas, who has posted a .269/.355/.388 line this season. While these aren't the type of numbers you would usually like from a corner outfielder, especially from one who has so frequently hit third in the order, Thomas' energy has done a great job providing the spark the Tigers' offense has needed, and the big seasons from Miguel Cabrera and Brandon Inge has made up for the lack of power from the Tigers' left fielder.

Guillen's injuries have slowed him down so much defensively that he is no longer a viable option with the glove, and unless his shoulder is healthy enough to hit better than he has, he should not be used as a DH, either. A lengthy stay on the DL could provide the Tigers their best chance to win, as Guillen's absence allows Ordonez and Cabrera to DH more frequently and provides the flexibility of getting more at bats for the talented youngsters, including Jeff Larish. The addition by subtraction theory worked well when releasing Gary Sheffield in the spring, and I don't think the Tigers should rush Guillen back anytime soon. Hopefully the kids can keep up the good work.

Willis Key to Divisional Race

2009-05-24T20:26:00.006-04:00

Dontrelle Willis left today's contest after 6.2 innings allowing 7 hits and 3 runs, he walked a season high four batters. Willis (1-1, 3.57ERA) was good enough today. He was good enough to be a major league pitcher, he was good enough to keep his spot in the rotation, and although he didn't match the outing he had versus Texas, he was good enough to beat the Rockies. Unfortunately for Willis, the offense managed just six hits and one run against Jason Hammel, and the Tigers fell 3-1. But today, Dontrelle Willis showed again that he is ready to resume a once-promising major league career. The addition of Willis to the Tigers' already formidable rotation should help secure Detroit's place as the favorite to win the AL Central. The division is littered with tough left handed hitters, Mike Jacobs and Alex Gordon in Kansas City, Jim Thome in Chicago, Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau and Jason Kubel in Minnesota and Grady Sizemore in Cleveland. Willis provides the Tigers with a lefty starter they otherwise lack. His success could make the difference in what figures to be a season long race for the playoffs.

The rest of the rotation stacks up well versus the Central division contenders, and the impending return of Jeremy Bonderman figures to give them another boost. Justin Verlander (4-2, 3.99 ERA) leads the AL in strikeouts and has been dominant for most of the season. Even through his first few starts, when his ERA sat at 9.00, his stuff was there, and his outings were marred by one bad inning. Verlander has since eliminated the bad inning and has shown a return to the form that saw him win 35 games in his first two seasons. Verlander will oppose Gil Meche (2-4, 4.42 ERA) in tomorrow's series opener in Kansas City.

Edwin Jackson has finally fulfilled his vast potential. Jackson won 14 games for the surprise AL Champion Rays last season, but was left out of the post-season rotation. Tampa traded him to the Tigers in the off season for outfielder Matt Joyce. Jackson (4-2, 2.55 ERA) leads the staff in innings pitched and has shown the will of an ace in his last two starts, returning after an hour long rain delay to throw three more innings against Oakland on May 15, followed by a 132 pitch effort against Texas on Thursday. He has been the staff's most consistent starter this season.

Rick Porcello has been an absolute revelation for the 2009 edition of the Tigers in much the same way that Verlander was to the '06 version. The 20 year old rookie had never pitched above A-ball when he made the big club out of spring training. The first few starts were bit rough, but he has settled in nicely, not having allowed a home run this month, after allowing six long balls in April. Porcello (5-3, 3.55 ERA) leads the team in wins and seemingly gets better with each start.

Armando Galarraga has struggled mightily in the month of May, after roaring to a 3-0 start to the season. The second year righthander had a slightly improved effort Saturday against Colorado, but may only get one more start before Bonderman returns from injury and pushes someone out of the rotation. Right now, the smart money is on a Galarraga (3-4, 5.74ERA) trip to AAA Toledo to try to work out his problems in the minor leagues. Galarraga was easily the best of the staff in 2008, finishing 13-7 as a rookie, but something as been amiss in his past several starts and he needs to get right if the Tigers are to use him in a major league role.

Despite consecutive losses to the Rockies over the weekend, the Detroit Tigers head into Memorial Day in first place in the AL Central, three games better than the Kansas City Royals. Detroit travels to Kansas City for a three game series starting tomorrow afternoon. The Tigers finished 2008 in last place in the division, one game worse than the perennial cellar-dwelling Royals. The main reason for the early season success for both teams has been the performance of their starting rotation. Kansas City, lead by Cy Young candidate Zach Grienke, leads the American League with a team ERA of 3.87, while Detroit ranks third with a 3.96. The Tigers, meanwhile rank second in the league in opponents batting average at .247, with the Royals on spot behind them at .256 (stats ESPN.com). The Tigers offense, currently ranked in the bottom half of the American League, will need continued strong performances from Miguel Cabrera and Brandon Inge, but will also need to see a return to form from Magglio Ordonez and injured DH Carlos Guillen to keep the pressure off the starting rotation, and to keep the pressure on the rest of the division, as the Tigers attempt to pull away.

Brandon Inge Fullfilling All-Star Potential

2009-05-23T09:17:00.003-04:00

Brandon Inge spent most of season last year changing positions and waiting for a trade. Following the blockbuster deal that brought Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis to Detroit after the 2007 season, and the move to bring Edgar Renteria to Detroit, the 2008 Tigers infield was set. Carlos Guillen was shifting from shortstop to firstbase, Cabrera was to be the everyday third baseman. That left the slick-fielding Inge, who had been the team's third baseman, as a man without a position.

Inge, a converted catcher, had become the regular third baseman in 2005 and during the next three seasons, the Tigers watched his defense grow, and his offense become respectable. He had a banner season in 2006, when he hit 27 home runs, mainly from the ninth spot in the order. But his offense lagged in 2007, and the Tigers' brass felt an offensive upgrade was necessary headed into 2008. Speculation of a trade that would send him to a team where he could start ran rampant throughout the off-season and spring training, but nothing materialized, leaving an unhappy Inge back in the utility role he held in 2004.

2008 was a forgettable season in Motown, as the Tigers, picked by many as a team primed to win the world series, stumbled to an 0-7 start and never really contended in the Central, finishing dead last. A spring training injury to Curtis Granderson meant Inge would begin the season as the center fielder. But when Granderson returned to the lineup, Inge returned to the bench. With the Tigers' season slipping away, the team traded catcher Ivan Rodriguez to the Yankees at the deadline and installed Inge as the new starting catcher, a role he had held before Rodriguez had arrived in Detroit. Still, Inge yearned to play third, and as had been the case in his first stint as the Tigers' backstop, his offense struggled. Near the end of the season, manager Jim Leyland announced plans to change the look of the team for '09: In an effort to emphasize defense, Carlos Guillen would be moved to left field, and Brandon Inge would be going home to third base. Everyday. The only question was could Inge hit well enough to keep the position?

Inge, who was the Tigers' second round draft pick in 1998, came into 2009 like a man on a mission. Armed with the confidence of a full-time job and a new stance at the plate, his offensive numbers have surged this season. Through 40 games, he is carrying a .279 AVG, with a team high 12 HR and 31RBI to go along with a .965 OPS (baseball-reference). His defensive play has also been nothing short of spectacular. Inge leads the majors in the unofficial stat of "web gems", as tracked by ESPN.com. His play in the field has greatly contributed to the turn around of the Tigers' pitching staff, as he turns doubles in to outs on a seemingly nightly basis. He simply makes plays that no other third baseman can make. His range and athleticism allows him to get to balls that even the best at the position just cannot. His play at the dish has more than made up for the poor starts of would-be run producers Magglio Ordonez and Carlos Guillen, and has helped vault the Motor City Kitties into first-place in the Central.

The American League has several worthy contenders for a spot as a third baseman on the All-Star team this season, and Rays' manager Joe Maddon will have a tough time picking his reserves. Evan Longoria leads the AL in RBI, Alex Rodriguez has returned from injury and should garner the votes needed to start the game, and Micheal Young is having another strong season in Texas. But in a season where the Tigers figure to have at least a few all-stars, Brandon Inge should not be overlooked. He won't get the fans' vote to start the game, but Maddon should make sure Inge makes the team. This is the season that he has finally put it all together. He changes games on defense, and this season, he changes games on offense as well.